Rude Cormorants Pestered My Warblers

…until I chucked a brick at them


Dog Con 7


Day 2: In which some of us do not speak French, we visit a very lonely grave, see lots of mold, cause a small riot and see our first Giant Jesus.

9:00 am

Hey, if y’all ever want to see a fun and mindblowing double feature of movies, you’ll do great watching “Attack of the Giant Lemurs” followed by “El Santo & The Blue Demon Meet The Space Zombies”. Cute giant primates and luchadors! How can you lose?

(Leon: That giant lemur flick was funny as hell.)

(Daisy: They were actually kind of cute.)
(Flash: Yeah, even as they trashed the city.)

(Lulu: And you can’t go wrong with Santo!)

(Silky: Nope, he is always fun to watch.)

(Roxy: How come you never see movies about giant cats destroying cities?)

Our morning started with a nice big breakfast, then we hit the road. Up until a few minutes ago, I was driving and making up filk songs with Mary (including a rather bawdy one to the tune of “Only You”), but now Data has the wheel and I’m getting ready to go get some chocolate.


11:30 am

After nearly 3 hours of driving, and several games of Settlers Of Catan, we are at one of the most seldom visited spots in all of Canada: the grave of the last politician from Quebec who gave a damn about the rest of Canada. It’s a lonely grave way out at the end of a poorly maintained dirt road way out in the country. The headstone has had the name chipped away, but you see that he died in 1935. There are many old broken wine bottles here, too. My guess is that we are the first humans to set foot here in at least 20 years. An old weathered sign on a nearby tree say (in French) “Here lies a traitor to Quebec!”. None of our Canadian contingent knows who the hell this guy was.

12:45 pm

We just finished lunch in Montreal and boy, am I glad we have plenty of French speakers here. Ginie was really a great help when she translated “Listen up, you snotty little punk. Bring us our order right now or I’ll stomp a mudhole in your ass and then kick it dry” for me. It really improved the service when our waiter got a bit uppity.

(Sasha: That’s my dad! Always a model of subtlety.)

(Sadie: I think him pointing to his really big feet also helped.)

Now that we are all really well fed and rested up a bit, we are on our way to the Museum of Molds & Fungi. It’s not far, so we’ll be walking.

2:30 pm

Folks here in Montreal are a bit jumpy when they see a basset hound with a land octopus on her back walking down the street. A few of them even jumped off the sidewalk into traffic. Strange.

(Sasha: And I wasn’t even doing anything, just holding Mary’s hand as we walked.)

Anyway, the Museum of Molds & Fungi was pretty darned interesting, despite smelling a bit odd.

(Daisy: Parts of it smelled like stinky feet!)

(Jazz: And all of it smelled musty.)
(Silky: That one exhibit smelled like broccoli farts.)

(Sadie: It sure did! PHEW!)

We saw maybe 2,000 living examples of molds & fungi, including the yeasts that help make bread & beer, Dog bless them. Thankfully, our guide was a British fellow with a pretty funny way of explaining what we were seeing. He was quite taken with the critters, whom he described as “very well behaved”. Thank goodness for the threat of teleportation to the Meadow Room.

We bought not only t-shirts, bumper stickers & fridge magnets, but several plush molds & fungi.

(Daisy: I’m gonna put my Brewer’s Yeast plushie next to my Klingon bat’leth!)

When we left the museum, we started back to the bus via a small park at which some sort of festival was going on. Unfortunately, between the critters starting up a rousing version of “Mercedes Benz”…

(Jazz: My idea.)

…and Sasha deciding to juggle about 16 different small objects…

(Sasha: Gotta maintain tentacular dexterity!)

(Leon: Sasha is a wicked good juggler!)

…we seem to have started a small riot.

(Lulu: Have we ever taken a trip where we DIDN’T start a riot?)

(Flash: Not after I came on the scene.)

(Sasha: That explains SO much.)

So, with people running around and screaming in French, English and a couple other languages, we quickly headed back to the bus, where we are now. Next stop: our first Giant Jesus!

6:00 pm

Well, that first Giant Jesus was just a few minutes outside Montreal (where, according to our police scanner, that riot lasted for two hours). As Giant Sons of God go, this one was the best looking so far, even if it wasn’t the tallest. At only about 30 feet tall, it was pretty easy to climb up to the top and look out through the eye windows.

(Daisy: “Pretty easy” meaning that we only stopped about 4 times for breathing sessions. For the humans, not us critters.)

(Leon: When we got down, Mom & Doc were swearing that they needed to get some bionic knees ASAP.)

(Daisy: Well, they are like, really old.)

The Giant Jesus of Quebec gift shop was pretty nice and we not only got bumper stickers, t-shirts and hats, but a Giant Jesus bobblehead for the dashboard. I stuck him on facing my bobblehead rabbi and bobblehead Buddah.

We are now at a campground outside some small town, but only long enough to cook up dinner, eat and walk the critters. After that, we’re back on the road and heading west. Tonight will be another fun night of games and stuff.

(Flash: I’m hoping we get to play Car Wars.)

Destination Sign when we started: Metropolis

Destination Sign when we stopped: Ego, The Living Planet

Music: The Dr. Demento Show, 1979-1984


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