This will probably be the last post I’ll do before Grace and I get to Hawaii on Monday afternoon. The laptop is FINALLY back up and running, so it is going with us. Now, I must sleep, but here is a veritable Joeapalooza of entries in the character follies. I hope that y’all enjoy them.
The Doclopedia #54
Average Joes: Joe Wyznowski, Cemetary Custodian
Yeah, I know…creepy job taking care of a cemetary…but hell, the pay is good, I get this nice little cottage to live in and door to door salesmen never come around. Oh sure, we get some vandals every now and then…and there have been a few exhumations by the cops…you know, to help solve crimes…and yeah, every now and then you get a wacko coming on the grounds…but all in all, it beats pumping gas.
The Doclopedia #55
Average Joes: Joe Konk, Security Guard
Uhh, yeah, I’m the only security guard here at the ACME factory. It’s rough work, but what else am I gonna do? Besides, I recover pretty quickly from all of the assaults by thieving toons. Why, I’ve been konked with baseball bats, hit in the face with frying pans, had pianos dropped on my head, been shot, blown up, eaten by a tiger, covered with cement, pounded into the ground by a huge mallet, steamrolled flat, stomped on by elephants and painted pink. And that was just this week!
The Doclopedia #56
Average Joes: Joe Chang, Bathouse Proprietor
Yes, yes…you’ve come to the right place for a bath, sir. For only 50 cents, we’ll fix you up a nice hot bath and give you a bar of fancy French milled soap. Very nice! Oh, that tub on the wall? That’s the tub that the Sunset Kid was in when he was gunned down by Frisco Jim Delany. Oh, yes sir, it was an exciting night here in Virginia City. It all started when the Kid was over at the Silver Dollar Saloon…
The Doclopedia #57
Average Joes: Joe Brown, Tavernkeeper
Here ya go, matey, fresh off the boat from Jamaica today. That there rum’ll put a wind in yer sails fer sure! Oh yeah, it be a tad quiet in here now, but I expect that ’round sundown the ships’ll drop anchor and the Council O’ Captains will start their monthly meetin’. After that, things’ll get hoppin’ or I’ll kiss a barnacle!
The Doclopedia #58
Average Joes: Joe Hinkley, Barber
Me? Hey, I’m just the guy who gives shaves and haircuts. Yeah, I might hear sometin’ interesting now and then…sometimes some interesting mugs come in. Sell information? Me? Now whatever gave you that idea? Oh, Silky Sanchez? Yeah, ok, me an’ Silky go way back. If he sent ya, yer ok with me, brother. That heist over in Glendale? I might have heard somethin’. Why, hello, President Jackson!
The Doclopedia #59
Average Joes: Joe Babbage, Steambus Engineer
Yep, sonny, I’ve been running this old girl from the Bay Bridge to Daly City for the better part of 7 years now and you’ll not find a more reliable Steambus in all of the Bay Area! Why, even when they were installing the new zeppelin port, I kept this bus on time! Clockwork cabbies? Ha! I’ve seen them and I wasn’t impressed. No, the bus is still your best bet.
The Doclopedia #60
Average Joes: Joe Lucas, Droid Repairman
Man, that is one banged up K5 unit you’ve got there. What happened to him? Did a Wookie play kickball with him? Yeah, sure, I’ll fix him up,
unless you’d rather have a refurbished F9 or may a p2. Nope, don’t carry the R units anymore. Way too much damned trouble, those droids.
The Doclopedia #61
Average Joes: Joe Lee, Hot Dog Cart Operator
The Food Network? Yer kiddin’, right? Yer not? Oh wow, wait’ll Muriel hears about this! My regulars? Well, Spidey, he likes a brat with mustard and relish. Batman? He’s a chili dog kinda guy…usually stops by early in the morning…great tipper, too. For Wolverine, I stock these habanero dogs. The Joker? Well, he likes the foot longs with lotsa kraut and…
The Doclopedia #62
Average Joes: Joe Standing Elk, Fishing Guide
Oh yes, my family has been fishing the Thames and it’s tributaries since about 1320…not long after we conquered Britain. Of course, some of my grandfathers (the Cherokees on my mother’s side) went on to fight the war in Austria, where they eventually settled. In fact, I have an Austrian cousin who works on a reservation near Rome. He tries his best to keep the white people healthy and sober, but it’s an uphill battle. Now let me show you this sweet new rod & reel we just got in…
The Doclopedia #63
Average Joes: Joe Kolchak, Cab Driver
I’m tellin’ ya, Eddie, ya see some friggin’ strange shit on the late shift. The other night, I get commandeered by this FBI agent who tells me to follw some guy who’s on foot…and the guy outruns us! And then there was last Thursday, when I pick up this chick who got into my hack with blonde hair, a really big rack and blue eyes…but when she gets out, she has grey eyes, short black punky hair and hardly any tits! I swear, some nights I wonder if I ain’t drivin’ in the Twilight Zone.