Junior Muskrat Shops For A Chainsaw

…and now he is banned for life from MuskMart

 

The Doclopedia #1,020

My Family: Uncle Porky

Everybody in the family loves Uncle Porky, even though he was transformed into a half human/half pig after a toxic chemical spill. Once he got used to his new looks, he was back to being his funny old self, always telling jokes and stories and goofing around.

Uncle Porky has been married to Aunt Xena for going on 60 years now. They have 5 children, 17 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren. Porky is a member of the Elks Lodge, the Masons, the VFW and the Yuba County Democratic Party. In his spare time, which he has a lot of since he retired, he likes camping, fishing and rooting for acorns.

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The Doclopedia #1,021

My Family: Cousin Gert

Except for her third eye, Cousin Gert is just your average middle aged suburban housewife and grandmother. She and her husband Dave are both avid gardeners and their yard has won many awards.

Most of the time, her third eye is kept closed and is covered by her bangs, but every once in a while she’ll brush her hair aside and open that baby blue up. She’ll look around and find the person who pissed her off (Beware, Jehovah’s Witnesses who knock on her door early on a weekend!) and then tell them the exact time & date of their death, along with details about how it will happen. These folks never bother her again.

The last time I talked to her, Gert told me she and Dave were planning a vacation to Washington, DC. It will be interesting to see what happens if they attend a session of the House or Senate.

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