Chapter 883: In Which Our Hero, Heartbroken And Drunk, Still Manages To Con Three Frenchmen Out Of 1,000 Francs.

…of course, the Frenchies were drunk, too.

 

The Doclopedia #1,350

Strange Bandanas: The Hawaiian Print One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

Oddly enough, I got this lovely tropical print bandana in Hawaii, on Maui. It was sold to me by a roadside vendor who told me it would bring me good luck if I was near the sea. Boy, was she right! Two days later, on the beach near Hilo (on the Big Island), I found a 100 dollar bill! Since then, I have worn the bandana many times when I was near the sea.

Near San Diego, I stopped my car to look at some passing whales just before a 35 car pile up that I would have been in the middle of.

While at the beach in San Francisco, I found a guitar buried in the sand. Turned out to have belonged to Jerry Garcia, who lost it 20 years earlier. He rewarded me nicely.

At the beach in Oregon, I narrowly missed being struck by lightning!

And at a remote beach in Japan, I saw just the top of Godzilla’s head and his eyes break the surface. He looked around and then submerged. I left and took the first flight home.

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The Incredible Adventures Of The Fabulous Four

…starring Daisy, Sasha, Luke & Silky

 

The Doclopedia #1,349

Girls Just Wanna Have Guns: Lady Patience Stanton

Name: Patience Amanda Catherine Stanton
Age: 31
Profession: Monster Hunter

Her Guns: .45 caliber pistols, sawed off shotgun, stake firing airgun

Lady Patience has been hunting monsters since she was 16 years old, the same year the infamous Werewolf of York killed her sister and her fiance. Since then, she has dispatched vampires, demons, mummies, revivified corpses, even more lycanthropes and the odd witch. She is exceptionally good at what she does.

The ammunition that she uses varies depending upon the creature she is hunting. For werewolves, silver is always useful. For mummies, she uses a low powered round that ignites on contact with the air. For vampires, she uses small stakes blessed by the pope himself. Of course, for some monsters, the traditional lead slug works very well indeed.

Dogs And Hogs Writing Blogs About Frogs

…often in heavy fogs

The Doclopedia #1,348

Girls Just Wanna Have Guns: Sherry DiNova

Name: Sherrylyn Alice DiNova
Age: 29
Profession: Dispenser of Justice

Her Guns: Matched pair of Sigorovich Mk X Dart Throwers

In the year 2120, Earth is ruled by megacorporations, corrupt military and police, crooked politicians and the propaganda of the media. The planet-wide ecosystem is in collapse and every year the weather kills millions of people.

In a last ditch attempt to change history, the crumbling Resistance sent Sherry DiNova into the past to eliminate those people that were responsible for the state of things in 2120. Armed with her full body armor, her pistols and a MakerBox to create ammunition, Sherry arrived in the year 1996 on New Year’s Day. She immediately began crossing names off her very long list. By January 3rd, 15 people were dead and certain scientists had information and tech that was a century ahead. Sherry had already changed the future, but there was still a long list of names to deal with.

Sherry prefers the Sigorovich Mk X Dart Throwers because they have Genius technology, superb balance and they can change ammo types with a thought. Her preferred ammo is the Pyroblast and the Dissolver, the latter releasing powerful enzymes that will dissolve an entire body in under 4 hours. As you can imagine by her favorite choices, Sherry likes to leave a mess behind. She finds that sowing terror in the corrupt and evil makes her job a whole lot more fun.

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The Absolutely Crazy, Yet Still Totally Believable, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Strawberry Jam Incident

…co-starring her best old pal, Wendy Wheatgrass

 

Hot Damn, it’s more Doclopedia entries!

The Doclopedia #1,350

Fun Magic Spells: The Wall of Marshmallow Spell

This spell creates a wall up to 30 feet wide, 10 feet tall and 3 feet thick. As stated, the wall is made up of marshmallow. The outside is dry to the touch, but the interior is very sticky. Getting stuck to it will slow any creature to ¼ of their normal movement rate. If set on fire, the wall will burn and melt in under 3 minutes and will smell delicious.


The Doclopedia #1,351

Fun Magic Spells: The Spiked Water Spell

Casting this spell can cause up to 5 gallons of water to have the same effects as 80 proof alcohol when imbibed. The effects last for varying lengths of time on different individuals, races or species. The water tastes just like ordinary water and does not leave a hangover.

 

Carol Robinson, Mark A Schmidt, Loyd Blankenship and Derek Pearcy have all gotten to read & enjoy Patreon Backer Only content!

If YOU would like to read that same content, and more in the future, back this blog for as little as ONE DOLLAR a month. Or more, if you feel generous.

Support this blog on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DocCross

 

The Dancing Elks Present: Holiday Happenings On Ice

…how the hell do they dance on ice with those hooves?

A very quick post, just so y’all know I’m not dead.

The Doclopedia #1,348

Fun Magic Spells: The Following Fart Cloud

 

Cast this second level spell on someone and their next fart comes out as a noxious green cloud that follows right behind them at a distance of 2 feet. The spell lasts for 5 minutes.

 

The Doclopedia #1,349

Fun Magic Spells: The Merry Wanderers Spell

Cast this on any group of 2 to 6 humanoids and they will transform into a polka band and play a happy song before wandering off in a random direction for the next 30 minutes.