The Mysterious Affair Of The Cat In Broad Daylight

…ok, so it wasn’t so mysterious

 

The Doclopedia #1,136

Road Signs: Lodging Ahead

This sign can be seen along the Old Forest Road in south eastern Valduria. Since this road is barely patrolled by the Royal Army and is often plagued by bandits, a traveler seeing this sign will feel great relief.

About a mile past the sign, one comes to a good sized log building set back a few yards from the road. Inside are Mr. & Mrs. Boodrin and their two sons and daughter. They are a wonderfully pleasant family who provide clean rooms and good food at a fair price. Laundry service and hot baths are extra.

Now at this point, you might be thinking that the Boodrins will turn out to be cannibals or murderous thieves or some such, but nothing could be further from the truth. They are really the nice folks they seem to be. You are perfectly safe in their inn.

Unfortunately, their two cats, Angus and Porto are actually Cat Demons and will kill any lone traveler once they leave the inn and get a mile or two down the road. The Boodrins are totally unaware of this.

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London’s Crawling

…it just sort of “woke up” one day

The Doclopedia #1,135

Monsters Of The Circle Sea: Kul Kuru

Listen, matey, ‘cos I’m gonna tell ye about Kul Kuru, the great beast of the Torangiri Swamps. Them swamps must cover thousands of square miles, with plenty of rivers an’ streams fer large ships an’ small boats to sail up, if’n they be looking for privacy. Plenty of game an’ fruit, too. Good place to take on stores, so long as Kul Kuru don’t get ye.

Now, ol’ Kul Kuru is some sort of huge lizard-man thing. Stands maybe 10 feet tall, has a big mouth full o’ teeth and a tail maybe 7 feet long. That tail can hit like a whip an’ it’ll break a man’s leg for sure. He’s got 4 inch long claws on his hands an’ them’s razor sharp. Slice you up like a roast, they will.

Fer bein’ as big as he is, ol’ Kul Kuru can move real quite like. Most poor bastards don’t even know he’s near ’til he comes tearin’ outta the jungle, an’ by then it’s too late fer ’em. He killed 30 of the 45 men crewin’ the Green Dove in less that 5 minutes. Prob’ly ate most of ’em.

So you listen to me an’ steer clear of them swamps, matey! Now, if you’ll buy me another mug of ale, I’ll tell you about Miri Matol, the sportin’ lady who could breath through her ears.”

A Male Snail With A Pail Of Ale Was In Jail

…and thereby hangs our tale

The Doclopedia #1,134

Monsters Of The Circle Sea: The Great Turtle

Far out to sea, where the waters are deeper than deep, lives the Great Turtle, the largest “monster” on the planet. He (or is it she?) is a full mile long and almost that wide, with a sawtooth looking ridge running the length of the shell. The Great Turtle is a medium green all over and has huge yellow eyes.

While some worship the Great Turtle as a god, most people fear it due to it’s sheer size. The tsunamis it generates just coming to the surface too quickly can reach 10 feet in height. The ones created by it’s wake while swimming along can reach five feet or more.

The Great Turtle does not seem to be sentient, but nobody knows for sure. There are reports of it coming to the aid of ships that have been damaged badly or becalmed. In such cases, any rational sailors will later make a very generous offering by dumping valuables into the sea.

The Cupcake Elves Fight Evil!

…with cream filled cupcakes

The Doclopedia #1,133

Monsters Of The Circle Sea: Sea Tigers

You might think that these creatures are just given their name because they are striped or have some other tiger-like quality, but you’d be wrong. They are real tigers that can swim quite well in the shallow waters of Sasora Bay. They usually eat seals or otters or fish, but they will not pass up some nice fresh man meat if they spot a small boat paddling along. Many sailors and fisherman have been taken by these tigers.

Sea tigers are about 50% larger than ordinary tigers and do spend about half the day out at sea. They are even deadlier on land and anyone going ashore at Sasora Bay had best keep a sharp lookout.

No Say Drugs Just To

…I am SOOOO stoned

Yes, Gentle Readers, I’m starting another “500 Doclopedia Entries in 365 Days” death march. Tune in daily for new high strangeness.

The Doclopedia #1,132

Monsters Of The Circle Sea: The Eye Beast

Nobody knows where the Eye Beast came from, but it has been haunting the Circle Sea

in the area of Albrison Island and the Wargan Fjords for at least the last thousand years. Only the bravest or most insane mariners will sail those waters, which they do to trade with the Wargan barbarians. Those barbarians value steel and will pay handsomely for it. There is money to be made, IF the Eye Beast doesn’t come after you.

The Eye Beast is huge, perhaps 200 feet across and 50 feet tall. It looks like a cloud of foam floating on the ocean surface, but tough foam covered in thousands of eyes. Some of these eyes are three yards across, while others are no bigger than a human eye. Many of them can project rays of heat or madness or other bad things. When the Eye Beast gazes upon your ship, nothing good can come of it.

The eye beast can also extrude tentacles that can grab you and pull you into it’s foamy interior. These tentacles can stretch 100 feet or more with amazing speed. Weapons have no affect on them or any other part of the Eye Beast.

The Eye Beast can move at speeds up to 10 knots, even while going against the wind. Few ships have ever successfully outrun it.

Doc Tempest: The Wall Of Voodoo

…from the May, 1999 issue

 

The Doclopedia #1,131

Monsters Of The Circle Sea: Giant Sea Snakes

If you were to sail 200 miles due south of Black Pig Island, you would find the low and swampy island cluster known as the Snake Islands. It is here that the Giant Sea Snakes come to mate, rear their young and then leave those young to mature. Aside from Fishing Bats, no mammals live on these islands, nor do any ground nesting birds or reptiles. Between the inhospitable nature of the islands and the sea snakes, things will probably stay that way.

A newly hatched Giant Sea Snake is three feet long and about as thick as a broomstick. They grow quickly, fed on small fish and large insects while guarded by both their parents. When, at the age of two months, they reach a length of about seven feet, the parents leave them to fend for themselves.

It takes around a year for the young snakes to reach a length of twenty feet. Only then do they leave the island and go out into open water. They will take another two years to reach their full adult size of fifty feet long and four feet thick.

Giant Sea Snakes are not poisonous, but do have a large mouth full of razor sharp teeth. They are fast and aggressive hunters who will eat nearly anything they can swallow whole, including humanoids. It is not unknown for a Giant Sea Snake to attack a small boat in hopes of knocking a couple of crewmen overboard. Needless to say, most sailors give a wide berth to any snakes they might see.

Giant Sea Snakes live for at least 30 years and are reckoned to be as intelligent as dogs.

Extreme Ducks

…they are NOT your ordinary waterfowl

 

The Doclopedia #1,129

Strange Bandanas: The Tiger Striped One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

This bandana is cursed. When I put it on, I transform into a 7 foot tall man/tiger and go out seeking fresh meat to eat. My hunger is great and must be sated. Nothing can stop me.

Fortunately, there is a 24 hour butcher shop not 5 minutes from my home, so I just go there, buy 15-20 pounds of assorted meat, then go to a nearby park and chow down. Once I do that, the curse is lifted and I go home for a nice long nap after removing the bandana.

 

The Doclopedia #1,130

Strange Bandanas: The Neon Green One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

Like many of my strangest bandanas (and almost all of them are strange), this one grants me a special power. In this case, it is the power to make perennial plants grow at up to double the normal rate. I can also speak with them, but you’d be surprised how little of interest a daylily or an iris has to say. True, a lemon verbena can be quite chatty at times, but for the most part, for stimulating conversation, you’d want to chat up fruit trees or cacti.