Happy Birthday, Luke!

…9 years old!

 

CritterCon 10

Day Four

Today was a day full of great roadside coolness and even cooler gaming on the bus! This probably explains why about most of our happy crew are sound asleep at 11:00 at night. Truth be told, I’m running on empty myself, so I’m gonna skip my usual rambling and just get to the good parts.

(Sasha: I’m the only critter awake, so it falls to me to do our commentary.)


Luke’s Birthday

Today was our boy’s 9th birthday as well as his one year anniversary with us. My present to him was to take him back to 1952 to have lunch with several big movie stars, including Cary Grant, Fred Astaire and Rosalind Russell. He had a great time.

(Sasha: He could not stop talking about it. Love ya, big brother.)

The Mutant Chicken Museum

This small museum is out in the farmland east of San Diego and has a collection of about 100 mutant chickens caused by a former chicken farmer feeding his flock mineral grit illegally taken from a nuclear test site in the 1950’s.

(Sasha: Hmmm.)


The place is small and not well air conditioned, but it’s only $2.00 to get in and these are some damned strange looking cluckers, folks. I’ll also note here that the young fellow who now owns the place, while being nice, is more than a bit creepy sounding when discussing his “chick chicks”. Oh, and these chickens are stuffed and mounted, the last one having died in 1965.

(Sasha: He was very creepy and he smelled of chicken feathers.)


There are two headed hens, a rooster with four wings, another rooster that was 3 times the size of a normal White Leghorn, a hen with extra long legs and many other mutants of the atomic age. Mr. Creepy (real name: Devin) also told stories about legends of mutants that escaped and ran off into the desert. Among these was the chicken that weighed 60 pounds, stood 3 feet tall and had an alligator like mouth full of teeth. He even finish with the classic line “and some folks think it’s still out there”. Excellent!

(Sasha: Humans. Sometimes I just can’t even.)

Creatures of the Desert!

Not to be confused with Monsters of the Desert! over in Arizona, this is a bunch of giant sized statues of normal creatures. It’s about a mile out in the desert and it’s free to visit. The scorpion you see as you drive in is very lifelike and about the size of an SUV. There’s a rattlesnake, desert tortoise,

assorted lizards, a roadrunner and about a dozen other creatures. Every one of them is made out of metal by several artists who live on the premises. A pretty impressive collection. Great t-shirts, too.

(Sasha: I was impressed. Of course, I could probably whip up a real giant scorpion in my lab.)

Our Lord, the Giant Jesus Christ of the Desert

(Sasha: Here we go, folks.)


Yep, that’s what the sign says when you turn off and drive just shy of two miles into the desert to see the big mack daddy of Giant Sons of God. No actual fee to go see it from the parking area, but if you want to go inside the 12 foot tall razor wire topped fence to get up close and personal, the church that runs the place, God’s Divine Ministries, asks for at least a $7.50 “love donation”. They also state that only“True Christians” will be allowed to pay another minimum of $5.00 per person to ascend into the viewing room in Jesus’s head.

Fortunately, I prepared all of us with ID that proved we were members of the First Baptist Church of God in Roscoe, Alabama, R. Cross, Reverend. I also

had Sasha whip up a fat roll of Benjamins that would totally disintegrate in about 12 hours. Thus armed, we went to see the statue.

(Sasha: Dad also gave everyone universal translators set with the proper Christian redneck accent. It was all I could do to keep from laughing.)

Once I donated a cool five large, we were escorted in by our own personal tour guide, Sister Amanda. I reckon she was about 18 and still full of the dewy eyed religious fervor that would begin crumbling once she went off to college and faced the real world. She gave us a quick tour of the compound, then took us to the feet of Big J himself.

My friends, if you enjoy collecting visits to Giant Jesus statues, or really any Giant Statue, you must know how I felt standing there. It was, by far, the best looking statue I have seen yet. 350 feet tall, excellent detailing, well painted and maintained…oh my, it was breathtaking. I can only imagine how a non-atheist would feel.

(Sasha: It is a hella nice statue, folks. A lot of work and the money of many deluded humans went into building it.)


After taking 74 pictures and 15 minutes of video, I was ready to lead my flock to the head of Jesus. I donated five more c notes and we all piled into the elevator and went up.

(Sasha: I REALLY wish I could see the faces of the guys that run that place when a cool grand just disintegrates about 1:00 am.)


The view is great and, since I figured it would be the thing to do, I lead the group, Amanda and about 15 other visitors in a prayer. I really pulled out all the stops and was glad that several of my traveling companions concealed their smiles and chuckling by yelling “Praise Jesus!” and stuff. Gabriel was especially great when he started yelling that he could hear again out of his right ear and his right arm had full movement. A couple of folks not in our group swooned.

(Sasha: Once again, I’ll say that the world should be damned glad that Daddy is not some money grubbing televangelist.)


After the praying, we all looked out the windows and man, you an see a long way. Not that there’s much to see in that part of the desert, but there it was.

We spent near 45 minutes admiring the view and taking pictures and stuff, then bought about $300 in tchotchkes down in the gift shop before we left, praising Big J all the way. All in all, it was an incredible experience.

(Sasha: Well, it was for Daddy.)

On the D. Cross Giant Jesus Rating Scale, this Giant Jesus rated as follows.

Size: 10! 350 feet tall!

Climbability: 10! Elevator, baby!

Appearance: 10! Extremely lifelike looking and in primo shape.

Pose: 10! He’s standing with his hands on his hips and smiling AND looking down at you, not up at the sky or off into the distance.

Religiosity: 10! Hell, maybe a 12, if my scale went that high. There’s a whole religion strip mall in that compound.

I…I need a minute, folks. I’m verklempt.

(Sasha: Oh, Daddy, you big old nut.)

CAR WARS NIGHT!

Okay, although this was the fist full of cherries on the banana split of our day, I’m fading fast, so here are the basics of our Car Wars races on the new holodeck.

The Teams: 7 humans, 7 NHT? A natural pairing! Drivers listed first, gunners second.

Me & Roxy

Daisy & Grace

Avis & Max
Sasha & Ginie
Spike & Luke
Silky & Mary
Gabriel & Leon


The Races (all cross country, 50 miles long)

1: London, abandoned by the living, full of slow living dead. We raced from various points on the map to other points, finishing at Trafalgar Square.

2: Straight up run along I-5 between Sacramento and Stockton. Debris all over, the odd minefield (clearly marked) and automatic guns firing at random.

3: A Potterverse version of Yellowstone park. All of our weaponry was magic based, plus we had wands. There were many creatures, too, including a North American Yellow Tailed Dragon.


The Weapons

We all drove identical mid sized SUVs with forward mounted machine guns, side mounted machine guns, rear facing flame throwers, spike droppers, oil slick spreader and one roof mounted rocket. Our armor was Medium.

The Winners

1: Spike & Luke, by about 30 feet and just before Sasha & Ginie shot off their two remaining tires.

2: Me & Roxy, because everybody else hit mines. Mind you, we had no doors or hood or windshield.

3: A tie! Avis & Max and Sasha & Grace. Everyone in those two cars were hella up on their spells and driving. Plus the dragon took out my car, Gabriel’s car and about half of Spike’s car.

A totally fun night! And now, I’m off to bed. More blogstuff tomorrow.

Destination Sign When We Started: Stately Wayne Manor
Destination Sign When We Stopped: Cimmeria

QM Radio Station: Elven Swing

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Under The Onion Tree

…and other stories

 

 

CritterCon 10

Day Three

Having planned this trip out carefully, I decided that between Castroville and Santa Barbara, there were no roadside attractions worth stopping at, or, if there were, they were ones we had already been to. With that in mind, the Bus started heading down the highway about 3 in the morning so that when we all woke up at 7, we were not only in the Santa Barbara area, but in the parking lot of Lugo Makes Breakfast!, a very tasty place to eat.

I had eaten here before, so I knew the drill, but did not fill anyone in when we all filed inside at 8:00. See, Lugo only makes one kind of breakfast: bacon, eggs, hash browns, a biscuit and whatever you choose to drink, as long as you drink coffee, tea, milk or water. There is no menu and all you get to choose is how your two eggs are cooked. That’s it, baby. $7.00 a pop and if you dawdle over brekky, the waitresses start saying rude things about you. So we ate and got the hell out.

(Silky: Dad neglected to say that you get four slices of bacon, the hash browns are seasoned wonderfully and that big ass biscuit is fluffy and delicious.)

Our only other stop in Santa Barbara was the Bird House, which is a pretty standard 1960’s ranch style home set smack in the middle of an aviary the size of a football field. Said aviary is home to 97 species of birds, from tiny wrens to ostriches. The tour takes about 45 minutes and costs $5.00. Many of the birds are not afraid of humans and will land right on you.

(Roxy: That’s cool when the bird is a little finch, but alarming when the bird is a hyacinth macaw.)

(Leon: AUGH! My cat instincts were at odds with being in a humanoid body.)

Upon leaving the Bird House, we all relaxed on the bus as we made our way to San Diego. Gabriel and I got to doing a comedy bit where he played Rocco, a Chicago mobster, and I played Maxie, his dim bulb of a right hand man. It was mostly Rocco asking about how the latest plan went and Maxie telling how he and the boys screwed it up. An example…

Rocco: So, Maxie, I told ya to go corner the market on D&D. How’d it go?

Maxie: Oh, boss, the first night was so tiring. My feet hurt from all that dancing.

Rocco: Dancing? What the hell?

Maxie: Yeah, D&D, Dames & Dancing. Them gals was cute, though. This one blonde…

Rocco: MAXIE! D&D is not about dames and dancing! It’s…

Maxie: Oh, we figured it out, boss. It was Ducks & Drinking. Lemme tell ya, them ducks cannot hold their liquor.

And so on. We had everybody laughing.

Around 11:30, down in Los Angeles, we stopped at our next attraction, the World Famous Murder Mansion. I mean, who wouldn’t want to tour a seaside mansion that has been the site of 14 murders, starting in 1924 with the last one in 1998?

This place is huge and sits on 10 acres of land. After you pay your twenty bucks per person, you enter the mansion and see the scene of the first murder, where silent movie actress Dondra Durban shot her cheating husband and his mistress six times each (she reloaded her revolver, drank a bottle of wine and shot them again).

(Silky: She was plenty pissed off.)
(
Daisy: Ya think?)

From there, you go to…

The 1930 mob hit on Frankie “Box Office” Tanetelli in the front driveway. No convictions on this one.

The 1941 unsolved decapitations of the twin Onslow brothers in their separate bedrooms.

The 1947 murder by strangulation of actress Jenny Robbins, committed by her ex manager in the pool house.

(Silky: I remember hearing about this one on the radio.)


The 1959 triple homicide (shooting, stabbing & beating) in the dining room of Mr & Mrs Waldefski by their business partner, Ed Niddle, who was the one shot by the dying Mrs Waldefski.

(Leon: That was one hell of a business disagreement.)

The 1970 poisoning of record producer Buddy Leaper and his girlfriend. They ate poisoned cookies in the master bathroom while bathing. Girlfriend’s mother was convicted.

The 1979 death by bomb in the car of B movie director Sam Sterling. Bomb planted by his ex-lover, B movie star Trent Nash.

(Daisy: Hey, he made “Teenage Lizard Girls From Outer Space”!)
(
Max: And “Surf Of Death”. That one with the deadly kelp!)


The 1988 dismemberment and partial cannibalization of Richard Milligan, a gardener, by his employer, millionaire Alex Rader. The bodies of 11 other people were found at Rader’s ranch near Santa Maria.

(Roxy: EWWWWWW!)


And finally, the 1998 murder of Mr. Harry Culbertson by his wife. In the Kitchen. With a Frying Pan. On a Saturday. Because he was an Insufferable Asshole.

(Silky: She died on Death Row in 2009.)

The whole tour takes over 90 minutes and yes, folks, they do have a gift shop. Oddly, when we got back on the Bus, several folks didn’t want to eat.

We rolled into San Diego at 5:00 and rested up before dinner. After dinner, we played two sessions of D&D 5th edition. I ran one game and Daisy ran the other at the same time. Everyone had fun.

(Daisy: Daddy ran them through a dungeon and I ran my group through the Forest of the Doomed. It was pretty fun to scare the crap out of them with Ghost Trolls, Night Slimes and Fungus Orcs.)


It’s time for bed now. Tomorrow, we’re off across the desert, with one of our stops being

Destination Sign When We Started: Lair of the White Worm
Destination Sign When We Stopped: Townsville

QM Radio Station: Dog Punk 101

Mr. Porkwaffle Tries To Climb A Tree

…with very humorous results

 

CritterCon 10

Day Two

So last night, after watching two movies from Earth 1-D (Fall of a Jedi Knight: A Star Wars Story and Tarzan and the Jewels of Opar), most of us sat around talking until just after one in the morning. This explains why we all slept in until about 8 this morning and didn’t finish breakfast until 10.

(Silky: I crashed about 11:30. I’m getting too old for staying up late.)

(Sasha: I had to go check on some experiments and damned if I didn’t fall asleep in the lab.)

We had been north of Santa Cruz and only had to drive about three miles to the Hippie Museum, which, while not advertised as World Famous, damn well should be. Also, there is no force on Earth that could have kept Spike and Mary out of there.

(Daisy: I can’t think of a better roadside attraction for Auntie Mary & Uncle Spike. Or Silky and Daddy, for that matter.)


The entry fee to this hippie owned and operated establishment is either whatever cash you want to donate or canned food for the local food bank. Since our pantry is roughly the size of a WalMart, we donated a literal ton of food. Not only did this get us into the museum, it got us free t-shirts, free bumper stickers and hugs from the staff.

(Roxy: I thought those people were gonna poop!)

(Leon: They offered Uncle Doc & Uncle Spike some weed, too.)

The museum is chock full of photos, film, videos, writings, posters, clothing and other memorabilia of the late 60s to mid 70s. It was a real blast from the past, even for our younger members.

(Max: Man, I thought humans dressed strangely nowadays, but that’s nothing compared to the hippie attire.)

We spent over two hours there, and liked it so much we gave them another ton of food and bought a bunch more t-shirts and 9 bandanas.

(Leon: One of the ladies tried to give Uncle Doc a plate full of brownies, but he begged off citing a mass diet.)

Santa Cruz being what it is, our next stop was a mere mile away and the Human Roadside Zoo. Part theater, part fundraiser, this is another place that asks only for donations. When we got out of the bus, we saw several right wing groups protesting the place, so we knew we were going to like it, being a big old bus load of liberals. Confrontation was inevitable, I suppose.

(Daisy: Oh, Daddy, you live for shit like this.)

It seems the righties didn’t like how some of their ilk were being portrayed inside. They also didn’t like the big security guards inside, so that’s why the 15 or so of them were out on the sidewalk.

(Silky: So much for the courage of their convictions.)
(Leon: I’d say most of them had convictions for DUI.)

One dickhead in a MAGA hat and NRA t-shirt tried to stand in Grace’s way. This did not sit well with Daisy and when they guy started yelling at Grace about “UnAmerican Liberals”, Daisy told him to shut the fuck up and get out of the way. He turned toward her and poked her in the chest with his finger. He managed to get the words “Listen, little girl” out before 5’2” Daisy jumped up and kicked him square in the face, stretching him out on the pavement. Some woman, probably his wife, came at Daisy from behind and got an elbow in her plentiful stomach before getting slapped about 6 times.

(Roxy: Daisy is my hero!)

(Daisy: Do NOT mess with me or my family.)

Some young guy in neo-nazi attire looked like he might be going for a gun, so I sorta punched him in the throat. Twice. Turns out he was just going for a cell phone, probably to record the nasty old antifa hippies. My bad. I tossed his phone under the tire of a truck driving by.

(Sasha: You just know Daddy wanted to curbstomp that asshole, but the cops were coming.)

To avoid explaining things to the cops, Sasha neuralized the righties to start fighting each other. I reckon all of them got arrested.

(Sasha: Yeah, and I had every one of them assault a cop, too, for extra charges.)


The Human Zoo itself was interesting, with all of the stereotypes represented. You could see how the Trumpistas would have not liked many of them. We donated $50.00 as we were leaving. Outside, all the cops & protesters were gone.

By now it was after 1:30, so we all chowed down at a hotdog place, then wandered around downtown Santa Cruz for about an hour. Around 3:30, we got on the bus and drove about 10 miles to the Giant Jesus of The Coast.

(Luke: Dad was so excited!)

(Silky: Auntie Mary was pretty excited, too. I think Dad has got her hooked on Giant Jesuses.)

On the D. Cross Giant Jesus Rating Scale, this one rated as follows.

Size: 3 It was about 80 feet tall.

Climbability: 3, since you could only go up an outside stairway to a small deck encircling his waist.

Appearance: 8 Very lifelike looking, but with a bit of paint chipping due to the salt air.

Pose: 5 Pretty much your standard arms outspread to embrace the faithful pose

(Luke: I think Dad would faint if he found a Giant Jesus playing air guitar.)

Religiosity: 10 There was a small bible store at the base and about a dozen religious folks milling about there and up on the deck, ready to save souls.

All told, not a bad Giant Jesus, but not the best by along shot.

(Max: But he still took 35 pictures of it.)

It now being near 5 pm, we decided to take the bus to a campground down by Castroville, where we had a fine dinner prepared by Julia, then rested a bit before going to the Slide Room and trying out the new Slide Racing option. It was big fun, but after about an hour, everyone was pretty much tuckered out.

(Daisy: You’d be surprised how tied you get sliding around on your ass in the water at speeds up to 75 mph.)

So now it’s 11:00 and I’m heading to bed. More trip reportage tomorrow.

 

Destination Sign When We Started: Westeros
Destination Sign When We Stopped: Toad Hall

QM Radio Station: Alt. Country Meets Alt. Rock

It Was The Kazoos That Pissed Off The Bull

…he was not a music lover

 

Day Two will go up tonight.

 

 

CritterCon 10

Day One, Part Two

After leaving Half Moon Bay, we only had to drive 4 miles down the highway to reach our next roadside attraction, the Wooden Presidents.

(Silky: As opposed to just the wooden headed presidents.)


Penny Gudermann started doing chainsaw sculptures as a young teenager with her dad. Eventually, they opened a shop selling their carvings and that shop is still open.

About 12 years ago, Penny started carving a statue of Thomas Jefferson. It turned out really well, so she moved on to Washington, then Kennedy, then all of the others. Once she had them all, up to Obama, she opened up the lot of them for public viewing.

(Luke: At $2.00 a head, but children under 10 are free.)


All of the statues are carved from native California oak and the detail is incredible. During the tour, Penny told plenty of stories about working on each president, as well as her ongoing work on the First Ladies and a few of the Founding Fathers. All told, we spent nearly an hour and a half there.

And yes, there is a small selection of bumper stickers, t-shirts, etc.

(Daisy: We have a very large wall covered in bumper stickers from these trips. Uncle Gabriel was very impressed. He has not seen all the fridge magnets yet.)

By now it was nearing 4:00, but we figured we had enough time to visit our next attraction, the First Church of the True World History, located just outside of Santa Cruz. It only opened a couple of months ago and I had heard a bit about it. As you are about to find out, it elicits quite a bit of interest from us here at Casa Cross.

(Silky: That is Daddy making with the understatement of nearly British proportions.)


The church charges nothing to visit it, so the bunch of us (the critters in their android bodies) went in. We were met by Pastors Oscar and Tanya Mendina, the founders of the church. They explained that they started the church after finding evidence that world history was being manipulated by a strange group of humans and dogs of the hound variety, at least one of which was some sort of tentacled mutant. It is a testimony to our self control that none of us laughed or looked shocked, although both Grace and Avis did give Sasha & I the “SEE? We told you you’d get caught!” look.

(Leon: BUSTED, Uncle Doc!)
(Sasha: I need to make us some sort of cloaking device.)
(Roxy: Or you could just stop messing with history.)

(Sasha: Honey, we are MAKING history.)


Pastor Oscar then showed us around the church museum and damned if they didn’t have a pretty impressive collection of written accounts and even a few photographs. Fortunately, we always subtly change how we look, so the photos of Sasha show a black & white basset and photos of me show a younger clean shaven guy with short hair.

(Silky: Dad actually looks kind of dashing in the photo of him with Lawrence of Arabia.)
(Max: On the other hand, that 14th century Chinese painting of Sasha looked like something from Creature Features.)


Both pastors related stories of how these strange dogs & humans (Spike has gone with me a few times and one of the stories is how Grace accidentally caused a pre-teen Martin Luther to start thinking the way he did) have been around for at least 7,000 years, and maybe longer. Obviously, he told us, they are immortal and could be sent by God or Satan, the jury still being out. He also related how Men In Black and government agents have stopped by the church to question them several times.

When the tour and stuff was done, we bought a couple of t-shirts, then left, chuckling all the way to the bus. As soon as we were on board, Grace went into lecture mode and Sasha and I had to swear to be more careful when we went through time to ensure that history comes out correctly.

By then it was almost 6 and time for dinner, which we have just finished eating. Tonight is movie night, with some conversation after. Tomorrow we are off down the coast for more adventures.

Destination Sign When We Started: Invidia
Destination Sign When We Stopped: Alpha Complex

QM Radio Station: One Hit Wonders, 1925-2015

 

Support this blog on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DocCross

War Muffins

…they BOOM when you eat them.

(Note: Part Two will go up tomorrow along with the Day 3 entry)

CritterCon 10

Day One, Part One

Hi folks! It is now 2:30 in the afternoon, we have just finished lunch and some spirited rounds of various card games (Sentinels of the Multiverse, Sushi Go, Dominion).

(Daisy: I OWNED Max, Uncle Spike, Auntie Avy and Daddy at Dominion!)


We are leaving Half Moon Bay now, heading south toward our next stop along the coast.

Our day began officially at 7:30 with breakfast at The Santa Rosa Diner, where we all chowed down good & proper.

(Luke: And by “good & proper”, Dad means “at too much”.)
(Silky: It’s a great eatery though. They cook up eggs and ground beef for dogs.)
(Roxy: And kippered herring & eggs for cats!)

Around 8:30, we got back on the bus and drove 4 miles south to the World Famous Giant Maze Garden. As we have said many times in past reports, anything that proclaims itself World Famous is a must stop and this place is actually world famous. They had pix of folks from all over the world who have visited.

(Sasha: They had pictures of Lassie and Roy Rogers’ dog, Bullet.)

Entering the actual maze will set you back $10.00 each if you are human. Dogs & cats on leashes can enter for free.

(Leon: As well we should!)

(Luke: Damned straight!)

The maze is big and the very tight, very dense hedges are all about 12 feet tall. Sound from the other side of the hedge is almost inaudible. Covering 24 acres, the average unassisted time to get out of the maze is 90 minutes. If you need help, there are call boxes at every turn and intersection. The paths are about 8 feet wide. Every so often, the maze opens into a small and beautiful garden.

(Max: They had catnip in the little herb garden and Leon and Roxy got high as kites.)
(Leon: That was wicked strong ‘nip!)

(Daisy: Auntie Ginie had to carry Roxy for a while because she was too stoned to walk properly.)


Naturally, we spent much of our 1 hour, 5 minutes in the maze discussing how great it would be for a dungeon crawl LARP. When we exited it, we all agreed it was worth the ten bucks. Amazingly, they had a gift shop selling t-shirts, fridge magnets and other stuff. Longtime readers know what happened there.

(Sasha: We own so many fridge magnets, Daddy has put sheet steel on the kitchen walls to hold them all. The fridge was fully covered by 2013.)


Our next stop was about 25 minutes down the highway at Mousetown, USA. If you guessed that this was the work of a guy and his wife with WAY too much time & money, you guessed right.

Housed in a big steel barn, Mouseville is indeed a mouse sized town hand built by Lou and Kathy Corrigan. They started it in 1982 and it now measures 12 feet wide by 90 feet long. Originally built to house actual live mice, they proved to be too destructive, stinky and predator attracting, so now it is home to 562 plastic toy mice, including several variants of Mickey & Minnie.

(Leon: Even years later, one can still detect the delicious scent of mouse on the hoof.)


Like most of these sort of places, it was cheap to visit and a quick tour. See one tiny town, you’ve seen them all.

(Sasha: One might say the same about Giant Jesus statues, to no avail.)

(Silky: Yeah, you’ll never end Dad’s obsession with that.)


About a half hour later, we reached San Francisco and our third stop, Robotica. Now this was a cool place to visit, being a big former grocery store (Daisy: It used to be a Ralph’s.) re-purposed to show off a few hundred robots, from the very tiny to one the size of a car.

Amazingly, entry is free, although if the parking lot is full (it will be), parking across the street is $10.00.

(Sasha: Fortunately, once we all disembarked sweetie, we sent her to an early Sunday morning in 1975 when the Ralph’s parking lot was near empty.)

This place is hella cool! The robots doo everything from mimic ant behavior to actually play rock riffs on a Fender Stratocaster. There are plenty of helpful young geeks to explain things to you and a couple actually recognized spike and I by our names, asking “Are you Doc Cross and Spike Y Jones?” From there we moved into about 20 minutes of gaming talk, which ended with Spousal Staring.

(Sasha: Those robots were pretty cute and some were cutting edge for current human science. Still, I would have loved to have shown them a SmartBot.)

We spent an hour at Robotica, leaving just after noon. We jammed down the coast at speeds not usually capable for a bus. (Max: 150 miles an hour! Of course, the Bus was shapeshifted into a Ferrari.) We arrived in Half Moon Bay for a fine lunch at a local burger joint.

And that catches you all up on our day so far. More bloggage later

(Roxy: What happened to all those police cars and helicopters that were chasing us.)
(Sasha: Mass neuralization. I sent them off after a drunk driver.)

Destination Sign When We Started: Green Mars
Destination Sign When We Stopped: Kadath

QM Radio Station: RoboRomance. Songs for young robots in love.

The Suspenseful And Thrilling, Yet Oddly Mindblowing, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Milk Cow Boogie

…co-starring her her Uncle Swingy Tompkins

Great googly moogly, Dear Readers, It’s that time of year again!

CritterCon 10

Day Zero

Hi, folks! It is just shy of 11:30 pm, Wednesday, August 2, and I’m the only person awake on the Magic Bus. I’ll be hitting the sack soon and then around five in the morning, Sweetie, as we call the Bus, will drive over to Santa Rosa where, at around seven, we’ll officially begin our tenth trip to the greatest imaginary convention on earth.

Our merry crew for this year includes…

Me
Grace

Silky

Luke

Sasha

Daisy

Max

Avis Crane (the original version, this year)

Leon Crane (a cat)

Ginie Murphy

Roxy Murphy (a cat)

Spike Y Jones

Mary Jones

Gabriel Gentile (first timer)

Our route this year is pretty simple: Drive down Highway 101 to San Diego, take a left turn onto interstate 8, follow it to Interstate 10 and then straight on until we hit the middle of Texas, where we turn off to go to Critter City. We are looking at a 5 day trip.

As always, we will stop off at some strange and wonderful roadside attractions, including the tallest Giant Jesus statue on earth! One restriction I placed on us this year was that we could not go more than three miles off the highway to reach an attraction. This only counted out two, the Spider House (which nobody wanted to go to anyway) and Chickenville (which is about 12 mile off the highway), so we are good to go for several places. I might even stop us at a couple we’ve been to in previous years.

Well, I’m done with the nightcap that Jeeves brought to me, so it’s off to bed now. Tune in tomorrow for Day One of our journey.

Destination Sign: Zzzzzzz
QM Radio: Turned off for now

The Yellow Blouse Of Seduction

…and other stories of powerful apparel

 

 

The Doclopedia #1,346

The Numbers: 520

520 miles was how far the chase by police and the FBI went in pursuit of Jimmy Ray Waller, noted bank robber, cop killer and general psychopath. He started his spree in Huntsville, Alabama, where Jimmy robbed two banks in rapid succession. Leaving the second bank, he shot and killed two police officers. Within 10 minutes, the chase was on, mostly through local roads and state highways. Jimmy had an accomplice, his best friend Raymond Parker, who used Google maps and a constant stream from local and national news to stay ahead of their pursuers.

Toward the end, there were 24 cars, 5 helicopters and 2 planes following Jimmy. He had managed to shoot 6 more officers, 3 fatally. He had also caused 11 crashes. Most of the chase was watched live on television and the internet by tens of millions of people.

But not the last few minutes, which were blocked by “broadcasting problems”.

The truth is, on a very lonely road in <REDACTED FOR NATIONAL SECURITY>, Jimmy, Raymond and the car vanished into what is now believed to be a “weak point in time”. The government quietly closed off that road and moved everyone to a similar road about 2 miles away, where they staged a fiery car crash, complete with two badly burned corpses. Since neither Jimmy or Raymond had ever been to a dentist, identification was solely done by the drivers of the closest cars in pursuit.

Oddly, no conspiracy theory ever evolved about this event, because near the end of it a Kardashian died out in California and that completely got everybody’s attention.

Meanwhile, the remains on Jimmy, Raymond and the car lie at the bottom of a deep canyon in the middle of a desert 105 million years ago.