A New Kind Of Crazy

…the old kind is out of stock
The Doclopedia #1,686

New Spells: Una’s Tasty Pie


First Circle Wizards often find that their selection of spells is a choice between detecting things, getting protected from harm, and attacking others. This spell offers the lowest rated Wizards a chance to do something else.

Una’s Tasty Pie will create one 12 inch piping hot pie of the caster’s choice. Sweet or savory, it doesn’t matter. The pie will, after cooling for 3 minutes, slice itself into 6 equal slices. Not only is the pie delicious and filling, it will heal minor wounds and provide the same sustenance as a decent meal.

This spell takes 1 minute to cast.




The Doclopedia #1,687

New Spells: Warp Door


When a Wizard reaches the Ninth Circle, the spell choices grow fewer, but vastly more powerful. A case in point is the Warp Door spell. Simply put, it opens a doorway through space that allows you to step through it and come out no less than 1,000 miles away.

The caster must know where he wants to go, but it need not be too exact. Saying “the main trade route to Kaviristan, 2 miles outside the city of Hrit” is good enough, as is “The north portion of the beach on the Kaviristan coast”.

This spell takes 3 minutes to cast and opens a portal 10 feet across. The portal stays open for 90 seconds. Once through the portal, the caster will be weak and dizzy for up to 30 minutes.

Chili On a Waffle

might be tasty

The Doclopedia #1,683

New Spells: Musinia’s Rain Of Madness


A dangerous spell to cast, this Sixth Circle spell causes a cloud to appear over an area roughly 60 feet across, at an altitude of 100 feet. A light rain begins to fall and all sapient creatures touched by it are driven quite mad.

The madness could be based in fear, anger, hatred, lust or any other emotion. Those afflicted will act upon their madness without hesitation and with great energy. The sight of such mass madness is terrible to behold, so the caster and any companions are advised to leave the area fast.

The spell can be cast from up to 120 feet away and takes 3 minutes for the rain to start falling. The madness lasts around 15 minutes.



The Doclopedia #1,684

New Spells: Windball


This Third Circle spell functions exactly as the Fireball spell, but instead unleashed a 90 mile an hour wind from a central point. Such a sudden wind will knock down everything from people to lightly loaded wagons to medium sided trees. Small items will be blown up to 100 yards away.

The spell range is line of sight up to 500 feet. The wind lasts for 10 seconds.



The Doclopedia #1,685

New Spells: Dalnor’s Dog


Sometimes, you need a dog, but don’t have one handy. This Second Circle spell will allow you to create a dog from whatever material you have at hand. In a cold area, this might be snow or ice, while in the desert, it might be sand or rock. Whatever the case, the completed dog will function for 6 hours and behave exactly like a superbly trained real dog.

The caster can create any breed or size of dog he can think of, provided there is enough material. The dog will then carry out his commands. The dog need not be fed and will not sleep or require rest. Should the dog be needed for more than 6 hours, simply recast the spell before the first 6 hours are up.

The Cranberry Fairies Hate The Gravy Elves

…war is coming on Turkey Day

The Doclopedia #1,681

New Spells: The Hex Of Persistent Illusion


Upon reaching the Fifth Circle, wizards can cast a particularly nasty spell, the Hex of Persistent Illusion. A long lasting spell, it will haunt the target for a full month.

Simply put, the spell will cause the target to see, hear or smell, one thing that the caster desires. The illusion will then appear at random intervals from a few minutes to a few hours apart. The mental effects on the target will vary, but by the end of the month, nobody affected by this spell is totally in their right mind.

Some examples of illusions cast using this spell.

The smell of rotting flesh.

The image of a tiny dancing man.
Sounds of thunder in the distance.
A child’s laughter.
A woman dressed in black, he face covered by a veil.
A small dog with an almost human face.
Screams of terror.

The smell of wood smoke.
The smell of acid.
Three small balls of green light, revolving around one another.

The roar of 1,000 charging trolls

A humanoid shape made only of darkness

This spell will work on any sapient being not immune to illusions. Dispel Illusion will only stop it if cast three times within an hour.



The Doclopedia #1,682

New Spells: Elasticity

Also known as “Instant Escape” and “Human Slingshot”, this Third Circle spell allows one to turn their body into a very elastic state. Limbs can stretch up to 30 feet, the entire body can become paper thin or assume a string-like form, the person can fall great distances and bounce, and crushing type damage is just not done. In fact, piercing damage and cutting damage are both greatly reduced, too. Spells, cold, fire and other forms of damage still work as normal.

This spell lasts 10 minutes and can only be cast upon oneself.


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Doc Tempest And The Man Of Iron

…from the June, 1972 issue

The Doclopedia #1,679
New Spells: Ool’s Fearsome Diversion


For wizards of the Fourth Circle or above, this spell can allow for escapes, attacks, or as the name implies, diversions of your target’s attention.

When cast, this spell will create a single large creature of the caster’s choosing to appear wherever the caster desires, within a range of 90 feet. It must be a creature the caster has actually seen at some time. No mere illusion, this creature can deal a moderate amount of damage if it attacks. Said attack will, of course, be appropriate for the type of creature chosen.

The sudden appearance in their midst will cause most beings to panic, or at least be greatly surprised. Either way, the diversion, which lasts only 30 seconds, will allow for escape, attack, or whatever else needs to be done by the caster.




The Doclopedia #1,680

New Spells: The Mystic Mist Of Dreamwalking

There may come a time when a wizard needs to learn something of a person without asking a lot of questions or using a truth spell. Going into the dreams of another person, while risky, can yield valuable information. Best of all, the wizard themselves need not be the dreamwalker anyone can have the spell cast upon them.

Upon casting, the target person falls asleep and their spirit leaves their body as a light blue mist. This mist can then travel up to a mile away to enter the mind of a sleeping being. Once in their dreams, the dreamwalker can create dreams of their choice, the better to learn about the subject. The degree of control over dream creation and adjusting id based upon the dreamwalker’s intelligence, so it is recommended that the spell not be cast upon fighters, barbarians or others of lesser intellect.

It cannot be overstated that going into dreams is a dicey thing to do. Dreams can be very strange and a dreamwalker can become confused and lose track of their mission. In extreme incidents, they might acquire phobias or mannerisms similar to the target person.

This spell lasts for up to two hours, but will be broken if either the target or the dreamwalker are awakened.

Catgirl Yami And The Devil Boy Twins

…she’ll turn them good


The Doclopedia #1,676

Dog & Cats Living Together: Natasha & Boris

The Dog: Natasha, a pit mix

The Cat: Boris, a mixed breed shorthair

The Living Situation: Natasha & Boris have no actual home, because they are spies for the Non-Human Terran Alliance. They routinely travel around the Austin, Texas area, where they keep tabs on tech firms and government offices. At most of these places, people are glad to see them come around and often feed them and pet them. At other places, they might get Animal Control called on them, but since both of them are human genius level smart, they always escape.

Natasha & Boris are doing vital work in letting the NHTA know what humans are up to, but they stress that their jobs would be way harder without the many NHT that aid them and the help of dozens of human renfields.




The Doclopedia #1,678

Dog & Cats Living Together: Annie & Bess

The Dog: Annie, a basset hound

The Cat: Bess, a Russian Blue

The Living Situation: Annie & Bess are two middle aged critters living on the Happy Sunshine Organic Farm with their humans, Fred and Callie. There are also three kids, Venus, Sam and Olivia.

Annie & Bess have it pretty good. They eat and sleep and hang out most every day, then play with the kids when they get home from school. The often follow Fred and Callie around the farm, which is entertaining because after 3 years, the two humans are still learning all about farming.

For fun, Annie & Bess will sometimes chase the chickens or sheep, but they’ve learned that other farm animals either ignore them (cows, pigs) or get mean (geese, goats, turkeys). At other times, while Bess goes off hunting for mice in the barn, Annie will go have a good roll in whatever poop smells best today.



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Bucky & Squint Are Done Screwing Around!

…and then they both walked into a glass door


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The Doclopedia #1,674

Dog & Cats Living Together: Jake & Frankie

The Dog: Jake, a poodle/terrier mix

The Cat: Frankie, an orange tabby

The Living Situation: Jake & Frankie live in Oakland, California, with Je’Rome, a more or less starving artist. J-Rom, as he signs his art, is a good guy, but he needs help with the day to day part of being an adult.

Fortunately, Jake & Frankie do what they can to help him. Jake routinely hides money that he takes from J-Rom’s nightstand. On bill paying day, the human just happens to find $40.00 in his jeans pocket.

Frankie knows that his human waits too long to wash the laundry, so once a week, he pees on the big pile of dirty clothes and J-Rom has no choice but to wash it.

They have recently started helping with his art. It seems that a big painting with dog and cat pawprints on it fetched double the normal price.




The Doclopedia #1,675

Dog & Cats Living Together: Wilson & Lois

The Dog: Wilson, a beagle

The Cat: Lois, a Siamese

The Living Situation: These two live in a middle class suburb of Boston. Their owners are Harry & Betty, two 60 year old empty nesters. The two humans lead a pretty ordinary life, both working 9 to 5 jobs.

Wilson and Lois, however, lead a fast paced and often paranoid existence helping suburban animals escape dangerous situations. They help dogs, cats, rabbits, rodents, birds and a wide assortment of wild animals who are looking to leave the suburbs and run free or maybe find better humans.

Very often, these creatures have to spend a day or two in the house or yard. Wilson and Lois run themselves ragged trying to keep Betty and Harry from seeing the unannounced guests. Fortunately, the humans are often tired or just vegging out watching tv. Lois once escorted a family of opossums right through the living room while the humans were sleeping in their recliners.

Harry often wonders why the dog & cat are “so goddamn jumpy all the time”.

Insolent Centipedes Harassed My Sowbug

…the nerve!


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The Doclopedia #1,672

Random Character Creation (Horror): What Do You Know?

1: Clowns are chasing me

2: Werewolves are real


4: Professor Venton was right!

5: Aliens walk among us

6: The undead shall rise

7: The Old Gods are returning

8: The President is a ghoul

9: Count Renfield is really a vampire

10: There are ghosts in the library

11: Cats are plotting against us

12: Professor Yevnetski must be stopped

13: There are…things…down in the sewer

14: Loki has returned!

15: I hear voices in the walls

16: The Unholiest Church is back

17: A plant is infesting Chicago

18: The Volcano Goddess awakens

19: I found the Tomb of Fu Manchu

20: There are dark cults out in Kansas




The Doclopedia #1,673

Random Character Creation (Horror): What’s Your Problem?

1: alcohol

2: a bum left leg

3: nightmares

4: I’m cursed

5: overweight

6: very poor vision

7: paranoid

8: deaf in right ear

9: acrophobia

10: dope

11: lycanthopy

12: speech impediment

13: OCD

14: Not 100% alive

15: ophidophobia

16: terminal disease

17: missing right arm below elbow

18: severe allergies

19: only half human

20: ailurophobia


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