Happy Pigs & Dancing Goats

…admit it, you’re smiling now.

 

The Doclopedia #1,098

The Alphabet: H is for…

Handy Tool

…is the Miracle Tool of Our Time! Created right here in the United States of America by the World Renowned Scientist, Professor Joseph Finkler, Handy Tool will replace all of the following tools in Your Toolbox: Hammer! Pliers! Steam Pressure Gauge! Screwdriver! Flashlight! Magnifying Glass! Ratchet! Pipe Wrench! Automaton Setting Adjuster!

Handy Toll is being used Now by Top Gadgeteers and Scientists all around the World. The Serious Inventor will want this miracle of Modern Creativity! Handy Tool can be yours for only $10.00!

Higgs Boatswain

…is NOT my name, you peckerhead! I’m Senior Chief Petty Officer Gilbert Higgs and yes, I’m a Boatswain’s Mate and have been one for 23 years now. Let me tell you, I’m all for science, but I wish they’d given that particle a different damned name. I’ve heard all the jokes, including the one where I should become a priest so I can give Mass.

Now get the fuck off my ship!

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