Are You Ready To Enter The Kingdom Of Godzilla?

…welcome back, big guy. we missed you.

 

The Doclopedia #1,159

A Hand Full Of…: Dwiff

Oh yes, your Most High Skondorf, that is indeed dwiff, straight from the Cliffs of Ooon. The Thrice Blessed Kelldorn, Feemis Feev, went out and personally slew many lowgs and roozards to get to the Cliffs and obtain it for you.

Yes, Highest One, the blue-green dwiff is the most highly prized. The amount you have in your hand must easily be twice that which the War of Clards and Haavesses was fought over.

Now, in order to use the dwiff properly in the Ritual of Hizic Cleansing and Heavenly Ascendance, we must sacrifice three of your favorite pleems and tattoo the names of your ancestors onto your aanveg and your klurts. After that, we will bathe you in skleb oil and then dust you with the dwiff. Only then can we begin the Ritual.”

The Doclopedia #1,160

A Hand Full Of…: Pixie Poop

Gods damn their eyes! Those two pixies, who were SO polite and helpful, each shit in my hand! They did it so fast, then flew off, that I couldn’t react!

Stop laughing! Ertix, I swear I’ll shove that wand up your skinny ass! Walten, I’ll drop kick you back to your mines! It’s not funny!

How could two 4 inch high creatures hold so much shit? I can’t wipe it off and it smells terrible. Fuck you, you little green bastards! If I ever see the two of you again, I’ll squash you!

What’s that, wizard? A great good deed? Just to get pixie crap off my hand? Sonofabitch! Well, let me get a glove on this hand and we’ll go find a dragon to slay or an army of the undead to stop. Gods, this stuff is wet and warm and…stop laughing, you assholes!”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s