The Cupcake Elves Hate The Yogurt Gnomes

…it goes back decades.

Partly to restart my writing mojo and partly to update everyone who reads my annual DogCon/CatCon reports, here is what is going on at Casa Cross today.

After being on the loose for several weeks, Flash and Lulu are home. The police and FBI dropped them off last night. Harsh warnings were given. Fortunately, when they got up to Washington State, they found that Uncle Ferdie’s Trained Squirrel Review had relocated to Arizona.

(Lulu: The FBI people were pretty nice to me, especially Agent Mulder.)

(Flash: Man, that totally sucks!)

Flash is in lockdown in his apartment and Joe installed an obedience subroutine in Lulu, so she is behaving, if not contrite. Hell, I don’t even know if a cyborg dog CAN be contrite.

(Lulu: I’ll run my guilt subroutine, Daddy.)

Actually, F & L were never beyond our keeping track of them. Lulu has a built in GPS system and it seems Sasha installed a small tracker in Flash, too.

(Flash: The fuck??)

(Sasha: Yeah, I used a Brakellian micro anal probe while he was asleep.)

(Flash: YOU PUT TINY ROBOTS UP MY ASS?!?!?!?)

Abigail and Beatrice are enjoying their last few weeks of living here before they move off to Texas to be part of the All Goat Review in Critter City next year.

(Abby: I’ve been watching old Fred Astaire & Gene Kelly movies. Also, Busby Berkley, because DAMN!)

Speaking of Abby, she has downloaded the recorded antics (Lulu has built in cameras and somethingbytes of storage) of Flash & Lulu on their crime spree and is editing a gag reel. Flash is not amused.

(Sasha: OCTAbytes, Daddy! Jeez!)

(Flash: Fuck that shit! What about my violated rectum?)

Bea has been helping Sasha down in the DocCave. They’ve set up some sort of laboratory. Joe seems impressed with it, but I’m not allowed anywhere near it. Grace has stated that nothing dangerous or strange better come out of that lab.

(Bea: It’s for the best, Daddy.)

(Flash: YO! Victim of anal probing here!)

(Lulu: I can attempt removal, Flash)

(Flash: Ummm…no, sis, that’s ok.)

I’m told that the lab is to help Sasha with her new online courses from some place called Narbonic Labs. Apparently, she wanted to broaden out into biology & genetics.  Graces edict has been suitably strengthened.

(Sasha: Mom will change her tune when I revive the Dodo or the Tasmanian Tiger or the Passenger Pigeon or whatever.)

(Daisy: Oh yeah, nothing bad can come of this.)

(Abby: I’ll try to be prepared when the hordes of Utahraptors head toward Texas.)

(Sasha: You two are a freakin’ riot. NOT!)

So, there’s my update. As you can see, things are pretty normal around here.

(Flash: Except for my butt!)

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