…co-starring her arch-nemesis, Rather Red Rita
Sasha Explains It All
Thoughts On Motherhood
As many of you may knows, a bit over a year ago, I decided to make a baby. No, that is not a euphemism for fucking, or even getting pregnant. First off, I hate cutesy euphemisms for anything, and second of all, I’ve been spayed since I was 6 months old. The baby train will not be stopping in my abdomen. Well, not in this life. Next time, who knows?
No, I decided to go into my lab and create a baby using my DNA as well as the DNA of other species. Not wanting my child to be a canine who would be compared to an incomparable bitch like me, I opted to make her mostly a gorilla. But not all gorilla. I added my DNA to upgrade both her hearing and her sense of smell. My DNA also helped move her from herbivore to true omnivore. I added a bit of human DNA (Thank you, Steve Rogers) to give her a more upright way of walking and a larger brain. Finally, I used some homemade DNA to make her fur and eyes bright yellow.
I put the fertilized egg into the incubator and 6 months later, on June 1st, 2018, Cupcake Waterfall Cross was born. She was tiny and beautiful and I cried when I first held her. She was perfect and I was a mother at age 9 ½. My family loves her, but they also wonder if I lost my mind. To be honest, sometimes I wonder, too.
Cupcake was a very good infant. She ate well, slept a lot and was, of course, very healthy. But we non-humans mature much quicker than Homo sapiens do, so infancy lasted about 3 months. After that, I had a full on toddler. Those of you with kids know that the moment that baby starts walking, life get much busier and more exciting. Now imaging that your baby can also climb and can use her feet almost as well as she uses her hands. Being an active and curious baby, Cupcake was soon into everything. All of us were constantly on guard.
At 6 months, Cupcake started to talk and I have to admit, her vocabulary grew even faster than mine did. So did her ability to talk nonstop and to ask a zillion questions a day. It is both a wonderful and tiring thing. She also was there when her little brother was born. She found the baby fascinating and was very gentle with him. That lasted about 3 months.
By 9 months, she was ready for Mixed Pre-School with other NHT kids and human kids. She really likes school. It is a bit sad that she and the other NHT will pull way ahead of their human friends, but that’s how biology goes.
Now, at 1 year old and after a few adjustments in the Genetic Manipulation Chamber, Cupcake is about where a 6 year old would be mentally and physically. A year from now she’ll be a tween and about 6 months after that she will hit puberty, which thankfully will only take about 2-3 months to get through.
Brownie was born on January 29th, 2019. That was Dad’s 65th birthday and I figured a grandson was a hell of a gift.
Brownie is a genetic mix of raccoon, lemur, dog and human. If you think of Rocket Raccoon with a slightly longer snout, a bit larger eyes, slightly longer arms & legs and a longer, fully prehensile tail, but in light and dark blue fur, you’ve got my boy.
Brownie was a bit more active as a baby and, being a boy, able to pee in my face from a longer distance away when I was changing his diapers. It also meant he was a climber much earlier. By 6 weeks old he was climbing all over and I had several more white hairs on my head.
Brownie was talking at 2 months and was aggravating his sister soon thereafter. Hardly a day goes by without him getting chased around by Cupcake, who threatens him with all manner of mayhem. As with most brothers, he learned quickly how to push his sister’s buttons.
Being a smaller NHT, Brownie will mature even faster than his sister. By his second birthday, he’ll be a full on teenager. I’ll be 12 years old by then and probably a heavy drinker.
Despite my humor, my kids are pretty normal and good children. They were made to be smart, caring and unique. I love them more than anything or anyone else in the world. Given another chance, would I have jumped into motherhood sooner? Oh, hell yes. Probably around 5 or 6 years old. Would I have taken a mate so they had a father? Nope. No need to, when they have wonderful uncles and a singular grandfather.
One last thing, a question that I have been asked more than once: What about the fact that I, realistically, have probably only 4-7 years left to live?
Well, the kids will be adults and on their own in 3 years or so, so I’ll be about 14 ½ then. It won’t be like if I go tits up then, they’ll be children. They will be able to deal with it.
But, of course, when this body dies, it won’t be the last of me. Hell, right now I’m out there as a human female and another breed of dog, having put my katra into both those bodies 4 years ago. When this iteration of me dies, another iteration will wake up a few minutes later in a secure lab somewhere. The new me, who may or may not be a basset hound or even a dog, will go visit the kids/grandkids/siblings, etc. and then start a new life. Death is for people who don’t plan ahead.
Anyway, having kids is the Best Thing I’ve ever done and I wouldn’t change a thing that’s happened since Cupcake was born.
I could stand to hear less of the word “Poophead” though.
Until my next rant,
Dr. Sasha Jane Cross, PhD (X8)
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