A Horse! A Horse! My Tiny House For A Horse!

…Shakespeare, updated

 

 

The Doclopedia #1,437

The Alphabet: D is For… Door Lady

On the Earth of The Change (Earth 86-Q), the Door Lady is a self employed delivery person with the Mutant power to step in any door on Earth and come out any other door on Earth.

She only needs to know the street address of a door or, barring that, see a picture of it. Once she passes through a door, she never forgets it. She can, in emergency, do a blind jump, but seldom needs to.

The Door Lady will deliver letters and packages, so long as the 30 pound weight limit is observed. Her rates are very reasonable and she does dozens of deliveries a day.

The Doclopedia #1,438

The Alphabet: D is For… Drixxian Weasels

On the terraformed planet Drixx 4, Terran animals introduced 1,500 years ago have changed to fit their habitat. Weasels were one creature that changed rather quickly.

Descended from North American Long Tailed Weasels, the Drixxian Weasel is three times as large, entirely nocturnal, and lives and hunts in packs of from 7 to 20 individuals. Their diet includes insects, invertebrates, reptiles, amphibians, birds and any mammal a pack can bring down, which is almost anything for a large pack. This includes cattle, horses, bison and humans.

Fortunately for most creatures, Drixxian Weasels prefer to live and hunt in deep old growth forests. They do this to avoid one of their few predators, the Drixxian Giant Horned Owl.

These weasels have coats ranging from dark red to black. They reproduce once every two years and have 4 to 8 young. The average lifespan of a Drixxian weasel is 5 years.

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Doctor Silkmelon And Mr. Porkwaffle Indulge In Some Excellent Scotch

…later, they sang songs about Potawango Island

 

 

The Doclopedia #1,435

The Alphabet: C is For… Chinese Giants

On our Earth, very tall people from china are rare, but not unknown. Mostly, they emigrate to other countries to play pro sports.

But on Earth 6-A, people over 7.5 feet tall are fairly common in China. That is because they are all descendents of “The 10,000 Children of Heaven”, who were all born over a 3 year period in the late 14th Century. These children grew to be men and women standing well over 8 feet tall. In addition to their great height, they were also smart and strong. Their bodies showed none of the signs of typical gigantism or acromegaly. They were all properly proportioned, just larger than normal.

Most of the children were rounded up at about age 10 and brought to live in an Imperial City built just for them. The Emperor was both intrigued by them and fearful of them. After all, 10,000 giants could stir up a lot of trouble if they chose to.

Sadly, the Emperor should have been worrying about his brother, who had him killed and then assumed the throne. When this happened, the now 18-21 year old giants did cause trouble. In a single night, they rose up, killed the Emperor and his major supporters and took control of the Empire.


As it turned out, the giants were wise and just rulers and much beloved by the general populace. For the next 300 years, giants (of increasingly diminishing size) ruled China and enacted many reforms leading to it becoming the great democracy it is today.

The last “true” giant ruler of China, who stood 8′ 3” tall, died in 1704.

The Doclopedia #1,436

The Alphabet: C is For… Collar of Mighty Magic

On DogEarth 34-T, you will find a fantasy world inhabited by anthropomorphic canines of all sorts. Some are mighty warriors, some are sly thieves. There are druids, clerics of all sorts, amazons and barbarians. And, of course, there are wizards.

It was one of these wizards, Barkemous Ruff, who created the Collar of Mighty Magic. You see, old Barky got tired of running out of spell energy and nearly dying every time he went into a dungeon with his friends. He decided to do something about it and set to work.

Many months later, he left his tower wearing a yellow and red leather collar. Once he and his friends were well into the Dungeon Of Merciless Death, a hydra attacked them and Barky hit it with a Chain Lightning spell.

But this time, the spell was much more powerful than ever before and pretty much fried the hydra. He then scanned the very large room for treasure and found plenty. His fellow adventurers were gobsmacked by this new found power.

The secret was that Barky had created a collar that would, over time, absorb magical energy from the environment. He could then use the energy to really boost up his spells. Once fully depleted, the collar needs about 12 hours to fully recharge. It takes less time in very high magic areas, more time in areas with low magic.

Over the course of his life, Barkemous Ruff created 5 of these collars for other wizards. Three of them have been lost. Anybody finding one could sell it for a king’s ransom or better.

How I Met Batterduck Crumblybatch

…I may have misheard his name

The Doclopedia #1,433

The Alphabet: B is For… Beans, Magic

Hear ye, hear ye! On this day does the Council of Kings issue the following Proclamation of Law. From this day forward, the conjuration, cultivation, holding, buying, selling or any other activity involving beans of a magical nature, shall be prohibited and become a violation of the law. Those found in contravention of said law shall face a penalty to be not less than a public flogging and 3 years in the prison on Harpy Island.”

“Know ye also that the Counsel of Kings shall be recruiting able bodied folk to aid in the removal of 3 miles of fallen beanstalk and the remains of the 40 meter tall giant. All workers shall be paid at the rate of 7 coppers a day and provided a midday meal. One thousand workers are needed and interested parties may sign up at the Council Offices.”

“So it is written, so shall it be.”

The Doclopedia #1,434

The Alphabet: B is For… Bolyak

Female citizens! Do you desire impregnation? If so, then seek out Bolyak at the Temple of Yurris. Bolyak is strong and powerful! Bolyak has proven himself in combat! Bolyak is pleasing to look upon and has a mighty build.

Do not fear for Bolyak’s prowess in the bedchamber, for he has pleasured many females! Bolyak’s seed is strong, like Bolyak himself! It will have you bearing an offspring soon!

Do not be deceived by males like Porza, whose seed is weak, or Fretad, whose male equipment is small and unpleasing! Seek out Bolyak and become impregnated with a champion!

The Ill Thought Out And Rather Poorly Designed Cantaloupe Cannon

…mistakes were made and alcohol was involved

The Doclopedia #1,431

The Alphabet: A is For… Avenger Ape

Avenger Ape started out as a comic book character on Earth 700-B. A gorilla imbued with super strength, the ability to fly and fire breath, he fought against evil masterminds, mad scientists, aliens and humans who survived the Great Extinction somehow. The comic book was never a huge hit, but did well enough to stay in publication for 6 years. It was at that point that an Avenger Ape movie came out and breathed new life into the franchise

“Avenger Ape Begins” was a surprise hit and the top box office draw of the year. The novelization sold well and a sequel movie was greenlit. The comic got a shot in the arm with better stories and better art. From there, more movies, an animated tv series and spinoff comics appeared. Later, there were original novels and a computer game.



The Doclopedia #1,432

The Alphabet: A is For… Ambrose 1

When MarsCorp formed in 1985, their mission statement was to explore and colonize the red planet. Most people laughed at this, but they stopped laughing when, in 1991, the Ambrose 1 explorer landed on Mars.

Ambrose 1 was made up of three parts: a base unit that would stay in one place and relay information up to the orbiting Betty satellite, a small rover designed to test soil samples, and the camera/atmospheric lab attached to a balloon that would free float around Mars and send picture, video and other info up to Betty.

Ambrose 1 was supposed to have a useful life of one year, but actually functioned for 5 years, long after the larger Ambrose 2 & 3 had landed on Mars. You can find all three parts of Ambrose 1 at the Martian History Museum in Bradbury Dome.

The Rare And Beautiful Blue Spotted Tree Shark Of Potawango Island

…also scary and deadly

The Doclopedia #1,429

New Pets: Rainbow Cats


Let’s be up front on this: Rainbow cats are just ordinary American Shorthair cats with brightly colored fur not normally found in nature. Thanks to genetic science, you can now get cats in shades of blue, red, orange, green, yellow and purple. Don’t want a solid color cat? You’re in luck, because you can get them in tortoise shell and tabby patterns.

Some cat lovers will tell you these cats are mellower than standard American Shorthairs, but that’s just an advertising ploy. What is true is that they are less fertile and have smaller litters than regular cats. There is also some indication that they live a bit longer.

The Doclopedia #1,430

New Pets: Mini-Gorillas

Nobody is sure who developed the mini gorilla, but whoever it was did a good job. These 3 foot tall gorillas are more docile than full sized gorillas and also more intelligent. They are herbivorous, eating a wide variety of vegetables and fruits. They will also eat nuts and berries when available.

Mini gorillas are sweet tempered and enjoy being around humans and other animals. They are easily trained to use a toilet and like taking baths. Being intelligent, they need mental stimulation and physical exercise.

All mini gorillas are sterile and very expensive. Expect to pay at least $50,000.00 for one, AFTER you go through a thorough background check and get a $3,000.00 government permit to own one.

Silly Things You Can Do With Grease

…we don’t judge

The Doclopedia #1,427

New Pets: Giant Guinea Pigs

Thanks to modern genetic manipulation, the common guinea pig has been crossed with it’s much larger cousin, the capybara, to produce an animal mostly resembling a giant guinea pig, weighing in at an average of 30 pounds. Like regular guinea, they are active, docile and can be quite affectionate to their owners. Unlike regular guinea pigs, they do not do very well as single pets. They also enjoy being in the water and will spend hours there. Like both guinea pigs and capybaras (and humans), they do not manufacture vitamin C in their bodies and so need a diet supplemented with it.

Giant guinea pigs do best in groups of at least 3 and require a good bit of room. In most countries, they are on a strict No Breeding list and are sold only after spaying and neutering. They are surprisingly trainable and, like rabbits, can be trained to use a litter box.

Giant guinea pigs come in a wide variety of colors and color combinations. They can be short or long haired. The average lifespan is 8 years.

The Doclopedia #1,428

New Pets: Dog Lizards

Dog lizards are not a cross between dogs and lizards. In fact, they are not actually lizards at all, but a form of small dinosaur that was created using the DNA of a group that had been frozen in Antarctic ice for around 75 million years.

Weighing between 25 and 35 pounds, dog lizards have a size and shape similar to a beagle, though a bit stockier. They have a short thick tail, no external ears and flat herbivore teeth. Most dog lizards are about as intelligent as the average dog, but individuals may be less or more so. They can learn to do tricks and basic commands.

Being herbivores, dog lizards require much the same diet as cattle or sheep. They also need a good mineral block. Dog lizards do not do well in very cold or hot climates. While immune to many diseases, they can get fungal infections in humid climates. They are very hard to breed in most situations.

Dog lizards have an average lifespan of 30 years.

Was the above bit of writing interesting to you? Well then, consider become a Patron of this blog! Besides being one of the cool kids and getting to read fun stuff, you get sweet compiled Doclopedia posts in the popular PDF format, plus other exclusive stuff, like five versions of the same tavern. You can get in on this for as little as one dollar a month, so click the link and check it out.

Note: Some PDFs available only at the $3.00 level.

Support this blog on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DocCross

Appearing For One Night Only: The Dancing Elks!

…and opening act: The Harptones

 

Last of the Dangerous Dames for a while. The next theme will be New Pets.

 

The Doclopedia #1,426

Dangerous Dames: Miss Blue

Name: Unknown
Aliases: Miss Blue
Age: 30?
Hair: Dark Blue Eyes: Sky Blue Skin: Medium Blue
Height: 5′ Weight: 95 lbs
Last Known Sighting: Paris, France
Crimes: Disruption Of The Status Quo, Inciting Wrongful Thought, Slander Against The State, Theft Of State Property, and 27 Other Charges


Summary: The Dangerous Radical known as Miss Blue has been disrupting the smooth and happy operation of the New World Union for the last 12 years. She is one of the notorious Traitors known as the “Montana Mutants”, foul sub-humans that were spawned due to Enemies Of The State wrecking havoc on a Glorious State Science Facility that was doing peaceful agricultural work.

Miss Blue is the leader of the Rainbow Force, so known because each of the Criminal Deviants is a different color. Using their Unnatural & Unholy Powers, powers that are without a doubt gifts from Satan, they have spread across the globe to cause trouble to Good Citizens.

As shown many times on State News 1, Miss Blue has the power of flight and the ability to project Dangerous Illusions into the minds of Innocent Citizens, causing them to have Wrongful Thoughts and forcing them against their will to do Criminal Acts. Rumors that Miss Blue is protected by a “force field” and almost immune to harm is a Blatant Lie. Our Glorious WarriorPolice have brought her close to death several times and will soon…

Do not believe the lies of the State, my friends. I mean only to spread the truth about their crimes so as to help you break free and live your lives as they should be lived. They keep you uneducated, drugged up and hating. The Rainbow Force reveals their lies to you.

Despite what you have heard, the WarriorPolice have never caused me any significant damage and the Rainbow Force has never killed anyone. When WarriorPolice or anyone else is reported dead, it is because they have become Enlightened and either escaped to the Freedom Underground or been killed by the State itself.

Throw off your shackles, good people! The final rebellion against the State will begin soon!

…whereabouts are unknown. It therefore is the Duty of Every Citizen to immediately report any sighting of Miss Blue or any other Vile Mutant Traitor!