Teaching Betty To Bop

…wop a loo bop!

 

The Doclopedia #1,114

The Alphabet: X is for…

Xorolxee…

…is an earth-like planet located 300 light years from Earth. It orbits a yellow star slightly (2% larger) than our own and is the fourth planet in a system of 10. Like Earth, it has a large moon and plenty of water (65% of the planetary surface). Xorolxee is about 10% larger than Earth.

Xorolxee is a warmer world than ours and teams with life of all sorts. The 4 large continents each have very distinct species that inhabit everything from polar icecaps to steaming jungles to enormous deserts. It is a mystery to scientists that most of the land based lifeforms on Xorolxee are smaller than a small cow. There are no land based lifeforms larger than a water buffalo. The oceans are another matter, because there you will find several lifeforms that could swallow a blue whale in one gulp.

Xorolxee has no sentient lifeforms. There are some indications that civilization existed once, but these await further exploration to prove that.

The Doclopedia #1,115

The Alphabet: Y is for…

Yark…

…or, as the gnomes refer to him, Yark the Most Dangerous. This is a fitting name for the most accident prone gnome inventor of all time. In his short 40 year life, Yark was responsible for the destruction of a gnomish town (mechanical wheat harvester malfunctioned), a war (clockwork soldiers went berserk), a volcanic eruption (mechanical “mole” could not be controlled) and the sinking of an entire island (sonic ditch digger overloaded). Those are just a few of his many screw ups.

Yark was finally killed by one of his inventions (a magical powered mechanical fruit picker) on a summer day in 1409. Gnomes and other intelligent races celebrated his demise.

 

The Doclopedia #1,116

The Alphabet: Z is for…

Zally Z. Zmith…

…chose to spell her name that way just to be different. When she turned 18, she had it legally changed to that spelling. She then went on to live a pretty bohemian lifestyle for the next 22 years.

On her 40th birthday, the alien Zigzz invaded earth. They made Zally their Queen because she was the only human with a proper sounding name.

 

Zally was a benevolent and beloved Queen of All Earth for the next 65 years.

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Don’t Be A Duck!

…wait, what?

 

(Note: This is my first Doclopedia entry for a famous living person. Thank goodness for satire laws. Please don’t kill me, Wil.)

The Doclopedia #1,113

The Alphabet: W is for…

Wil Wheaton…

…in our universe, is an actor, writer and champion of all things geeky. His motto, well known to his millions of followers on social media, is “Don’t be a dick”.

But in other realities, Will Wheaton is quite a different guy.

There are three dimensions where Wil Wheaton is a super powered fighter for good and justice. One of these versions was given a “super soldier” treatment during WWII. Another was bitten by a radioactive spider. The third is actually an alien from a long dead world.

In no less than 5 magic based realities, Wil is a dungeon delving adventurer. Two of these are sword swinging barbarians, two are crafty thieves and the fifth is a wizard of moderate power who carries a crossbow because “sometimes you run out of mana and monsters are total dicks”.

There are realities where Mr. Wheaton is a starship crewman or even the captain of the vessel. In one of these, he has pointy ears and is highly logical. In another, he has a lumpy forehead and loves to drink prune juice, which he calls “a warriors drink”. Maybe warriors have trouble with regularity.

There is a world where Wil is a zombie, but a smart one who still likes geek culture. Once you get past the way he smells and tries to eat your brain, he’s a darned nice guy.

On CatEarth, Wil Wheaton is a shorthaired tabby cat who in all other respects is just like our Wil, except he sheds and brews his own fermented milk instead of beer.

Finally, there are 14 realities where Wil Wheaton is, in fact, a dick. These range from him just being a snotty young actor to one where he is a rampaging robot to a couple of dimensions where he rules the world with an iron fist. There are rumors of a reality where he is a 300 foot tall kaiju, but nobody has ever come back from there to prove it. 

The Totally Goofy, Yet Still Very Romantic, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Tweenage Superhero

…co-starring her pet duck, Malcom

 

The Doclopedia #1,112

The Alphabet: V is for…

 

Vien Vong

 

…is a town on the western shore of Lake Vong, the fourth largest lake in the Nimyang Empire. Indeed, “vien” means “place by” in the Nimyac language. It is an important stopover for both travelers on the Haon River, which both feeds and drains the lake, and those who travel overland from Nimkoro (the imperial capital) to cities in the east.

The population of Vien Vong is roughly 25,000, but it fluctuates depending upon the season, various festivals and the odd flooding of the Haon River. About half of the residents are ethnic Nimyang, with most of the rest being Dhange and Hootevi, who were the main people conqured by the Nimyang 300 years ago.

Besides being a busy port town, Vien Vong is the hub of both the spice trade and salt mining in the nearby Cha’a Hills. Tons of both substances move through Vien Vong every year. Trade in the skins of the great dragonsnakes is also economically important.

Vien Vong has a secret from the Nimyang: it is the center of the Dark Raiders, a group that has been opposing the empire for almost 200 years. Secret training schools teach young men & women of Dhange and Hootevi blood the skills they need to be assassins, thieves and spies. If the Nimyang ever found this out, they would wipe Vien Vong off the map.