…co-starring her pet jerboa, Earline
So way back in 2112, at the age of 60, I got hit by a car, killed and reincarnated as a yellow Labrador Retriever. I wrote about it in my January 27th, 2012 post, but I figured you folks might want to know what happened next.
After I had chatted with Winker and Lucy, I left the house I was killed at and stopped a crazy son of a bitch from attacking a woman. I bit him, he ran into the street and a fire truck ran him over. He didn’t die, but he’ll never attack anyone again. Or eat solid food.
My cat friend Al and I made our way up the west coast to Seattle, where I checked in on some friends from my human days. It took us months to get there, mostly because I kept helping folks out of jams. See, that’s why I got the whole reincarnated dog gig, so I could do good deeds.
After Seattle, we spent just over a year crossing the country to get to New England. I checked up on many friends there over the course of a few weeks. Al and I kept meeting nice folks who would feed us and let us sleep on their porch or in their barn. It was pretty swell.
When the time to move on came, I figured, “Why not hike the Appalachian Trail?”. And so we did.
Eventually, 2 ½ years after leaving Sacramento, Al and I wound up in Amarillo, Texas, at the Big Texan Steakhouse. I had been there once as a human and I was hoping we could mooch some good chow.
Half way across the parking lot, I caught a familiar smell. It was Winker! The old girl was in a minivan that just pulled up. She recognized me and we had a short conversation before the humans got out of the van.
Lucy had died a few months earlier, at age 17. Winker was on a cross country trip with Grace, her new husband and two new basset girls, Sasha & Daisy. She said Grace had sold the house and they were all traveling around the country, sometimes in the minivan and sometimes in an RV.
Grace and her husband got out of the car and she was looking very well. Her hubs seemed like a nice guy and they even gave Al and I some chicken nuggets to eat. They were getting ready to go into their motel room, so I really only had time to say goodbye to Winker before they were gone.
Let me pause here to say that my memories of my human life have never left me, but they have receded and it sometimes takes a good while to remember exact memories. Some are so deep, they are essentially lost. In fact, everything from before I turned about 40 is a big hazy glob. Things do pop up in dreams once in a while though.
To make a long story shorter, the next 5 years found Al and I doing our thing helping folks out, saving lives, etc. It was fun and we saw a whole lot of the USA, Canada and Mexico. But about the time I had my 11th birthday, I knew old age was catching up to me. Al was 13 and slowing up, too, so we figured it might be time to find a nice family to adopt us.
That was the Adjami family, immigrants from Africa who lived in Las Vegas. They had 4 young kids and they took in Al & I and gave us a great home. Their was always a warm bed or sofa, good food and plenty of love.
Not long after my 16th birthday, I knew that my life would end soon. I was very tired and had arthritis and a heart that was past it’s use by date. I told Al, now 18 himself, goodbye, crawled up on the couch with him and a few minutes later breathed my final breath.
As a dog.
As before, I found myself standing there in the living room, looking at my dead body. Al was meowing sadly and the humans were coming to see what was wrong.
“You probably don’t want to watch what comes next, Doc”
It was the Nice Lady, or Reincarnation Lady or whoever she is. I told her yes, I would like to leave. Next thing you know, we are in a high mountain meadow. It was very pretty and peaceful.
“You did very well during that life, Doc. You saved many lives and stopped many crimes. You get a reward now.”
I was thinking this might be where I walk into the light, but I was wrong. See, my reward was that I could pick the next mammal I got reincarnated as. The only restrictions were it could not be a human or a dog. It also had to be able to help people.
That made things a lot more complicated. Dogs are very suited for helping people and they also don’t make folks freak out if they see one walking down the street. The same cannot be said for a bear or a lion or an elephant.
House cats don’t freak folks out, but their life saving abilities are limited. Bunnies or guinea pigs are non-starters, as are goats or horses or other farm animals. What to choose, what to choose.
Then it hit me. There was an animal that might be useful and would not freak many humans out. It even had one advantage over dogs.
“Make me a raccoon.”
She clapped her hands and remarked that I had made an excellent choice. A few seconds later, I was emerging from the birth canal of a raccoon in Toronto, Canada. Our nest was in an old shed and I had two sisters and a brother. I got licked clean, found a nipple and dozed off while hitting the milk bar.
That was 6 months ago and now I’m part of a large pack of raccoons that patrol several blocks of a Toronto suburb every night. I’m still human intelligent, so I figure I’ll take control of the pack in a week or two. Once I do, I plan on using my fellow trash pandas and our manipulative paws (big advantage over dogs and worth the decreased sense of smell and bite power) to help humans out, especially in the area of crime fighting.
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Raccoon knows!
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