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The Doclopedia #2,059
Recipes For The Devout Worshiper: The Glorious And Most Holy Stew
What You Will Require
1 pound of kwug meat, taken from the hindquarters by a 3rd tier priest in accordance with the Holy Text.
1 pound of yimmalo meat, with fat and blessed by a Sister of Eternal Hope
Assorted vegetables, but NOT diltengs, croots or axonurs, you vile sinner!
The 9 Herbs of Redemption, gathered by virgin slaves under the light of ONLY the yellow moon.
Half a lemon
Flour provided to you after a generous gift to the millermonks of Neer.
Oil of T’loom
Pour one ounce of the Oil into a large iron pan that has been cleansed and blessed by your local High Priestess. Heat it to a high temprature while reciting “The Foregiveness of Ud”.
Toss the meat in some of the flour while avoiding IMPURE THOUGHTS! Then place the meat in the pan and brown it.
Chop the vegetables up into pleasing sizes, then have your slaves dump them into the pan with the meat. Cook for 6 minutes.
After performing the Ritual of Guidance while Cooking put the meat and vegetables into a large pot. Cover with 3 quarts of Holy Water of Arguub.
Next, take a cheese grater and rub it on your buttocks, then cut the lemon in half, squeeze out the juice and pour it on yout now raw buttocks. You know you deserve this pain, you receptacle of uncleanliness!
When your buttocks no longer hurt (about 2 hours), your stew is ready to eat.
The Doclopedia #2,060
Recipes For The Devout Worshiper: The Accepted Dinner For Those Attempting To Fend Off Sinful Thoughts
What You Will Require
16 unsalted crackers made from desert potatos and water
1 small filet of sandfish, boiled. Recite the Five Verses of Rejecting Lust as it boils.
4 ounces of Twung cheese of the most common sort. Have one of your slaves purchase it, then cast them into the wilderness for 3 days.
One 12 ounce glass of water.
Have your slaves lay out this meal on your most unadorned plate. Eat everything, chewing each bite 30 times. Drink water as needed. As you eat, your slaves should recite the Prayer Against Sin in loud voices while a person you lust after sits across from you. When you begin to have sinful thoughts, strike your Naughty Area with your fist.