…they fight WITH fire!
The Doclopedia #1,642
Recipes For The Devout Worshiper: Pocket Pie For The Traveling Redemption Seeker
What You Will Require
4 female virgins, tastefully dressed, between the ages of 16 & 21
1 pound of Certified Sin Free Wheat Flour
2 quarts of water gathered by the virgins from the Spring of Veth
2 tablespoons of salt
½ pound of Gim Butter, churned late at night under the supervision of two 5th Order Priests of Hakandru. Improper churning technique may result in punishment via a Soul Saving Buggering.
3 ripe Deeshta Fruits
4 ounces of honey made by the Giant Bees of Motis.
A dash of the Forbidden Spice, which will require you to then remain celibate for 9 days.
While the virgins mix the dough, all the while singing the 19 Songs of Purity, you must peel, seed and chop up the Deeshta Fruit.
When you are done chopping the fruit, go flagellate yourself for 10 minutes while begging Yornuk, Hakandru and Qoul to forgive your impure thoughts.
Now, roll out the dough to 1/8th inch thickness.
Next, using a Thrice Blessed Pocket Pie Cutter, cut out 6 pie doughs.
Mix the fruit with the honey and then add the spice.
Have the virgins light the over using a Rizz Candle.
Put equal portions of the fruit filling on the dough discs.
STEP AWAY NOW, SINNER!
Have the virgins fold and crimp the dough, then place the pies in the oven until golden brown.
Once the pies are cooled, you may leave on your pilgrimage in search of redemption. EAT NO MORE THAN ONE PIE A DAY OR BE TAINTED WITH SIN!
The Doclopedia #1,643
Recipes For The Devout Worshiper: Blessed Drink Of Insight
What You Will Require
An Eska Goat in full milk.
A blue glass bottle, washed in the River Carroon.
A Golden Milk Pail.
2 ounces of Junandra Juice, squeezed by a child.
1 ounce Common Sugar
While reciting the 7 Insights of the Golden Era, milk the goat.
Pour the Junandra Juice into the bottle.
Add the sugar AS IF YOUR FILTHY SOUL DEPENDED ON IT!
Pour in the milk until the bottle is almost full.
Seal the bottle and then recite the Prayer of Bokol twice.
Go to your Home Shrine and place the bottle upon it.
Begin praying and do not stop for anything for at least 2 hours.
Once a full day has passed, gather your slaves and begin the Dance of Calling For Divine Favor. Keep dancing for an hour.
Go and cleanse your body.
Don your Amtun Robes.
Drink the Blessed Drink and begin praying for whatever insight you require.