Spanking The Monk

…WAY different than spanking the monkey

The Doclopedia # 1,237

The Crazy Game: Variation #300

Number of players: 6 to 21

Uniforms: Necktie (bow ties are okay), human ladies undies

Playing field: Any 3 average suburban front yards, without fancy landscaping.

Minimum equipment: 33 old unmatched socks, 1 empty (but clean) soup can, 5 sticks of varying length, a golf ball, a rawhide chew toy that isn’t too messed up and a dead squirrel.

The Rules:

1: Each team gets an equal number of socks, with any extra sock being placed in the center of the middle yard. Once play starts, teams can steal other teams socks for valuable Sock Points (2 points per sock), except if it is really cloudy, in which case you only get Sock Points for the socks you have when the game ends.

2: The game will last 1 hour, 11 minutes.

3: Anybody who drops the golf ball into the soup can is then the Coolest Player and gets 25 points for their team, except on weekends, when they get 34 points but must do a little dance first.

4: Bodyslamming is okay, as it nudging, headbutting and scrowfing (for dogs).

5: You get 5 points for carrying the rawhide chew toy from Yard 1 to Yard 3.

6: 10 points will be awarded to any player that leaps over the dead squirrel but does not stop to sniff it or roll in it. Peeing on it loses your team 47 points!

7: No flopping is allowed in this game.

8: Stealing all the sticks from the Stick Zone is worth 10 points, even in the rain.

9: The Referee will create 2 Secret Zones that deduct 1 point for each critter in them.

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