…he was slightly mortified
The Doclopedia #1,032
For A Good Time, Call…: The Fun Police
Are there grumpy grouches in your neighborhood, citizen? Is there a mean old neighbor who is always yelling at kids? How about some humorless shopkeeper?
Well have no fear, the Fun Police are here! Just call us at 555-FUNN (or dial 199 in an emergency) and we’ll get there ASAP to put a smile on those folks faces!
Your friendly Fun Police use all of the latest technology to help people lighten the hell up and have a laugh or two. If our bottles of seltzer or terrific jokes don’t do it, then our state of the art pharmacological selection will. One shot of some of that stuff and they’ll be giggling like a kid!
So if some glum & gloomy miscreant tries to ruin your day, just call the Fun Police and we’ll get everybody happy!
The Doclopedia #1,033
For A Good Time, Call…: The House Of 1,000 Pleasures
Look, buddy, I’m tellin’ ya, this is the place. What, you thought it was gonna say “House of 1,000 Pleasures in neon ten feet tall or sumpin’? It’s all about bein’ secret, ain’t it? If the Morality Patrol ever found this place, they’d shut it down and shoot everybody inside.
Yeah, yeah, they can do all of that, pal. Any forbidden perversion ya want. Booze, chocolate, sexy tv shows, rap music, tobacco…yeah, they do it all in there. I got a regular customer who goes in there and listens to rock & roll while drinking beer and playing Dungeons & Dragons. Yeah, he’s a perv alright, but get this: he’s a Reverend Senator’s SON! So much for raisin’ your kid on nothing but the Bible, eh?
Yeah, yeah, there’s liberals in there, too, but let’s not mention that out here. That’s the kinda shit that’ll get you locked up for good.
What? Sex? Oh yeah, I guess they can do that. I mean, I know you can get gay sex, so I guess they have womens, too.
Anyway, you need my cab back here in a few hours, you just give a call. Have a good time, pal!