Handsome Joe Goes To The Movies

…to see “Iron Hound 3”

The Doclopedia #1,048

The Toolbox: Duck Tape

So you’ve got a busted wing or maybe some frayed webbing on your foot. My friend, you need all new, 100% organic Duck Tape! It has a thousand uses around the nest! Use Duck Tape to reinforce your bill after a long summer of dabbling! Got some ratty looking feathers after a molt? Use Duck Tape to remove them safely and without making a mess! Cracked eggshell? Duck Tape to the rescue!

Duck Tape is 100% organic and will safely biodegrade after a few weeks. Approved for use on ducklings and pets!

Duck tape is not available in stores, but you can order it now at the low price of $5.00 for a 100 foot roll! Order now and mention this commercial and get a second roll FREE!!! You just pay shipping and handling!

Duck Tape: A Duck’s Best Friend!
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The Doclopedia #1,049

The Toolbox: Hot Hammer

So yeah, we call this the Hot Hammer because the head of it heats up to 2,500 degrees, which you need it to be so you can hammer in those goobtanium bolts when you’re putting the inner hull on a Confederation timeship. And brother, I’m talking about the 3,760,450 bolts in a Wells class timeship, not one of those two person jobs.

Yeah, you use it just like a regular hammer. Stick the bolt in the hole, hit it 4-5 times and you’re good to go.

The thing to remember it that even though the Hot Hammer only stays really hot while you hold it, it cools down quickly when you let it go. Sure, it’ll still be like, 125 degrees, but that’s a hell of alot better that 2,500!

Ok, so now you go do your Hot Hammer qualifying test and then we’ll get you working up on foredeck #2. See you in about an hour, buddy!”

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