Orangutans Who Drive Sports Cars Cannot Be Trusted

…I mean, how could they afford it?

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,065

Ask Me About My…: Tooning Fork

Simply put, a tooning fork turns an ordinary thing, living or not, into a toonis version of itself. Personally, I think it’s funny as hell, but certain people in my family with whom I sleep and took a marriage vow, do not. For that reason, it stays locked in a drawer on the Bus.

By the way, I got the tooning fork from Daffy Duck over on ToonEarth 981-Z. It cost me 20 bucks.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,066

Ask Me About My…: Dangerous Childhood Stunts

Oh, let’s just list a few, shall we?

Rode down a hill on an ancient hay wagon that self destructed.


Rolled down the very same hill inside a big truck tire with two of my friends. I have never since been as dizzy or sick to my stomach.

Rode various crappy old bikes on dangerous pothole filled roads, often downhill at great speed.

Climbed up rocky outcroppings in an area that was thick with rattlesnakes.

Launched a friend around 200 feet into the air in a giant kite.

Attempted to build a submarine in a large pond. Fortunately, we never finished it.

Rode a zipline that started on one side of our house at about 50 feet high, went all the wau over the house, across our driveway and big front yard and ended about 5 feet off the ground under an oak tree. MY DAD & UNCLE BUILT IT FOR US KIDS! They also took it down quickly after my aunt & mom came home from town and saw a kid fly over the driveway they had just driven into.

I Was A Cornfield Scarecrow For The FBI

…so fuck you, crows!

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,063

Ask Me About My…: Favorite Chronological Anomaly

Since we are talking about an anomaly in historical chronology, not a spacio-temporal anomaly, my favorite is probably is the one on Earth 2-D where radio was discovered in 1875 instead of 1886 and Marconi building the first transmitters and recievers at age 15 in 1889 instead of 1895 at age 21.

AM Radio broadcasting started in 1900, not 1920, and it changed the world in more ways than it did here. Broadcasts from the frontlines of WWI, along with radio communication between the troops and command, made the war deadlier but also shortened it. Radio broadcasts also caused Theodore Roosevelt to not only become more popular and get more done, it got him another term as president, from 1909 to 1913.

Every discovery and invention based off radio got a 5 to 10 year advance. As a result, Earth 2-D has a somewhat different timeline from us.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,064

Ask Me About My…: Mutated Spleen

Back in 2014, I got exposed to some powerful mutagenic chemicals in Sasha’s laboratory, then got hit with Q radiation. Within minutes, my spleen began to show signs of mutation, so I jumped into a Med Unit and had it removed. It continued to live and mutate, eventually looking something like a cross between a skinless pig with tentacles and a platter of raw liver. We decided to call it Porky.

Porky is still around, six years later. He’s about as intelligent as a regular dog. Most of the time, you can find him in the greenhouse, where he keeps the mouse population down by eating them.

Battle Of The Bandanas

…a neverending war

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,061

Recipes For The Devout Worshiper: The Holy Breakfast Of Redemption For Self-Abusers

What You Will Require

Half a pound of falgonberries, picked by a virgin no later that 6 hours ago.

The milk from a Sacred Goat of Plont, chilled.

A small plain cake that you must bake yourself, you filthy lust filled sinner!

Preparation

While a Priest of Plont recites your confessions as a self abuser, you must put the berries on the cake, then pour the milk over it all.

As you eat the breakfast, a series of beautiful young people of both sexes will sing the Forbidden Song to you, filling your loins with lust, YOU MUST RESIST AND EAT FASTER!

When you are done, you must bathe in rooz urine, then recite the Prayer of Pure Thoughts for 1 hour.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,062

Recipes For The Devout Worshiper: The Healthful Snack For Experienced Exorcists

What You Will Require

A mountain grown Isk carrot

A large glass of pure water from Mount Laha


Preparation

Wash the carrot…eat it…drink the water

Proceed to your next exorcism.

Ollie, The Pink Platypus Of Joy

…everyone loves Ollie

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,059

Recipes For The Devout Worshiper: The Glorious And Most Holy Stew

What You Will Require

1 pound of kwug meat, taken from the hindquarters by a 3rd tier priest in accordance with the Holy Text.

1 pound of yimmalo meat, with fat and blessed by a Sister of Eternal Hope

Assorted vegetables, but NOT diltengs, croots or axonurs, you vile sinner!

The 9 Herbs of Redemption, gathered by virgin slaves under the light of ONLY the yellow moon.

Half a lemon

Flour provided to you after a generous gift to the millermonks of Neer.

Oil of T’loom

Preparation

Pour one ounce of the Oil into a large iron pan that has been cleansed and blessed by your local High Priestess. Heat it to a high temprature while reciting “The Foregiveness of Ud”.

Toss the meat in some of the flour while avoiding IMPURE THOUGHTS! Then place the meat in the pan and brown it.

Chop the vegetables up into pleasing sizes, then have your slaves dump them into the pan with the meat. Cook for 6 minutes.

After performing the Ritual of Guidance while Cooking put the meat and vegetables into a large pot. Cover with 3 quarts of Holy Water of Arguub.

Next, take a cheese grater and rub it on your buttocks, then cut the lemon in half, squeeze out the juice and pour it on yout now raw buttocks. You know you deserve this pain, you receptacle of uncleanliness!

When your buttocks no longer hurt (about 2 hours), your stew is ready to eat.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,060

Recipes For The Devout Worshiper: The Accepted Dinner For Those Attempting To Fend Off Sinful Thoughts

What You Will Require

16 unsalted crackers made from desert potatos and water

1 small filet of sandfish, boiled. Recite the Five Verses of Rejecting Lust as it boils.

4 ounces of Twung cheese of the most common sort. Have one of your slaves purchase it, then cast them into the wilderness for 3 days.

One 12 ounce glass of water.


Preparation

Have your slaves lay out this meal on your most unadorned plate. Eat everything, chewing each bite 30 times. Drink water as needed. As you eat, your slaves should recite the Prayer Against Sin in loud voices while a person you lust after sits across from you. When you begin to have sinful thoughts, strike your Naughty Area with your fist.

The Art And Science Of Surviving Dog Farts

…Step 1: buy a really good gas mask

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,057

New Breeds Of Dog: Skunk Dog

You might think that if somebody was going to create a breed of pet that looked like a skunk, they would use cats to do it. You’d be wrong.

The Skunk Dog was created using several breeds of toy and miniature dog. The result is a small dog who looks very much like a skunk until you get pretty close. They evenhave the waddling gait of a skunk.

These little dogs are very friendly and loving. They are also quite healthy overall. They do not smell anything like a skunk.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,058

New Breeds Of Cat: Canary Cat

Canary Cats are not yellow, although they are a pale shade of orange. They can’t fly, either. But what they can do is make a sort of melodic trilling purr that sounds very much like a canary singing. They do it when they are contented or sometimes when they are bored. With treat reinforcement, they learn to do it on command.

These cats are very roly poly in shape, but not actually fat. They have longer than average ears and big round eyes. Half of them are born with bob tails.

Bug School

…for smarter bugs

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,055

New Breeds Of Dog: Weredog

This very rare breed is not nearly as scary as the name implies, because when they undergo their change during the full moon, they just change into another breed of dog.

Nobody is sure where the first weredog came from, but we do know it was a type of hound that changed into a type of spaniel when the full moon rose. By all accounts, she was a very gentle dog in both forms.

Some of the weredogs known today, with their other form are…

Mastiff/Irish Wolfhound
Beagle/Schnauzer
Chihuahua/Maltese
Doberman/Black & Tan Coonhound

The rumor that some weredog transform into cats is 100% false.

Finally, there is no evidence that getting bitten by a weredog will pass the “curse” on to you or another dog.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,056

New Breeds Of Cat: Long Legged Cat

These cats have legs 50% longer than other cats. They are almost always shorthairs and almost always brown.

Due to their longer legs, these cats can run very fast and leap very high, often at the same time. While they are usually good tempered cats, they are quite active and can wreak havoc in a house or apartment. They seem to enjoy getting dogs to chase them.

If you are thinking of adoption a Long Legged Cat, be aware that they require plenty of exercise,

The California Kid Sells A Vanload Of Hot Cameras

…700 of them, to be exact.

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,053

New Breeds Of Dog: Dragon Dog

This breed looks like a dalmation, but green with yellow-green spots. The tail is 50% longer than normal and semi-prehensile. The ears are upright and very pointed.

As the name implies, these dogs can breath fire when angered, in danger or protecting their pack. Fortunately, they are intelligent dogs who do not use this power lightly. Still, most landlords will not rent to Dragon Dog owners.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,054

New Breeds Of Cat: Minicat

If it were easier to breed, this cat would be the hands down most popular breed in the world. Half the size of an ordinary cat, the Minicat looks like a kitten all of it’s life. They are playful, friendly and figure out the litterbox quickly. They come in solid and bicolor coats. They are shorthairs.

The big problem with Minicats is that the females only have one litter of 1 to 3 kittens per year, with about half of kittens growing into normal sized adult cats. Breeders are adressing this problem, but for now, a Minicat will cost you at least $5,000.

A Few Words About Ducklings

…they’re fuzzy and cute!

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,051

New Breeds Of Dog: Brazilian Tree Terrier

This fearless little dog was first bred in Brazil to climb up fruit trees and scare off birds and monkeys. They have been known to actually kill both of those creatures when they can catch them.

In form, the Tree Terrier looks like a smaller and lighter Norfolk Terrier with a light gray to light red coat. Their claws are strong and sharp to aid them in running up trees and clinging to branches. To get down from the tree, they leap from branch to branch, then finally sort of run/fall/leap down the trunk.
.

.

The Doclopedia #2,052

New Breeds Of Cat: Longhaired Ghost Cat

With it’s very pale and flowing hair, bright yellow eyes and soft spoken way, this cat does indeed look ghostly. However, it adds to it’s name by being able to walk through walls a couple of times a day.

Weighing in at around 11 pounds, these beauties make excellent companions and are very good with other pets and small children. They have very few health problems. Of course, since they can walk through walls, you will never go to the bathroom alone again.

The True Story Of How I Helped A Newlywed Couple Run Off And Become Liberal Democrats

…their families were not amused

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,049

New Breeds Of Dog: Psychic Bassadoodle

As the name implies, these dogs are half basset hound, half poodle and possess psychic powers.

In overall looks, these dogs have slightly lighter bodies with longer legs than an ordinary basset. Aside from that, and the longer softer and curly coat, they look very much like a basset. Their coats can be any color from white to black to bicolor and tricolor. They are smart dogs, but very laid back and friendly.

Their psychic power means that they will know things are going to happen a few minutes before they actually do. Bath day? Your Bassadoodle may go into hiding before you even mention it. A day at the dog park? They may be waiting by the door 10 minutes before you are ready. Is the dog barking at the door for no reason? Somebody is going to knock in a few minutes.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,050

New Breeds Of Cat: French Water Cat

Yes, folks, like their distant cousin the tiger, these cats love the water. Frenchie’s will swim in almost anything, so keep your aquarium and toilets covered. You should also expect then to join you in the tub or shower if the water is not too hot.

This is a medium sized breed with large webbed feet. Their short coat is very waterproof thanks to the oils their skin produces. They come in black, brown and gray. When not swimming or messing around in water, they are relaxed and rather lazy.

If you adopt a French Water Cat, you should buy at lease a small child’s wading pool. If you also happen to have a Labrador Retriever, get a bigger pool because the cat and dog will soon be swimming buddies.

The Ten Things You Must Not Do To Pixies

…#1: Don’t call them elves

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,047

New Breeds Of Dog: Giant Corgi

Not actually a humongous giant, this is just a much larger form of the Pembroke Welsh Corgi (the one without a tail). They weigh in at around 70 pounds and are about 18 inches tall at the shoulders. In all other respects, they are exactly like their smaller cousins.

Like all Corgis, the giant version is a herding dog, and because of it’s larger size, it is often used to herd cattle, bison and sometimes hippopotami. They have also been trained to herd small children, a much more difficult task.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,048

New Breeds Of Cat: Sunset Cat

These cats, a mix of several breeds including the Abyssinian, Somali, Tabby and Anerican Shorthair, get their name from their spectacular mixing of yellow, orange and red fur. They so indeed look like a sunset.

A medium coated cat, they are average in size, but extremely intelligent. When left alone, they have been known to order treats and toys from Amazon, so make sure your credit cards are safe.

The Sunset tends to be a one person cat and can be quite standoffish if you are not that person. On the other hand, they seem to really like dogs and small children. They do not tend to like other cats.

A Song…A Dance…Some Cheese Whiz In Your Pants

…sharp cheddar flavor

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,045

Strange Bandanas: The American Flag One

.

I have several bandanas with stars & stripes on them. This one looks pretty much just like the flag, but square. I got it in 1980 at a thrift store in Seattle. I think it cost me 75 cents.

I don’t wear it very often, because when I do, the damned thing transports me to some random place in the 13 colonies in 1776. Half the time I end up way the hell out in the boonies. When I do reach a town or village, people freak the hell out and my money is no good, so I take off the bandana and I pop back to just after I left. It’s a pain in the ass.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,046

Strange Bandanas: The Neon Rainbow One

.

You know, I have no idea where or when I got this bandana. I’m thinking early 1980s, maybe in the Bay Area.

The only power this bandana confers upon me is that while wearing it, I can disco dance like nobody’s business. I mean, I can blow everyone else off the dance floor.

There are just two problems. 1: I’m old and fat and all that dancing puts me flat on my back in bed full of pain pills for days. 2: I fucking hate disco music.

It is a darned fine looking bandana, though.

Jumpy Cats & Barky Dogs

…pretty sure the former is due to the latter.

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,043

Strange Bandanas: The Dollar Bill One

My late mother gave me several bandanas over the years, but only this one has paid for itself many times over the years. It’s a black bandana with dollar bills printed on it. Every year on my birthday I put it on and a crisp new $1.00 bill appears in my pants pocket. Over the years, that adds up to 33 bucks. Not a huge amount, but who am I to sneer at a free dollar?

Thanks, Mom!

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,044

Strange Bandanas: The White & Green One

This bandana started out as an ordinary white bandana that I bought for a buck. I bought it specifically for tie dying, which I did using a bright green dye. It turned out very well indeed and I ran it through the clothes drier, then rolled it, tied it and put it on my head.

It was not until nearly 2 years later that I realized that the tie dyed pattern changes over time. You can’t see it happening if you sit and watch it, but if you check it out a couple of times a day over the course of a week, you’ll see it happen.

What To Do If Your Pie Begins To Levitate

…might we suggest running?

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,041

Strange Bandanas: The Blue Chile Pepper One

.

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

I have at least 10 bandanas with chili peppers on them. I bought most of them at a local flea market back in the early 1990s. But this one I found in an old stone house in the Mexican state of Campeche back in 1920. Or maybe it found me, I’m not sure.


Simply put, this bandana is haunted by the spirit of a Genuine British Loony named Basil. He’s never mentioned his last name. Generally speaking, he talks about one goofy ass thing after another and I tend to tune him out. I mean, I don’t give a rat’s ass about the insect collection he had when he was a boy, or why a given cricket team was so bad or that dinner he had in Chelsea back in 1887.

Over the years, I have learned that he went to Mexico in 1908 to seek his fortune, moved into the stone house and died a year later of fever. Or maybe stupidity, I don’t know. Anyway, I seldom wear the bandana because he’s an annoying twit.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,042

Strange Bandanas: The Harley-Davidson One

.

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

Of the 14 Harley-Davidson bandanas I own, the one with the big eagle in the center is my favorite. I have no idea where or when I got it.

In most ways, this bandana is pretty normal, except that when I wear it I seem to intimidate people. Not greatly, but noticeably. Nobody gives me much crap and everyone calls me “Sir”. Unfortunately, it has the side effect of making every cop who sees me start keeping an eye on me, something I have spent several decades avoiding. As a result, I don’t wear it in most places where officers of the law might be found.

The TRUTH!

…which, of course, you can’t handle

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,039

Strange Bandanas: The Orange Jose Cuervo One

.

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

No, this bandana confers no tequila related powers to me, nor does it improve my ability to speak spanish. What it dies do is keep me warm in temperatures as low as 40 degrees, Farenheit. Pretty useful, I think you’ll agree, although the effect is only good for about an hour, then the bandana needs to recharge for about 4 hours.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,040

Strange Bandanas: The Solid Yellow One

.

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

I got this bandana in 1981 from a street vendor in Vladivostok after I had helped her son hide from a KGB agent and a trained attack goat. (long story)

This bandana is friendly enough, but only speaks Russian. I have taught it a few words in English, but it’s accent is very thick. It is not a big fan of me wearing it, but will tolerate things for a few hours. It has no really special powers, but it can sing Russian folk songs in a fine baritone. It enjoys a shot of vodka now and again, too.

My Dragon Romance

…it was hot

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,037
Strange Bandanas: The Dark Brown One

.

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one

I bought this bandana at a thrift store in Walla Walla, Washington, in 2009. It cost me 75 cents. I soon found out that if I wore it, I would smell like chocolate to any woman who was out of puberty. They seemed to find it arousing.

Being a happily married and faithful man, I put the bandana away and now only wear it around my wife.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,038

Strange Bandanas: The Green Skulls One

.

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

This black bandana has neon green skulls on it. They look like they should glow in the dark, but they don’t. I got it in the mail back in 1990. There was no return address.

Around 1993, I happened to be wearing it as I walked past a remote 200 year old cemetary in rural New Jersey. (long story) It was just after midnight and as I walked along, ghosts began talking to me. Pretty soon, I had about 50 of them crowded around me asking me all sorts of questions.

You might think chatting with the dead would be frightening or maybe interesting, but actually, it was pretty boring. Mostly, they wanted to know about the folks they had left behind. Of course, I could not answer their questions, since I was not around 150 years ago to know who they were talking about. Most of them sadly drifted back to their graves, although one old woman did ask me to kick her husband in the balls if I ever met his ghost.

The Beginners Guide To Freestyle Flooning

…fully illustrated

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,035

Strange Bandanas: The Orange & Pink One

.

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

My orange and pink tie dyed bandana is as sweet tempered and lovable as any bandana you will ever meet. It is stylish, yet simple, and it would never cause harm.

Unless you try to serve me liver in any form. At that point, it will go on the attack, knocking the food to the floor and then attempting to strangle the person who served it to me. Fortunately, I have always been able to wrest it from their throat and then calm it down.

Rather embarrassing, yes, but then again, they tried to serve me liver.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,036

Strange Bandanas: The Green Tiger Striped One

.

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

I got this bandana from a Hindu mystic in India. He told me it would summon the Green Tiger, a legendary mix of animal and plant, that possesses a wide range of powerful magic spells and is consumed with bloodlust.

To be honest, I’ve never summoned the Green Tiger because I’m afraid it might turn on me. It’s a very cool looking bandana, though.

Questions About Zebras

…we get a lot of them from lions

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,033

Well, That’s Different: Pro Roleplaying

.

On Earth 2-O, tabletop roleplaying games, besides being immensly popular, are also a professional sport. It started when a television news crew did a story on a D&D tournament at a con and began to really catch on a couple of years later. By 1989, professional RPG matches were being televised once a week on a national network on Saturday evenings.

Televised sessions run 3 hours, but live session can run up to 6 hours. The game rules, regardless of genre or brand, are always streamlined and play is both against the clock and the scenario. Both players and Gms are rated by an international organization. Winning players get to split a prize ranging from a few thousand dollars to well over a million. Gms who participate get a set amount, but there are also GM only games, where all the players are well known GMs. There are also arena battles and free for all everyone for themselves dungeon runs.

While the fantasy genre is by far the most popular, the science fiction and horror genres are also big draws.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,034

Well, That’s Different: Modular Computers

.

On Earth 1-V, one of the big differences from us is that personal computers are sold in modular pieces that plug together easily and quickly. Each module is housed in it’s own case, which can come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, patterns and colors. You will almost never see two personal computers that look exactly alike.

This Posting Is Very Late

…but not too late
.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,031

Well, That’s Different: National Park States
.

On Earth 4-V in the current year of 2000, there are 123 states in the United States of America. That includes the 50 states we know, plus Puerto Rico, Guam, Baja California and 70 National Parks that are separate states within other states, sometimes sevearl in a single state, such as California with 6. These park states are home to and overseen by various Native American Nations. While independent, with their own Senators, Congressfolk and laws, they are also strongly aligned with the primary state they are found in. This is because they cannot have any industries that disturb the natural state of the park.

Thus, most of the “park states” rely on the mother state for anything they cannot produce. The mother state, in return, gains a portion of the money generated by tourism and certain other park businesses. This can be a considerable amount, with California again leading the pack..

The park states are sometimes considerably larger than the parks in our world. For example, Everglades National Park State was formed in 1872, before massive drainage projects could start. Because of this, the Everglades remain in near pristine condition and the park state covers the entire southern third of Florida, from just north of Lake Okeechobee south, including the Keys. The Seminole Nation is thriving.
.

.

The Doclopedia #2,032

Well, That’s Different: MoonBots

.

On Earth 2-L the US space program stalled in 1974 with the failed attempt by the Apollo 19 astronauts to set up a small permanent moon base. A rushed attempt by NASA to prevent the Nixon administration from shutting the whole program down, everything from materials failure to human error caused it to fail. Nixon shut down the manned space program in April, then in August, committed suicide by poison in the Rose Garden.

The Apollo 19 failure had stopped the exploration of the moon by humans cold, but it lit a fire under several high school students across North America. A few months later, several of them met at the National Science Fair. They stayed up late discussing everything from Star Trek (then nearing it’s final season) to science in general to how they would have built a base on the moon. That spawned hundreds of letters and the recruitment of other young science fans when most of them went to the International Science Fair in Paris during their senior year.

Eight years later, in 1984, several of these scientists got together to form a company called MoonBots Inc. Using advances in robotics, computers and materials, they constructed three robots and a 90,000 square foot chamber that perfectly duplicated conditions on the moon. They placed the robots and some prefabricted building materials inside the chamber and tnen invited 50 scientists, several senators and congressmen, all the major media companies, NASA officials and President Carter to come see how a permanent moon base could be built.

Over the course of two days, working 24/7, the MoonBots built a base large enough to comfotably hold 6 astronauts, several science experiment stations, two moon buggies and enough supplies of food, air, water and oxygen for a year. The robots also created a smooth and compacted landing space nearby.

Everyone who saw the demonstration was very impressed and the President told NASA to make a moon base their top priority. NASA did just that and the first moon base was ready for humans to outfit and move into 18 months later.

Now (current year: 2018) there are nearly 300 MoonBots and 10,000 people living on the moon. There are also 40 MarsBots and 200 people living on Mars. On Earth, a staggering 25,000 SmartBots are busy night and day repairing centuies of human caused damage to the planet.

The Place Where Puppies Are Demons And Children Drink Blood

…don’t ever go there

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,029

Well, That’s Different: Tower Farms

.

On Earth 1-K, farming and, to a somewhat lesser degree, ranching, underwent a massive revolution in 1974. That was the year Micheal DeBrea, Ethan Joong and Patty Rains patented their idea for a “tower farm”. Simply put, a tower farm is a multi-level, fully contained greenhouse. Water and air are recirculated from top to bottom with little loss of either on a daily basis. Since the climate is totally controllable, including light, the growing season is year round. There is no need for herbicides, fungicides, pesticides or chemical fertilizers. Everyone who enters goes through a three stage sterilization process. The only living creatures found inside a tower farm are brought in by the farmer. These usually include honeybees, earthworms, selected microorganisms in the soil and usually some form of poultry for the soil enriching manure.

The first tower farm was five stories high and covered 5 acres of land, totaling 25 acres of growing space. The farm raised tomatoes, peppers, squash and flowers. All year, in North Dakota. 10,000 farmers from all over the world toured it that first year. Within 2 years, there were 300 tower farms just like it in 11 countries. By 1984, that number had risen to 1,800 farms, some as tall as 10 stories with a 10 acre base.

Today (current year: 2034, almost no farming is done outside tower farms and things are being grown where they could not be grown before, such as avocados in the middle of Australia. Additionally, many tower farms are used to raise free range poultry of all sorts and some are used to raise pasture feed pigs, goats, sheep and even cattle.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,030

Well, That’s Different: Airships

.

On Earth 3-G, fossil fuels started getting very hard to find around 1930. The price of gasoline, diesel and other fuels shot through the roof. The infant airline industry was pretty much stopped dead…except for airships. Zeppelins were still much cheaper to run, so they pretty much replaced airplanes.

Over the next couple of decades, without a World War II to interrupt things (No fuel, no war) airships underwent vast improvements and design changes. Some of the new technology, like better electric batteries for power, came from the automobile industry. Some designs took their cues from cruise ships and first class train travel. By the mid 1950s, travel by airship was safe, affordable and comfortable. Today (current year: 1990), airships are used for travel, transporting goods and scientific research.

Loki Is My Co-Pilot

…and he’s very funny

.

Become a Patron!

.

The Doclopedia #2,027
Tiny Folk Villages: Needle

.

In the Dolomite Mountains of Italy, there is one small outcropping known as “The Needle”. It does look like a needle from a distance, standing about 200 feet tall with a pronounced point. The spire is about 25 feet across for most of it’s height.

The Needle is home to around 500 Tiny Folk who live inside it in large and comfortable homes. In fact, there are more homes that needed, because The Needle is a vacation getaway for Italian, Austrian and Swiss Tiny Folk looking for a relaxing stay in an interesting setting. Both the accomodations and food are top rated.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,028
Tiny Folk Villages: Village De Raisin
.
Known as Grape Village in English, this small Tiny Folk village, home to a mere 200, is located on a vineyard in the Loire Valley region. It has been here since at least the 14th century.

Unlike some of the other villages we’ve covered, this one is very ordinary and really just one of about 100 in the area. Life here moves at a slow pace and, well, they’re French. The food and wine are very good, the local animals are almost all friendly and several of the vintners in the area know about the Tiny Folk.

Tiny Folk tourists and artists sometimes stop by for a day or two, but mostly, life just goes on as it has for hundreds of years.

Junior Muskrat Trains A Cat

…mostly, he trained it to sleep

.

Become a Patron! Become the envy of all your friends!

.

The Doclopedia #2,025
Tiny Folk Villages: Whitecliff
.

Along the tops of the famous White Cliffs of Dover. In England, there is an extensive underground Tiny Folk village known as Whitecliff. About 3,000 Folk live there.

Tiny Folk first moved to the clifftop area from Dover proper in the late 17th century. They were later joined by other from surrounding villages and towns. At first, they lived in short individual burrows, but decided to go further underground when humans got to be a nuisance. Today, Whitecliff stretches for 2.5 kilometers in total, and is an average of 3 meters below the surface.

The village is surprisingly like most of the nearby human villages and the Folks are, as most British Tiny Folk are, proper hard working people. A few humans and a great many dogs in the area know and deal with the Whitecliff residents.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,026
Tiny Folk Villages: Tunguska

.
The largest Tiny Folk village on Earth has a population of 50,000 people and is located in the almost uninhabited Tunguska area of Siberia, Russia. The largest single village on Earth, it is about 60 kilometers from the site of the Tunguska Event of 1908. The first Tiny folk to settle here arrived in 1915.

So few humans show up in this area that the Folk build their homes and shops right out in the open. No humans know about them, but they do keep in touch with other Tiny Folk in larger towns and cities.

The villagers are a hearty and resourceful folk, with a simple lifestyle. They ate very much tied to the land and are excellent at surviving in the area. Their relationship with the wildlife around them is strong and even the local bears will protect them.

One odd custom these Folk have is to send 12 young people out into the world every 20 years. They are told to go as far as they can in 3 years, then return home to tell their tales. Roughly half make it back, usually having covered thousands of miles. The most travelled was a young lady who managed to travel to every continent except Antarctica.

Nose Games

…da nose knows

.

Become a Patron!   Don’t let “them” tell you not to.!

.

The Doclopedia #2,023
Tiny Folk Villages: Golden Park

.

There is a thriving Tiny Folk village (they call all of their settlments “villages”, regardless of size) in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park. It’s been there since 1873, three years after the park opened. As of 2020, it houses 35,000 Tiny Folk, the second largest village in the world.

The entire park is home to the little people, especially the various buildings, including the De Young Museum, Academy of Sciences and Conservatory of Flowers. Several humans that works in these places know and are friends with tht Tiny Folk

Strawberry Hill in the middle of Stow Lake is home to about 9,000 of the Folk, with most of them living inside the hill in tunnels and a few constructed caverns. One tunnel, called the Strawberry Highway, goes under the lake and comes out near the western edge of the park, not far from the beach.

The Golden Park Tiny Folk spend a lot of each day scrounging up things humans lose or discard. They also do what they can to aid animals in need, all the while avoiding the burgeoning coyote population.
.

.

The Doclopedia #2,024
Tiny Folk Villages: Redwood

.

In Humboldt Redwoods State Park, in northwestern California, you can find the Tiny Folk village of Redwood. Established by previously nomadic Folk who lived in the are, today it is a small community of 400 people. Another 3,000 Folk live in the surrounding forest.

Redwood has a very frontier vibe, with the Folk living there being pretty much untouched by big city ways. Animals, especially squirrels and chipmunks, mingle and even live with the Folk. They supply transprtation, shed hair and milk, while the Folk offer protection from predators.

Redwood is home to one of the wildest events in North American Tiny Folk culture, the Great Redwood Race. Taking place as high as 200 feet in the air, this madcap and dangerous race involves Tiny Folk running, leaping and swinging from tree to tree. While only a few Tiny Folk have ever died during the race, injuries are very common. A somewhat saner race is the Uspsy Downy, which involves riding squirrels up one side and down the other of a 250 foot tall tree.

The Dancing Elks Do A Reunion Tour

…it’s sold out

.

Become a Patron! This is the stuff dreams are made of!

.

The Doclopedia #2,021
Good Idea/Bad Idea: Flying cars

.

Good Idea: Cool looking solar powered cars that can fly at up to 150 mph and at altitudes up to 500 feet.

Bad Idea: Letting the average human actually buy them, thus quintupling automobile deaths in the first year, to say nothing of massive property damage.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,022
Good Idea/Bad Idea: Power Tea

.

Good Idea: Tea with 6 times the caffiene, in 5 delicious flavors.

Bad Idea: Selling it in 32 ounce bottles, which people chugged and then 15 minutes later they had a heart attack.

The Happy Cactus Episode

…Happy Happy Ouch

.

Become a Patron! Think of the children…or just me!

.

The Doclopedia #2,018
Good Idea/Bad Idea: Talking Cats

.

Good Idea: Giving cats the ability to converse with us so we can learn what they think and feel.

Bad Idea: Letting cats talk because all thry do is give orders and dish out snark and condescension.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,019
Good Idea/Bad Idea: Storming Highmount Castle

.
Good Idea: Storm the castle, overthrow the evil wizard, rescue the Queen and bring peace to the land.

Bad Idea: Storming a goddamn castle on a steep mountain that has everyone tired and sore before we’re halfway up.

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,020
Good Idea/Bad Idea: D&D On A Boat

.

Good Idea: Playing D&D somewhere different and interesting.

Bad Idea: Playing D&D on a rocking moving boat with 5 of 6 players deathly seasick.

It’s All Fun And Games Until You Go Lockdown Crazy

…I HAVE NO OVEN SO I CAN’T BAKE BREAD! HAHAHAHAHA!

.

Become a Patron! You’ve been waiting for this chance !

.

The Doclopedia #2,015
Good Idea/Bad Idea: The Astounding Colossal Man

.

Good Idea: Create a chemical that will stop his growth so that you can find a way to cure him.

Bad Idea: Putting it in a suppository

.

.

The Doclopedia #2,016
Good Idea/Bad Idea: Line Of Sight Teleportation

.

Good Idea: A fast way to move a long distance, especially outdoors.

Bad Idea: Trying to teleport to a spot miles in the distance where details are indistinct.
.

.

The Doclopedia #2,017
Good Idea/Bad Idea: Miniature Dinosaurs

.

Good Idea: Tiny 4 to 8 inch tall dinosaurs that are easy to contain in an exhibition and can’t eat you if they do escape.

Bad Idea: Not making sure they wouldn’t form up packs and eat you if they do escape.