Don’t Be A Duck!

…wait, what?


(Note: This is my first Doclopedia entry for a famous living person. Thank goodness for satire laws. Please don’t kill me, Wil.)

The Doclopedia #1,113

The Alphabet: W is for…

Wil Wheaton…

…in our universe, is an actor, writer and champion of all things geeky. His motto, well known to his millions of followers on social media, is “Don’t be a dick”.

But in other realities, Will Wheaton is quite a different guy.

There are three dimensions where Wil Wheaton is a super powered fighter for good and justice. One of these versions was given a “super soldier” treatment during WWII. Another was bitten by a radioactive spider. The third is actually an alien from a long dead world.

In no less than 5 magic based realities, Wil is a dungeon delving adventurer. Two of these are sword swinging barbarians, two are crafty thieves and the fifth is a wizard of moderate power who carries a crossbow because “sometimes you run out of mana and monsters are total dicks”.

There are realities where Mr. Wheaton is a starship crewman or even the captain of the vessel. In one of these, he has pointy ears and is highly logical. In another, he has a lumpy forehead and loves to drink prune juice, which he calls “a warriors drink”. Maybe warriors have trouble with regularity.

There is a world where Wil is a zombie, but a smart one who still likes geek culture. Once you get past the way he smells and tries to eat your brain, he’s a darned nice guy.

On CatEarth, Wil Wheaton is a shorthaired tabby cat who in all other respects is just like our Wil, except he sheds and brews his own fermented milk instead of beer.

Finally, there are 14 realities where Wil Wheaton is, in fact, a dick. These range from him just being a snotty young actor to one where he is a rampaging robot to a couple of dimensions where he rules the world with an iron fist. There are rumors of a reality where he is a 300 foot tall kaiju, but nobody has ever come back from there to prove it. 


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