Today Is The Day The Deadly Bears Have Their Picnic

…which, it would seem, will be mostly cats.


Dog Con 7


Day 4: In which we cross the middle of Canada the same way we cross the Midwest of the USA (fast), see a big Tiny City, are chased by sheep and see a hobbit house.

9:00 am

We are about to tuck into yet another big breakfast before taking a walk in the Forest Room. By the time we are done with that, we will have crossed the all the way over to Banff National Park, right near the border to British Columbia. We have a couple of interesting things to see once we get into B.C., but first we will spend some time seeing the scenic wonders of Banff. And now, bacon and other foods.

12:30 pm

Wow! Banff National Park is some kind of beautiful! We’ve been here a couple of hours and we’ll probably spend a few more. The scenery here will knock you for a loop, folks. Lots of wildlife, too, some of ir big enough to keep even Flash from wanting to go into the dense woods.

(Flash: Bears! BEARS!)

(Leon: Wolves, too!)

(Sasha: Pretty sure I smelled a mountain lion or two.)

(Silky: Yep, I’ll just stick really close to the humans.)

Once we leave here, we’ll be stopping at our next roadside attraction, Tiny City. Now, time for a hike in the woods.

(Flash: WTF???)

3:45 pm

Having had out fill of scenic wonders and nature…

(Leon: We saw a HUGE prehistoric mouse!)

(Roxy: That was a beaver, you dummy!)

…we got back aboard our home on wheels for some snacks and a quick trip to the town of Darby Creek for a look at the biggest Tiny City you are likely to find anywhere.

For a cost of only $3.00, Jim & Joe Yakspill (and their lovely wives) will show you Tiny City, a vast metropolis built on an area 90 feet wide and 270 feet long. The buildings are so small, you get a bigass magnifying glass to look at the ones around the edge of town. The detail would make my miniatures wargaming friends weep with joy.

(Lulu: It would make most folks weep from eyestrain.)

The tallest buildings in town are the downtown skyscrapers, the tallest of which is still only about 4 feet tall. To see the detail on most of the city, Jim & Joe have rigged up cameras on wires sort of like the way the do for football and other arena events. You sit in some comfy chairs and watch the tour on a big screen.

The whole city has landscaping and tiny people and all sorts of cool stuff. A great deal for only three bucks a head. Of course, there were about 100 other folks there with us and the eventual t-shirts were $20.00 a pop, but still worth every cent.

On the outskirts of Darby Creek, we stopped for a group video next to an unfenced field full of beautiful sheep.

(Sasha: Or as I call them, mutton curry on the hoof.)

(Sadie: Mmmm…curry!)

(Silky: Can’t eat curry. Gives me terrible gas.)

(Daisy: It gives Dad gas too, but that doesn’t slow him down.)

The resulting video will no doubt become a beloved classic, since it shows all of us but Lulu running for our lives when 300 fucking insane sheep decided to chase us. Much running was done and many bad words were said in a variety of languages. Eventually, after some of us turned and fought, the sheep backed off and we got back on the bus. We all agreed that our next big dinner would include lamb.

(Daisy: Holy shit! Those sheep were vicious!)

(Sadie: I was so scared, I peed!)

(Flash: I did NOT need that shit after the bears!)

(Sasha: I’m glad I can run on these tentacles.)

(Roxy: What the hell was that all about?)

(Leon: What the hell do they feed those wooly bastards?)

(Silky: I’m glad I was able to hide under the bus.)

(Jazz: I was right there with ya, Silky!)

(Lulu: HAHAHAHAHA! You all were so funny!)

More blogging once my heart rate drops below Near Coronary.

7:30 pm

We are just back from a lovely dinner in Kamloops, B.C., and yes, we all had lamb. Fuck you, killer sheep! We will be spending the night here and we are about to go do some exploring in the Warehouse before watching some movies.

First, however, I need to tell you about the hobbit house we saw. It was way out in the middle of nowhere in a small mountain valley that the Trans Canada Highway passes through. There was a small wooden sign that said “Hobbit House, 2 kilometers”, so we stopped to take a look when we reached it. Sure enough, it looked just like something out of the Lord Of The Rings movies. A family of six lives there and they showed us around the inside. It’s a really big house with 5 bedroom, three bathrooms and a heated indoor pool. We were all really impressed. Then we showed the family the inside of the bus and they were REALLY impressed.

It was a pretty cool looking house.

(Daisy: Sadly, there were no actual hobbits or dwarves or wizards.)

More blogging tomorrow.

Destination Sign when we started: Barsoom

Destination Sign when we stopped: Vulcan

Music: Psychedelic Swing & Big Band Favorites


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