Wicked Hamsters Belittled My Emu

…so he ate the little fuckers

CritterCon 12


Trip Day Eight (Con Day 3): In Which The Great And Powerful Cupcake Rides A Dragon, Old Time Radio Is Done, Cars Go To War, And Pubs Are Crawled

The day started with breakfast in bed for everyone, once again courtesy of Mr. & Mrs. Bunnington, or whatever their names are now. It was relaxing and delicious.

After brekky and performing our ablutions, we all scattered to the four winds and gaming goodness. My personal destination, along with the female grandchild, was a game of D&D 5e on the “Girls Rule!” track. I had been tapped to run the game the night before when the original DM had to leave the con for an appendectomy. She is okay now, but not nearly up to riding heard on 8 little girls between the physical/mental ages of 7 to 9.

The cast of characters, all of whom used their real first names “because it’s easier that way”, was…

Heather, a wood elf ranger
Cupcake, a human wizard
Taffy, a dwarf fighter
Kinita, a human fighter

Anna, a halfling cleric
Sookie, a wood elf sorceror
Melli, a halfling rogue
Zoe, a dwarf fighter

I’ll note that Cupcake, Taffy, Sookie and Zoe are NHT (gorilla, cat, dog & dog).

The plot was that an evil king and his evil army were getting ready to ride forth and conquer the good kingdoms. Our Heroines, the Sisters of Adventure, had to find magic items and such to hopefully stop them. The problem was that the dungeon they needed to explore was very, VERY near Dragon Mountain, home of several easily upset dragons.

Insert here many thrilling scenes in the dungeon, during which powerful items were found, monsters were slain and traps were narrowly avoided. By the time they exited the dungeon, 3.5 hours of the 4 hour game were over and I really had to pee. I told the girls to plan their attack on the evil king while I was gone.

When I came back, they had their plan and it was a doozy. They had decided to enlist the help of the dragons by offering to use the Ring Of One Wish they had found to set up a heavily protective magic wall around Dragon Mountain that would only let dragons, animals and “nice true friends of dragons” in and out. I had Anna, the cleric and designated diplomat, make a Persuasion roll and she rolled a natural 20. The dragons were all for it!

And so, on the backs of 8 dragons, with 6 more following, they flew out to meet the evil army, who quite naturally decided that maybe the peaceful life was pretty good after all. The evil king tried to use a magical staff against one dragon, but failed his roll and got eaten in a single gulp, prompting Cupcake to give this little speech.

“Listen up, you dummies! I am the Great and Powerful Cupcake and these are my homegirls and our dragon friends. If you try any more war stuff, we will come back here and kick your asses and let the dragons eat you! So be good, or else!”

The other girls cheered and I declared the adventure over and a great success. I got 8 hugs and, as the merry band of young Amazons left the room, Cupcake told them “That’s my grandpa! He’s pretty great.”

After the game, I was on a panel called “D&D Over The Years”. 75% of the audience was younger than the bandana I was wearing (25 years) and they were amazed that D&D had been around so long. By about the 15 minute mark, everyone on the panel felt like some sort of Olde Game Reenactor, or maybe a museum exhibit. Still, it went very well.

I had enough time to grab a 48 ounce Matcha Green Tea smoothie at Juicy Lucy’s Sexy Smoothies, then haul ass over to the radio station in time to scarf down 2 donuts before doing my part in our programs for Olde Time Radio Day. Our first half hour show was an original episode of “The Shadow”, in which I played the title role. Our second show was an original episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar”, in which I played George Walsh, an attorney. Both shows went off without a hitch and we all had fun.
It now being 3:00, I hiked on over to join Brian, Mark, Misty and Lettie in a huge Car Wars event. It was an offroad race that started in a desert and then went up into some wooded hills. The terrain did just about as much damage as our weapons did, including tearing off the passenger door of my car when I sideswiped a tree.

In the end, a guy named Hank took first place, Misty took second and a lady named Olivia took 3rd. The rest of us either died or were too messed up to continue.

It was now after 5 and I headed back to the hotel to get ready for dinner. I was slowed up a few times by short conversations and once to watch a game of Steam Tank Battle!, a game that looked pretty cool. So yeah, I got back to our suite at 5:45, washed up, changed clothes and Grace and I headed out to meet everyone at Big Slabs O’ Meat.

Although a few of our party (Luke, the kids, Goldie, Leon, Miranda) were otherwise engaged, we all dined well on beef, pork and lamb with assorted fixings. We chatted while we ate and then finished up with dessert, in my case, bread pudding.

After leaving the restaurant, we all set out on a con sponsored pub crawl. The idea was to start at one end of Pub Row, play a game while having a drink, then move on to the next pub. And so we are doing just that.

There are 12 pubs, taverns, saloons and such on Pub Row. It’s 10:00 pm and we have just left #4, “Beer, Y’all!”. This could wind up being a long night.

More reportage in the morning.


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