Mr. Porkwaffle Creates Art

…quite by accident

 

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

 

As a gift to all you mothers out there, here are TWO Doclopedia entries!

 

 

The Doclopedia #1,340

Enchanted Household Items: Recliner Of Astral Travel

You remember how Doctor Strange can cause his astral form to leave his physical body and move around all over, including through solid objects? Well, this enchanted recliner will let you do the same thing. Just recline it all the way back, say the magical phrase that triggers it and you are out of your body and into the astral plane. You can fly around at ridiculously high speeds and pass through any solid object that is not enchanted against astral beings.

Please remember that if you stay on the astral plane for more than a couple of hours, returning to your body might be a bit difficult. You should also be aware that there are many creatures that live on the astral plane that would enjoy killing you and eating you. Try to avoid them.

 

The Doclopedia #1,341

Enchanted Household Items: Toilet Plunger Of Energy Draining

If you are being attacked, grab this plunger and press it against your attacker! Each time you do that, it will steal 25% of his/her energy. After 4 attacks, they fall down exhausted and will sleep at least 2 hours.

The plunger is only half as effective on the undead, but twice as effective on energy based creatures and robotic lifeforms. Effectiveness versus aliens is all over the map, so be careful.

Can also be used to unclog a toilet.

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Spanky The Wonder Squirrel

…don’t ask how he got his nickname.

 

Support this blog on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DocCross

 

A Note From Your Humble Narrator

 

As you might have noticed, posts to this blog have been rather scarce these last couple of months. That’s because my shitty day job, for which I have to wake up at 4 in the morning to be at work by 6 for, has really been grinding me down. I have hardly any energy to do the more important things in life, let alone write.

I will try to increase my blogging output, but I can’t promise anything. Anyway, thank you all for your patience.

 

Doc

 

The Doclopedia #1,339

Enchanted Household Items: Doormat Of Truth

Any intelligent creature that stands on this doormat will tell the truth as long as they remain on it. This works for any intelligent creature, including aliens and the undead. Better yet, they will not even think that they shouldn’t be telling you the truth. It will just seen like the proper thing to do.

This item looks like an ordinary doormat made from recycled tire rubber. It says “Welcome” and has a butterfly and a canary painted on it. It shows very little wear.

 

The Only A Couple Of Days Late, But Still Pretty Darned Exciting, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Expired Jar Of Gefilte Fish

…c0-starring her good buddy, Eddie Smulwich

 

Sasha's Bad Day, Part 5 
 

I crawl along the face of the cliff at a pretty good friendly neighborhood Spider-Man clip, which is easy when you have four tentacles and four short little basset hound legs. In no time, I’m a couple of miles away and I see a little mesa with really steep sides off in the distance. Looks like a good place to spend the night.

Now I’m swinging through the trees, well above the reach of any dinosaur. Unfortunately, the forest gives way to about a quarter mile of meadow before I can even start up the sides of the mesa. Not good, because clearings are prime hunting grounds. The ceratopsins and other grazers down below don’t seem to care, but I’m not heavily armored, fast on my feet or part of a herd. I’m gonna need to haul some serious ass and hope my strange appearance confuses any predators.

After a couple of deep breaths, I’m down from the tree and running toward the mesa.