Fig Soup

…hot or cold

Sasha Explains It All


What the hell is it with males? Does having a penis shut off half of the brain? I don’t include testicles here, because when you’re a dog, they are often missing on your male partners. But they all have a dick and half the time it’s all they think with and the rest of the time they barely think at all! I am reliably told by most of the female humans I know that this is why civilization is so fucked up.

Okay, so here is what prompted this rant. As some of you might know, I have two main DWBs (Dogs With Benefits), Buster and Moose. Buster is my age, 6, and Moose is 4. Much of the time, either or both (Don’t you dare act shocked, humans. Most of you have probably done a threesome at least once) of them are up for some sex, even if it’s just a quicky. But other times, it’s all “sorry, baby, but me and the guys are gonna chase rabbits or go pee on stuff or bark at birds or roll in a dead squished possum”. I mean, there is hot coochie ready for lovin’ and they’ve got to go chase a damned jackrabbit? WTF? They can’t wait 10 minutes? Odds are they won’t catch the rabbit anyway.

So that happened today. Buster, Moose, my good old backup pal Darby, even that hyperactive fox terrier on the next block, all going off to do male stuff. No love for Sasha (or Silky, but she’s mellower about it) today. “Maybe this evening”, Buster said. “How about tomorrow”, Moose asked.

Well to hell with those guys! The vagina train has left the station, boys, and you weren’t on it! 90 day Bad Dog timeout for you! I’m going to go check out that little pit bull/spaniel mix over on the next block. Or maybe that young husky 3 blocks west of here. Or maybe I’ll just build a male dog android! You wouldn’t find him passing up a good time just so he can go roll in a dead possum!

(Note: I have nothing against rolling in road kill and in fact enjoy it, but mama has been working hard in her lab and was looking for a bit of the old in & out, ya know?)

Now, don’t go writing and telling me that all males aren’t dumbfucks. I know they aren’t. Well, at least not all the time. But damn, they can be pretty fucking obtuse.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my sexually frustration based rant. I’m sure I’ll be fine after I go call on that young good looking husky.

Until my next rant,

Dr. Sasha Jane Cross, PhD