Cyborg Hound On The Magic Bus

…soon, very soon

The Doclopedia #1,068

Saloons, Bars & Pubs: The D&D Inn

Good day, Mr & Mrs Bronfeld. I’m Evenstar Skyson, from the Royal Department of Inns, Taverns and Pubs. I’m here to do your final inspection so that you may open up your establishment. I’ve already been around back to inspect the stables and your two ways out, one via straight access to the street and one via connected alleys, is first rate. It was also a nice touch that your upstairs rooms in the rear all have drainpipes or trellises near them for easy escapes. Usually, we only require that there be one easy escape route per side of a building. I’ve given you marks for your crusty, but talkative stablemaster, too.

My my, this is a lovely main room, if I do say so. Fairly well lit, except for those booths in the rear. Fire burning in the fireplace. Tables that are heavy, but easily turned over in a fight. And my oh my, THREE chandeliers at swinging height? Oh yes, high marks there indeed!

Chairs light enough to be used as weapons, good, very good. Two front windows to jump or throw an enemy through. Excellent, and might I add that you were wise to use the cheapest glass. So many places go all fancy, only to run up large debts to the glazier.

Now, I see you have two mysterious hooded figures in dark booths. I’m afraid the law requires you to have only one. Oh no, no deduction of points for it. Happens all the time, really. I suggest you just station one of them out in an alley and you’ll be just fine.

Four dwarves arguing mining techniques? Good. Busty serving wenches? VERY good! Your daughters? No! You both look so young. My, my.

Trio of halfling musicians? Check. Old sot who knows all sorts of things? Check. Two local boys to flirt with the wenches and start fights? Check. Worried looking priest of some god or other. Check.

Now as to your food and drink, while the meals are hearty enough, you needn’t stock more than ale and wine if you choose. Regulations are pretty open on that. The fact that your mugs are an excellent size for smashing an opponent in the face adds points.

Now, upstairs you have two sets of 2 rooms each that have a connecting door between them? Quite nice, that. So many places just go with the required single pair. I see you offer baths, too. A nice touch, especially since the drain in the floor has a pipe wide enough for creatures up to cat size to crawl up.

Well, all of this, plus the fact that the building across the street is tall enough for sniping, means that you will receive an A+ rating. Congratulations, Mr. & Mrs. Bronfeld, you may open for business.”

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