Please Don’t Feed The Kraken

…and for goodness sake, do NOT unleash him

 

Sasha Explains It All

You Are Not Alone, Or Even Unique

One of the things that makes humans and a whole bunch of other races interesting and also kind of delusional is this whole idea of you each being totally unique. This belief is a cherished one, especially by self help gurus and fashion designers. And pretty much every consumer product company. Oh, and advertisers. Can’t forget them.

Now, while is is ultimately true that each living thing is unique due to the influences of it’s own life path, outside effects & such, you humans are not so unique as you think. Not even close, really.

Before I go any further with my puncturing of your egos, let me just say that we dogs aren’t exactly bastions of uniqueness either. Just look at a bunch of black labs or bichons or scotties, for goodness sake. They really DO all look alike! Hell, even dogs with some variety of coat colors/patterns look pretty damned similar unless we’ve had some accident. We bassets all have the big snout, long ears, short legs, etc. Same for every breed, really, as well as cats, rabbits, etc.

Now, we DO have other things to help individualize ourselves, including smells, but we aren’t that much more unique than you guys.

So back to why you aren’t unique. In a word: multiverse. See, on average, most folks here on Earth have between 190 and 400 pretty damned near exact duplicates out there on other world’s. These are the ones who aren’t radically different from the Prime. Go out a few more quanta and you can easily quintuple that number and still not be in the really exotic realms.

As an example, let’s take a look at my Auntie Avis. Now, she is a sweet hearted lady who is single (long time divorced), a geek, level headed, over 60, pretty healthy and has worked at her job for over 20 years. She lives in a city in a New England state and has a cat named Leon.

I can show you at least 67 just like her on other worlds. Now, in some she works a different job and in some she has a dog named Leon and in some she was married longer or shorter lengths of time and in some she lives in another city in the same state but fundamentally, she is the same person each time. A great person, but not unique.

Now, there are worlds where Auntie Avis is WAY different, like the one where she is 6 inches taller, has tattoos and is part of a roller derby team when she isn’t working as a police officer. Or the world where she is, essentially, Batman. Or the world where she’s a zombie killing asskicking grandmother. But in the near quanta, she is the wonderful auntie who gives us dogs bellyrubs and sort of balances out Daddy in each universe.

So, like I said, you aren’t really unique. While that might kind of deflate and depress some of you, I think it ought to make you feel good. After all, you are not alone in the multiverse. There are plenty of you.

Except for my human dad. Now, there are tons of him out there, and in the near quanta they are pretty much ordinary guys. Farmers, game designers, writers, cooks, etc. Almost all of them live in California, except a couple who live in Hawaii and one who lives in Seattle. They are all married to some version of Mom, although she does sometimes have different hair color.

The problem is, there are none like the man sitting 15 feet from me right now humming the theme to The Wild Wild West while eating a pb&j and reading a web comic. None driving Magic Buses with mentally jumped up dogs & cats & robot dogs. None who can use a BilTokian gravity glove with ease, but not be able to tell you how and where he learned how to use it.

Maybe there are others like him in the outer quanta, but it’s still a mystery to me how he could be the Prime to so many ordinary dudes. And while I’m at it, there’s something subtly odd about Mom, too, but I’m damned if I can pin it down.

Anyhow, my parents aside, none of us are unique, so get over it.

Until my next rant,

Dr. Sasha Jane Cross, PhD

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