Doc Tempest VS The Deadly Dogs

…from the July, 1956 issue


The Doclopedia #1,155

Dolls: Miracle Baby

On an Earth where several factors came together to drastically lower the birth rate anywhere from 60% to 90%, The desire to have babies drove people to do extreme and often tragic things. Eventually, the World Council made all crimes related to baby acquisition (aside from legal adoption) punishable by death and that calmed things down.

To deal with the lack of infants, the world’s largest toy manufacturer teamed up with the world’s largest robot maker to create Miracle Baby, the most realistic baby doll ever. They behaved exactly as a baby would, even increasing in size and appearance from a 7 pound newborn to a 12 pound crawler. They even ate, peed and pooped. They cost $7,500 in US dollars and 50 million were sold in 3 years.

By year 4, Miracle Toddler came out and most folks traded in their Miracle Babies, which were quickly refurbished and recycled.

It should be noted that as new Miracle Children got older, sales dropped off fast. The company didn’t even bother with Miracle Tweens and the thought of Miracle Teens was never even considered.

The Miracle Baby line was produced for 43 years, finally stopping when humans on Earth started dying off at ever increasing rates. About 30 years later, scientists on the moon were able to send a programming upgrade that made all of the robot dolls sentient, so that they could take care of the few remaining humans on Earth. 

OK, I Admit It! I Wrote The Book Of Love!

…now leave me alone.


The Doclopedia #1,153

Dolls: Asskicker Barbee

On Earth 15, where girls are raised to be just as tough as boys, the number one selling doll is Asskicker Barbee (followed closely by Crimefighter Barbee and GI Barbee). The doll comes dressed in regular street clothes and armed with a knife, a baseball bat and a 9mm pistol in a shoulder holster. She has several scars, including one on her face. Her hair is short.

Accessories include a pair of large attack dogs named Peaches & Sweetie, a big black SUV, assorted weapons (including a Light Anti-tank Weapon) and her friends Ninja Judee and Ultimate Fighter Freda. You can also buy Barbee’s Malibu Hideout.

The Doclopedia #1,154

Dolls: The Three Dolls Of Doom

These “dolls” are actually miniature foot tall golems created by the Mad Sorcerer of D’rodia. Each of them contains the living essence of a powerful demon.

The first doll is Death, who arranges for the best of good people to die in some horrible fashion. Sometimes, these deaths take years to set up. Sometimes, the plans get upset somehow, in which case, Death goes off to find another good person.

The second doll, Madness, finds people of great power and then slowly drives them mad. Often, this madness results in death, war and turmoil. Once the victim is totally insane, the doll leaves.

The final doll is Obsession. She causes her victim, usually a person of great wealth, to become obsessed with one thing or person. This object or person is always very distant or hard to locate or just plain inaccessible. The victim will spend every penny and destroy every relationship to get the object of their desire. Once they get it, Obsession leaves and within days, the now impoverished and friendless person loses all interest in it.

Doctor Silkmelon Arranges An Exhibition

…of steam age robotics


The Doclopedia #1,152

Fun Facts About Our Galaxy: The Donut Planet

Shaped like a donut, hole in the center and all, the Donut Planet is one of the 15 “Mad Planets” created 750 million years ago by the race known only as “The Bwimuush”.

The planet is located 30 light years from the nearest naturally occurring star, but is lit and warmed by two small artificial “suns”. One of these is at the center of the donut hole while the other circles the outside of the donut. These suns are balls of fire on one side only. The other side resembles a typical moon and glows faintly.

It is a mystery as to exactly gravity and other physics work on this world, but that doesn’t stop scientists from all over the galaxy from discussing it, sometimes to the point of fisticuffs.

There is no sentient life on the Donut Planet, but it teems with life on the land and in the oceans. Oddly, some of this life almost certainly came from other planets in the past, including Earth.

Quails In The Flower Patch

…I think they were hiding


The Doclopedia #1,149

Fun Facts About Our Galaxy: The Clown Planet

Did you ever see that movie with the killer clowns from space? Well, this planet is like that, only worse. Thankfully, the homicidal blood & flesh consuming clowns that live here do not have space travel capabilities.

Nobody knows how this planet came to be so fucked up, but it didn’t happen naturally. Almost every mammalian, avian and reptilian species was purposely mutated to look goofy and be dangerous as hell. Even some of the fish are screwed up.

The Clownoids are creepy bastards at the best of times, but when they decide to go on a killing spree, which they do pretty damned often, they redline the Creepmeter. They kill each other for food, but that is offset by their rapid reproduction. What they really love to eat is other sentient species, but they seldom get a chance now that their planet is on the No Contact list.

Take our advice and stay away from here.

The Doclopedia #1,150

Fun Facts About Our Galaxy: Rogue Planet 33

There are tens of thousands of rogue planets out there, planets that got cast out of their home systems by any number of disasters and are now wandering in interstellar space. These planets range from rocky little worlds the size of Mercury to enormous gas giants twice the size of Jupiter.

Fortunately, the several galaxy spanning civilizations of the Milky Way usually find and mine these worlds for everything from gases to minerals to preserved DNA. A few get destroyed because they are on dangerous paths towards inhabited systems. But Rogue Planet 33 is different, because sentients still live on it.

Deep below the frozen atmosphere and surface of the planet, millions of beings live in huge underground habitats, powered by fusion generators. These habitats contain cities, agricultural lands and even wilderness. They cover tens of thousands of square miles. Life is actually very good down there.

How these sentients knew that their planet was doomed and why they chose going underground rather that out into space is not known, but we do know that they did it 20,000 years ago. We also know that in roughly 500 years, the planet will enter the orbit of a star that will thaw it out. The Trans-Galactic Union has decided to guide the planet into an optimal orbit, then eventually contact the sentients and help them to rebuild their world. Until then, our only contact will be the microbots that we have installed inside their habitats so as to watch and learn about them.

The Doclopedia #1,151

Fun Facts About Our Galaxy: Vacation World

Hey there, oxygen breathing sentients, come visit us on Vacation World! We offer deluxe vacation packages that fit any budget! Choose from any of our 22 climatic zones and relax.

Our vacation packages cover all your lodging, meals, transportation and energy needs. Regardless of your age or sex, you’ll have a great time on Vacation World!

Our entire planet is geared towards your satisfaction! We have sports, adventure, relaxation, educational opportunities and just plain fun! 50,000,000,000,000,000 vacationers can’t be wrong!

For more information on Vacation World, or to plan your getaway, just check us out on GalNet 17.

Vacation World: Our name says it all!

The Tibetan Book Of The Dad

…one of the lesser known works.


The Doclopedia #1,148

Magical Masks: The Last Mask You Will Ever Wear

Yes, students, we will indeed be ending this series of lectures with the legendary Death Mask, the last mask you will ever wear. Oh my, I do believe that we have broken the record for faintings. Do count them up, Kilby. I’d like to take the record away from old Gwervenhurst.

Now if you will all compose yourselves, I’ll go on. Yes, this is the real Death Mask, which has kindly agreed to be here today. We thank it for indulging us.

As you all know, the Death Mask seeks out Wizards who are about to die and steals their faces at the moment of death. Given that many of us die in ways that are very sudden and leave no body afterward, the Death Mask has to operate very quickly. Often, there are several Wizards dying at once, which makes the need for alacrity even more pressing. Such was the case 47 years ago when Wizard Sah Javonicus and his friends tried to perfect the Constant Fireball spell that created the crater that now holds Javonicus Lake on our south campus.

The Death Mask was created somewhere in the old Kingdom of Trahappa about 2,500 years ago. As with today, it’s sole purpose was to obtain the faces of every Wizard born, once they were done with them. What? Oh yes, Mr. Kwin, this does extend to those vile Wizards that ascend to lichdom, thus explaining why all of them are so skeletal and ugly.

Where these faces are kept is a mystery that, we are told by the ancient Book Of The End, will only be revealed to the Last Wizard just before all Magick leaves our world. It is rumored…and I stress, RUMORED…that these faces are still alive, though in a deathlike slumber. One wonders what they might have to tell that Last Wizard when finally he meets them.

Junior Muskrat Gets A Pig

…or did the pig get him? hmmm…


The Doclopedia #1,147

Magical Masks: The UnMask

Students, this mask, a very plain affair made of cotton cloth, should only be donned by the bravest of the brave. You see, once this mask is on a face, it shows the wearer as he or she truly is in their heart of hearts. And not just facially, oh no. The entire body might change, and often does. Some examples…

A rather plain and overweight young man put on the mask and those who beheld him were astounded to see him transform into a strong and gentle featured man who fairly radiated kindness and good will.

The former Queen of Barsania put on the mask and was revealed to be a cruel woman filled with hatred. She was very ugly.

The great knight, Sir Gillom of Trant was revealed to be a beautiful young woman. Everyone was taken aback by this, but Sir Gillom burst into tears and cried out “No more the lie!”

And then, years later, I donned the mask. You do not want to know what sort of person had a fat middle aged Scholar/Wizard inside them.

Oh, yes, excellent guess, Miss Plimator, the changes wrought by the mask are permanent.