Mexican Jenny And Bad Candy Bust Up A Beer Bash

…they rode in on the hood of a Camaro

365 People, Places & Things #92

Our first geologic specimen is something any wizard will be carrying.

Alt. Rocks: Powerstones

It is generally accepted that Magadalius Flinster was the wizard who created powerstones nearly 1,700 years ago. It would seem that he wanted to stop an incoming meteor from demolishing his newly finished castle, so he tapped into the raw mana of the Universe and sent a bolt of energy out into the aether, hoping to destroy the space rock. Sadly, 7 hours later the meteor slammed into the ground, leaving a 2,500 foot wide, 900 foot deep crater where Castle Flinster (and Magadalius) had previously stood.

Infused as it was with raw mana that had been altered somewhat by cosmic forces outside the atmosphere, the meteor released a mighty shockwave of magical energy that circled the planet and turned all meteorites of a similar basic makeup (carbonaceous chondrites) into a new type of mineral: powerstones.

All powerstones hold large supplies of mana, but the size of the stone is not an indicator of the amount of power it holds. The most powerful stone ever documented was owned by Borwan the Horrible (who was, despite his overly theatrical nickname, quite a nice chap) and, despite being the size of a duck egg, held 900 mana units of power. (Note: one mana unite is the amount of magical power needed to cast the basic Detect Magic spell)

The vast majority of powerstones are in the ping pong ball size range and hold about 75-90 power units. All powerstones are very dark green in color with much lighter thin green streaks. The average powerstone sells for about 200 gold pieces.

Powerstones are much sought after because A: Most wizards can themselves only store about 12 power units of mana B: Channeling raw mana ripped from the universe will quickly fuck your shit up C: They can be recharged. It’s not cheap and it takes about a month for every 20 points, but there are wizards who make good money doing it.

There has long been a legend telling of a powerstone the size of a barrel that has at least 3,000 units worth of mana. The legend goes on to say that this powerstone is located in the castle of the Demon King of Demarra, which would explain why it has never been stolen and brought to the surface world.

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The Purple Door Of Freedom

…it lead to a car full of stuff and a map outta town.

365 People, Places & Things #76

Oak Hill is chock full of misfit monsters. Regular monsters hate the misfits and wish to kill them. Why don’t they? The Oak Hill Dragon, that’s why.

AD&D Monsters As Characters: Coriaximal the Dragon

Coriaximal, or Cori to his friends, is a Dragon who lives in a very large cave at the top of the hill from which Oak Hill gets it’s name. He is enormous in size, measuring just over 150 feet from nose to tail. His wingspan is just a bit longer at 158 feet. In addition, Cori is a hybrid dragon, created from the selective breeding of many other types of dragons. As a result, he has all of their strengths, none of their weaknesses and a dazzling selection of breath weapons. Cori was bred up by the Evil Dragons in hopes of creating a sort of “super dragon”. They succeeded, bur Cori doesn’t have an evil bone in his body. He did, however, give the Evil Dragons a severe ass kicking and then he ate three of them.

Several times a day, Cori will fly out and patrol the area around Oak Hill. If he sees a group of evil monsters, he will give them a rather stern warning to leave. Not surprisingly, this works quite well about 99% of the time. The other 1% of the time, Cori eats the evil monsters, unless they are golems, which give him a tummy ache, or slimes, which give him gas.. After several years of patrolling, Cori has made the area around Oak Hill extremely safe.

Although he is still a very young fellow (barely 100 years old), Cori is beginning to feel lonely. Soon, he’ll have to go looking for a mate. He kind of has his eye on a cute little Golden Dragon over near Mount McCaffrey. She is quite beautiful and has given Cori an encouraging smile and wink now and again. Perhaps in the near future, Oak Hill will have the patter of little dragon feet echoing throughout the village.

In his spare time, Cori enjoys letting the village children crawl all over him, decorating his cave with rare gemstones and growing butterberry trees.

The Seriously Twisted, Yet Still Cute, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Peabody Twins

…co-starring her pet margay, Philomena

365 People, Places & Things #75

Oak Hill has a mighty fine sheriff, and he’s not the kind of monster you might expect in that position.

AD&D Monsters As Characters: Rowf the Kobold

Once upon a time, a husband and wife team of human wizards came upon a destroyed kobold village. They found one survivor, a tiny baby kobold no more than a day old. Being kindly and childless folks, they adopted the small quasi-canine being and swore that they would raise him as their son. They gave him a proper kobold name, Rowf, and spare nothing to bring him up properly.

Rowf grew up to be not only a kind and intelligent fellow, but a pretty fair mage. He specialized in fire and earth spells, but knew a fair mix of others as well. Eventually, Rowf left home to seek his fortune in the world. As luck would have it, he found Oak Hill just a 5 day walk away from his parents house. The village was under attack by bandits, but with a few spells and a lot of bravado, Rowf soon had things under control and the bandits in custody. The thankful townsfolk offered him the job of sheriff and, having nothing better to do, he accepted. He has been sheriff for the last 22 years.

Rowf lives in a modest house behind the sheriff’s office/jail with his wife, Lorinda (also a kobold) and their 3 kids. He has a deputy now, in the person of one Enrique the vampire, who naturally works the night shift.

In his spare time, Rowf enjoys fishing, brewing beer and playing poker with his buddies.

Lactating Lucy

…no, really, she is.

365 People, Places & Things #73

Ya know that cranky old neighbor man who always yells at kids who walk past his house? Well, here is Oak Hill’s version of him

AD&D Monsters As Characters: Grug the Goblin

Grug, or “Ol’ Man Grug” as the neighborhood kids like to call him, lives in a modest little house on 120 Ochre Jelly Street. He lives with his wife, Mokli (a very pleasant goblin lady, by all accounts) and their pet blink dog, Blinky. Their four children have all grown up and moved away.

Grug is 5 foot tall, greenish gray skinned and pretty typical of an 89 year old goblin who wears bifocals and pants with suspenders. On a good day, he is a cranky old sod. On a bad day, he is a mean old bastard.

Grug spends most of his time tending his garden (he specialized in roses), mowing his lawn and yelling at any neighbor kids who get within 20 feet of his property. His favorite phrase is “Stay the hell away from here, you little hoodlums!” Sometimes you can find him in the back yard fixing things or picking zapples from his zapple tree, but mostly, he’s out front on Kid Lookout. He has been known to chuck rotten zapples at kids, but his aim suck.

In his spare time (which is generally after dark when the kids are in their homes) Grug enjoys playing checkers, drinking hard zapple cider, talking about “the good old days” and generally being a cantankerous old fart.

Horrible Moon Mice

…they eat your hair while you sleep

365 People, Places & Things #72

Sometimes, a gal just needs to show the guys she can be rough and tough. Sometimes, she needs to act girly. Today’s character does both.

AD&D Monsters As Characters: Bronwyn the Yeti

Bronwyn, or Bronny as her friends like to call her, is Oak Hill’s blacksmith. Given her height of 8’3″ and her enormous strength, blacksmithing is a pretty easy job for her. Of course, she does have to keep her hairy body wet, so as to avoid fires.

Bronny also uses her metalworking skills to create lovely wrought iron artwork. Her work is in high demand and her porch and stair railings are a fixture of all the nicer homes in town.

Actually, her artwork isn’t all that is in high demand. Bronny herself has several suitors, including Ed the Ogre, Dr. Azkorak the Centaur and Lucius the Brownie (gotta give young Lucius an A for effort). So far, when asked about who she fancies most, Bronny just giggles and blushes. She’s really quite a shy young lass.

Bronny shares a house with her best friend, Maxine the Lamia, and Bronny’s pet Dire Wolf, Skippy.

In her spare time, Bronwyn enjoys hiking, dancing, playing with Skippy and sewing.

The King Of The Jungle Was Also The Queen Of The Jungle

…and his treehouse was just faaaaabulous

The above title is based upon a real Halloween situation from the early 80’s.

365 People, Places & Things #71

Here we have another of the classic AD&D monsters and he’s doing a job he loves.

AD&D Monsters As Characters: Ollie the Otyugh

Nobody knows what Ollie did before he came to Oak Hill, but he certainly couldn’t have been a horrible cavern dwelling monster like most Otyughs. Ollie is a very pleasant, if a bit odoriferous, fellow who is always smiling and greeting everyone with a pleasant hello. It is suspected that Ollie might be some mutant strain of Neo-Otyugh, but nobody knows for sure. Whatever he might be, Ollie is a good friend and an upstanding community member.

Once he arrived in Oak Hill, it didn’t take long for Ollie to find his place in the community: down in the cesspool/garbage pit. As Ollie likes to say “What you cast off is my buffet!”. To say that he is happy with his job would be the height of understatement. Ollie can be found in the cesspool most of the time, but he does like to come to the local inn (after a good long shower under the local waterfall) to participate in sing a longs and catch up on local gossip. He also enjoys a good game of checkers with Slim the Slime over at the general store.

In his spare time, Ollie enjoys crocheting, hunting for swamp rats, cooking up those same swamp rats and volunteering for the town watch.

Brains, Breakfast Of Champions!

…well, champion zombies

365 People, Places & Things #70

Hey, kids, it’s AD&D Monsters As Characters Week. All of these monsters live in the village of misfit monsters, Oak Hill. Our first character is the village baker.

AD&D Monsters As Characters: Snord the Bugbear

Snord was always a bit smarter that most of the other bugbears in his tribe. It was this very intelligence that eventually got him kicked out of the tribe and chased into the wilderness. Seems the bugbear boss man knew a potential threat when he saw one. Unfortunately for him, Snord was able to poison his wine just hours before getting chased out of town. Like we said, Snord is smart.

After many days of wandering aimlessly through the wilderness, Snord happened upon the village of Oak Hill. As was their way, the other misfit monsters welcomed him and then gave him a job to do: baker’s apprentice. Snord took to the work and now, 3 years later, has become the village baker. His breads are the envy of other villages and his cakes have been known to make strong beings swoon with delight.

Snord has recently been seen keeping company with Olivia the Troll. They make a cute couple, assuming one uses the loosest possible definition of “cute”.

Snord is 8 feet tall, has tawny brown shaggy fur, long pointed ears and big green eyes. He usually wears a pair of cloth pants and an apron. Both of these are often covered in flour stains.

In his spare time, Snord enjoys fishing, dancing and listening to the Storyteller.