…oh my, it’s armed!
The Doclopedia #409
The Alphabet, Again: F is for… Fingers Of Hell
The Fingers of Hell first appeared on one of the magic based Earths just after a great war had begun. Extending up out of the ground, they were five 1 mile long writing columns of what looked like smoke and magma. From these fingers poured hundreds of man sized demons that proceeded to wreak havoc on all of the armies fighting in the war.
The destruction was terrible and just seeing it drove many soldiers mad. To this day, 300 years later, the written reports on the atrocities committed that day are sealed and locked away to protect anyone from reading them.
Since their initial appearance, the Fingers of Hell have been seen a dozen or so times around the world, almost always at sites of armed conflict. One of the few non-conflict related times was the day the wicked and cruel city of Drohar was reduced to rubble in a matter of hours. Not a single person in the city survived and now, almost nobody will go within 5 miles of the ruins. Among those who do dare to go closer, sightings of huge “things” in the area are commonplace, as are the regularly heard sound of screams.
Scholars and Wizards have many theories about the Fingers of Hell, but perhaps not surprisingly, none of these theories have ever been tested.
The Doclopedia #410
The Alphabet, Again: F is for… Filby, The Happy Marmot
With a name like Filby, The Happy Marmot, you’d think this was some kid oriented series of books. Nothing could be further from the truth. The Filby books, while set in a world of talking animals, are gritty thrillers full of suspense, sex, violence and intrigue. Filby has an average kill rate of 21.5 victims per novel. He has sex, often of the more kinky variety, 4.75 times per book.
There have been 14 novels so far and 5 of them have been made into movies. Rather than try to train real animals, the movies use CGI placed into real locations. All of these movies are rated R.
After The Change Came: Series 2
Sin And The Freakin’ Heart Attack!
OMG! OMG! OM FREAKIN’ G! Grace had the twins early! On purpose! There were injuries and near heart attacks and I broke a nail! O. M. G.!!!
Let me backtrack here and tell you that about 4 months ago, Grace gave all of their family and friends an enchantment on our right hand that would, when labor began, announce that the babies were coming. It also gave us a one way Wizard Portal to their house. Great, fine, the babies were supposed to be born on Valentines Day, so we all figured the hand thing was pretty redundant. We all knew February 14th was the big day.
Which will explain why, when my hand began saying “Sin, wake up, the babies are on the way” in my own voice at 3:15 this morning, I flew out of bed yelling “what the fuck?”. Babe was equally excited and we both sort of ran about aimlessly for a minute of two before I grabbed my robe, picked up Babe, summoned the Portal and stepped trough to Chez Cross.
A fair number of other folks were there already. Avis was in her jammies and telling Daniel to hold an ice pack to the eye that she had elbowed when she came flying up out of a sound sleep. Roscoe, never one for waking up early or suddenly, was limping on a sore paw he got from stepping on a puppy toy. Spike and Mary had bumps where they had banged foreheads. Outside, Doc’s sister Rosie, who is a Giant, had some bruises from tripping over a boulder. Lily looked like she might jump out of her skin, which was covered with a bad case of bed hair.
In less than five minutes, the house and yards were full of people. There were also 9,999 Green women standing in circles around the house, chanting something in what Grace calls Gaiaspeak. The Green Ladies seemed to be the only ones not asking what the hell was going on. Well, that’s not true. The two grandmothers weren’t, having been trough the birth thing many times before.
Doc came out of the birthing room/greenhouse to give us all the straight skinny, which was pretty nice of him what with that black eye, cut lip and sprained ankle he had. Also, Doc right after a sudden and near coronary inducing wake up? Not a pretty sight, my friends.
It turns out that the day before, Grace had decided that the whole planned delivery thing just wasn’t right. Not traditional enough, she figured, so she went into labor at fuck all early in the morning instead.
I love Grace like a sister, but…shit!
Anyway, Ben and Annie, the greatest house elves on earth, appeared with coffee, tea and other beverages that we all gulped down. Then came pastries and other goodies that were suitable for about a dozen races and twenty species. We ate and waited.
After about ten minutes, a few of us were asked to go into the birthing room. The greenhouse is big enough for largish trees, and there in the middle of three of them was Grace on a hammock chair sort of thing looking radiant. No, really, she was glowing green like a 500 watt bulb. She thanked us (Doc, Avis, the grandparents, Lily, Roscoe, a young Green Lady In Waiting and I) and then said “ok, let’s do this!”.
Fastest. Birth. Ever! 4 minutes, 19 seconds from start to finish. The GLIW basically caught the babies and the grandma’s cleaned ’em up and handed them to Doc & Grace.
They are beautiful. BEAUTIFUL! Everyone was crying and congratulating Grace and Doc and looking at the babies and, well, all the usual stuff.
The girl is a Green Lady In Waiting and the boy, like his papa, is a mutant. Purple eyes, sky blue hair and perhaps just a babyish touch of blue skin.
Some minutes of oohing & awwing later, Grace said it was naming time and she called forth the Naming Officials. The male half of the team was Wizard Robotix, no real surprise there, since Grace and Doc have known him for near half a century.
The female half? Oh, she wasn’t A surprise, she was THE surprise. As in, an hour later there was damned little else discussed on the internet here on Earth or out in space.
It was the Faerie Queen! The heretofore never seen, pretty much believed to be mythical FAERIE QUEEN! She was all of 6 inches tall and quite beautiful. She was glowing as brightly as Grace, but in a rainbow manner. You could feel the waves of Faerie magic coming off of her. It was pretty damned cool.
Except for Grace and the Wizard, everybody else was stunned into jaw dropped to the floor silence. Silence that was finally broken by Doc saying “Well slap my ass and call me Spanky”.
SIGH…Doc, you can dress him up, but you can’t take him out.
Greetings were given and then both the Wizard and the FQ gave a short speech, after which names were bestowed.
The boy? William Avy Cross. Yes, middle name from Avis.
The girl? Ginger Sindell Cross. This is me, blubbering like a child.
Then the Wizard and the FQ took Avis and I aside and gave us the twins True Names, which only apply to Wizards, Faeries and the Blessed. Which is what happened next. Wizard blessings, by the way, are pretty funny and a bit goofy, as befits Wizards. Faerie blessings are more majestic and magical and somber.
Once it was all over, there were congratulations, handshakes and Wizard Robotix said “Now let’s party!”
So I’m writing this from some humongous party dome in Wizard Time. There have to be three or four thousand people here, including every Wizard there is. Also hundreds of animals, most, but not all, Smart. And a gazillion Faeries. The viewing/greeting line for the babies is about 300 feet long. Everybody is half tanked and all of our wounds are healed. When this is over, I’m going to sleep for a week. Maybe two.
Welcome to this crazy world, Will and Gin.