Wicked Voles Yelled At My Salamander

...and they were loud!   The Doclopedia #1,060 Lost Letters: From A Friend To A Hero Dearest Frodo & Company, I hope this letter gets to you, because I have found a safe passage into Mordor and, in fact, right into Mount Doom. I came across it in an ancient text. It seems that just …

Please Don’t Feed The Tenrecs

...they eat too much as it is   The Doclopedia #1,059 Islands of Adventure: Maze Island On a few of the Fantasy Earths, you'll find Maze Island just about 20 miles off the coast of whatever city-state is the crowning jewel of human civilization. It's a very interesting place. Maze Island is just that, a …

I Sleed to Neep

...or something like that   The Doclopedia #1,058 Islands of Adventure: The Island In The Mist On Earth 28, in the middle (or thereabouts) of Lake Superior, there is an island that only appears once or twice every year. Because it only seems to show up when the fog is dense, it has earned the …

Squinky Goes Back To School

...in about three weeks   The Doclopedia #1,057 Islands of Adventure: Skunk Island There are no skunks on Skunk Island and there never have been. This volcanic island gets it's name from the sulfurous odors that come from geothermal activity, which is present everywhere. Geysers, mud pots, steam vents and hot pools are plentiful on …

How Come It’s TorTEEYA, But Not GodZEEYA?

...sometimes, my brain hurts   The Doclopedia #1,056 Islands of Adventure: The Island Of The Doomed On Fantasy Earth 5, in the middle of the Ocean of Storms, there is an island with mostly rocky shores and a rough & hilly interior. It measures 5 miles long by about 2 miles wide. Fresh water, a …

Flambazoodalee

...couldn't think of a subject line. Made up a word instead.   The Doclopedia #1,055 Islands of Adventure: Robot Island On several Earths, from 1900 to 1930, everybody with a workshop seemed to be building robots. The sizes and shapes were dizzying in their wild variations and they were built to do all sorts of …

Doc Tempest VS Doc Tempest

...from the January 1958 issue   The Doclopedia #1,054 Islands of Adventure: Lake Island On Earth 23, there is an island in the South Atlantic named Lake Island. The very mountainous place get the name from the dozen good sized lakes found in valleys high up in the mountains. Although these Alpine valleys are beautiful …

Red Red Whine

...Shut up, you communists! It's over, damn it! The Doclopedia #1,052 The Toolbox: Anti-Vibration Clamps These handy clamps come in many sizes and will neutralize all vibrations on anything the clamp. This is accomplished by using voodoo physics. Anti-Vibration Clamps are often used inside giant robots, starships, time cannons, airships and buildings that house sex …

Why I Had To Apologize To The Vampires Of Paris

...I was singing "Werewolves of London"   The Doclopedia #1,050 The Toolbox: Left Handed Screw Polarizer Thank you for purchasing a Yuland-Weytani Left Handed Screw Polarizer. This precision instrument, used properly, should give you years of faithful service. How To Operate A Left Handed Screw Polarizer 1: Activate the the SmartTool OS by pressing the …

Handsome Joe Goes To The Movies

...to see "Iron Hound 3" The Doclopedia #1,048 The Toolbox: Duck Tape So you've got a busted wing or maybe some frayed webbing on your foot. My friend, you need all new, 100% organic Duck Tape! It has a thousand uses around the nest! Use Duck Tape to reinforce your bill after a long summer …

Bucky & Squint Are Back In Action

...lock up your liquor!   The Doclopedia #1,046 Ten Things You Didn't Know About...: The Secret War 1: The Forces of Good are holding the line so far. 2: The Forces of Evil are readying a major attack. 3: The Forces of Chaos are readying itching powder and banana peels. 4: Think of 10 of …

Riding Off Into The Setting Suns

...all three of them   The Doclopedia #1,044 Ten Things You Didn't Know About...: Magical Girls 1: All Magical Girls are cute, even the naughty ones. 2: Their familiars can be anything from cats to rabbits to talking dolls to ambulatory shrubs. 3: Magical Girls always dress in the same three color combination, with each …

Pieboy Has An Encounter With Mexican Jenny

...afterward, there was chafing to deal with   The Doclopedia #1,043 Ten Things You Didn't Know About...: The Doclopedia 1: There is some version of it on 240,975,398 versions of Earth. 2: It is very near to achieving sentience. 3: There are Classified Themes that you will never see. 4: On 78,000 Earths, it is …

The Rare And Beautiful Stinking Fern Of Potawango Island

...they smell just like rotten eggs. The Doclopedia #1,042 Ten Things You Didn't Know About...: The Great Gooey God 1: If you stare at him, you'll go insane. 2: If you touch him, you'll go insane. 3: If you hear him speak, you'll go insane. 4: If he looks at you , you'll go insane. …

Vote For Ed Fettleminster!

...he's not an asshole!   The Doclopedia #1,040 Ten Things You Didn't Know About...: Goblins 1: Most goblins have a phobia about cheese 2: Goblins invented the spoon, but it was originally used as a weapon 3: On Fantasy Earth 2, 5, 11 and 31, goblins are the twisted opposite of dwarves 4: Goblins almost …

Hey, Creature! Leave Those Squids Alone!

...we don't need no snot control!   The Doclopedia #1,038 Moms: Georgia Goatly On ToonEarth 3, Georgia Goatly is married to Gus Goatly and the mother of three children, Gina, Greg & Gilbert. They live in a nice house on the outskirts on Konkville, where the whole family has many funny adventures. As is common …

How To Teach Your Macaws To Dance

...like Fred & Ginger   The Doclopedia #1,036 Moms: The Mother Of All Dragons On Fantasy Earth 9, all dragons have the same mother and she is one big tough mama. Measuring 300 feet long from nose to tail tip, the Mother of All Dragons lives high up in the Razor Mountains, which thrust up …

Not In This Issue: Fashion, Red Beans, Juicers Or Fantail Pigeons

...actually, we might sneak in a small pigeon   The Doclopedia #1,035 Moms: Mrs. Lutenbacher On Earth 16, Science! rules and robotics got an early start. By the mid-1970's, robots were everywhere in daily life and by 1986, they were very nearly sentient. People were ok with that. In 1995, the first sentient robots, the …

Dances With Ducks

...hey, there weren't any wolves around, ok?   The Doclopedia #1,034 For A Good Time, Call...: Fang Lee Good evening, gentlemen. Please allow Min to take your coats. A chill night out, isn't it? Please, have some brandy and take a seat. Now, I believe you were looking for some cutting edge devices to help …

Chapter 511: In Which Little Sally Traps The Countess In The Loo And Escapes With Our Hero, Who Is Forced To Wear A Rather Unbecoming Outfit

...he was slightly mortified   The Doclopedia #1,032 For A Good Time, Call...: The Fun Police Are there grumpy grouches in your neighborhood, citizen? Is there a mean old neighbor who is always yelling at kids? How about some humorless shopkeeper? Well have no fear, the Fun Police are here! Just call us at 555-FUNN …

The Magic Dog And The Happy Cat Go To The Fair

...and they rode the carousel   The Doclopedia #1,030 For A Good Time, Call...: Fillandor The Incredible Be it known to all citizens of this great city that, for a limited time, the Great Wizard Fillandor the Incredible will be here offering up the use of his amazing powers to one and all for mere …

Slippery Dugongs Mocked My Weasels

...they were so sad:(   The Doclopedia #1,029 For A Good Time, Call...: Joey The Bug When visiting Outland Station 5 for the first time, the neophyte traveler (and even a good many experienced travelers) will find it advantageous to seek out the well known local character known as Joey the Bug. Joey is indeed …

Doctor Silkmelon Shows Off His Mechanical Hippo

...an amazing feat of engineering!   The Doclopedia #1,028 Girls Just Wanna Have Guns: Martina Olivera, The Shootist Of Martina Olivera's past, little is known. It's a safe bet to say that, judging by her manner of speech, she was born to a well to do Mexican family. Where she learned to shoot with such …

What The Butler Sawed

...an oak log, actually.   The Doclopedia #1,027 Girls Just Wanna Have Guns: PinkyPinky And Splatter Nobody knows her real name, but everybody in India (and most of the rest of the world) knows who PinkyPinky is. The masked young lady in the bright pink costume is a champion of justice feared by crooks and …

The Positively Amazing, Yet Still Down To Earth, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Giant Jelly Sandwich

...featuring her beautiful cousin, Nelly   The Doclopedia #1,026 Girls Just Wanna Have Guns: Olivia Dallas, Monster Slayer From the biography “Slayer: The Life Of Olivia Dallas” “And of course, there was her famous collection of guns and ammunition, all of which were used to dispatch various creatures ranging from two foot tall goblins to …