One Fish, Two Fish, Jazz Fish, Blues Fish

…with liner notes by Things 1 & 2

The Doclopedia #1,090

The Alphabet: E is for…

Ear Monsters

On Scary Monster Earth, where the nightmares of kids become real and adults cannot see them, there is a class of monsters called “Ear Monsters”, because something about then has to do with ears.

Ear Eating Monsters will try to sneak up on a kid and grab his ears, which then come off painlessly. The monster eats the ears then while running off really fast. The kid now looks really strange and can’t wear a hat for shit.

The Long Eared Goobling Monster looks kind of like a giant rabbit made of dirt and stuff. They run on four legs, chasing kids and going “goooble, goooble”. They try to grab kids with their 6 foot long tentacle ears. Nobody knows what they do to kids if they catch them.

The Flying Earlaphant looks like some really gross version of Dumbo. It flies around using it’s humongous ears, looking for kids to grab and carry off. Probably, it eats the kid or maybe feeds it to baby Earlaphants.

Finally, there is the Hundred Eared Monster that is like a big human with no head, but a hundred ears all over it’s body. It shoots gross earwax out of the ears and if it hits you, you are a goner and you turn into an earwax zombie.


On 5 different Earth, the word “Eetoovazombulo” appeared on about 6 million places around the world at 2:47, GMT, on July 16th, 2004. Nobody knew how it happened or who did it or why it was written in green ink. It pretty much freaked the shit out of everyone and in a couple of days there were hundreds of theories, many of them totally nutty. The word faded after about a month and a year or so later, much of the hoopla had died down.

Then, on August 1, 2005, a strange feminine sounding voice came out of televisions and radios and computers everywhere saying “Eetoovazombulo” three times in a row. It did this every 15 minutes for the next 33 hours. This time, people went bugfuck crazy and there were riots and suicides and running around and the world economy crashed. It took nearly five years for things to get back to normal and even then if anybody said the word “Eat” too loudly, people would scream.

On October 15th, 2011, anybody looking at the full moon saw the word “Eetoovazombulo” suddenly appear across the lunar surface. You can’t even imaging how badly shit went after that.


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