Milk For The Mongoose

…for his cornflakes

The Doclopedia #1,168

Murder By…: Books

“Yes, YES, I killed her! I admit it and I’m glad I did she’s dead! It was always “I’m reading blah blah blah” or “So and so is doing a book signing” or “I’ve preordered such and such titles”. All she ever talked about were friggin’ books! 24/7 it was books, books BOOKS! It drove me mad, I tell you! MAD! Hahahahaha!

But I fixed her, yes I did! It was genius! I knew she’d be looking for the next book in her latest series soon, so I used it as the bait in my clever trap. She had thousands of books in that spare room, all stacked up from floor to ceiling. It took me three days to get them all stacked just exactly right. I made sure to put the largest and heaviest on top. Oh, it was a work of art, my trap!

Once it was set, all she had to do was pull out that one book and the rest would collapse on top of her! Even if she didn’t die instantly, she’d be covered up and crushed. Meanwhile, the day before she finished the book, I went out of town on a “business trip”. I was 300 miles away when she died! When I found out she was killed instantly, I was a bit disappointed. But I was FREE! Free of her constant yammering on about books! Hahahahaha!

But I didn’t know she had installed micro cameras all over the house because she was afraid of book thieves. Who the hell worries about book thieves? Oh, of course, SHE DID!

Advertisements

Crazy Dogs, Criminal Cats, Dancing Goats And Befuddled Humans

…on the Magic Bus

 

The Doclopedia #1,118

A Child’s Book Of…: Necromancy

From the introduction: “Hello, child! If you have found this book, it means that you are VERY SPECIAL. Do you know what makes you special? Why, it’s your ability to do MAGIC! You are not like other people, oh no. You are MUCH BETTER than they are!

This book was especially written for somebody like you. If you study it, you will learn how to do some VERY SPECIAL things, like bring dead pets and friends back to life or make bad people die and become your ZOMBIE SLAVES. Wouldn’t that be fun?

This book will teach you how to do many interesting spells. You’ll learn RITUALS, POTION MAKING and ENCHANTMENT. This will let you do things that your friends and family will think are AMAZING. By the time you have studied the first twelve chapters, you will be a POWERFUL NECROMANCER.

The thirteenth chapter is called THE RITUAL OF RECALLING A LICH and you will use it to recall me, Dranill Woxinon, from a terrible place called the OUTER DARKNESS. After that, we will be the best of FRIENDS! Won’t that be nice?

Now, you must remember to hide this book from your family and friends. They would become jealous of you and try to take it away. Hide the book well, and soon we will start teaching you your first spell, ANIMATE SKELETON.”

Doomraiders Of The Purple Planet!

…a new Republic serial

The Doclopedia #1,117

A Child’s Book Of…: SCIENCE!

This wonderful book will introduce boys and girls age 6 and up to the wonders of our Modern Age. Newly revised for 1910, it now covers the great inventions powered by steam, internal combustion, electricity, chemistry and the newly discovered etheric energy of the cosmos. Children will learn about airships, automatons, computing engines and a host of other discoveries. The text is written in such a way as to appeal to both children and adults. Many line drawings and photographs are included, as are schematics for building simple devices. A new section on discoveries in biology will allow children to understand the wonders of nature and how Man has improved on some of them. 250 pages. Price: $1.10

Doc Tempest VS The Princess Of Death

…from the December, 1955 issue

 

The Doclopedia #1,110

The Alphabet: T is for…

 

Trout Pudding…

…(with or without herring sauce) has been a very popular dessert dish on CatEarth for over 300 years. Basically a vanilla pudding with finely chopped raw trout and a mix of small rodent parts, most humans would find it revolting, but most dogs would scarf it right down.

There are countless variations of Trout Pudding, with most families changing the recipe as they see fit. One of the more popular variations adds very tiny live frogs. Another calls for various insects to be sprinkled on top just before serving.

The Doclopedia #1,111

The Alphabet: U is for…

Uxonger & Sons…

…are the premiere booksellers of Adelaide, Australia. Their store is huge, roughly the size of an American Wal Mart, and packed with books, magazines, maps, photographs, pamphlets, comic books and newspapers. In addition to the main store, they also maintain two warehouses a few miles away. These are just as packed as the store is.

Alfred Uxonger prides himself on the fact that not only does his store have rare books found nowhere else, but everything in the store is listed by subject to a minute degree of detail. If you need a book on albino Red Tailed Hawks found in the Fresno, California, area between the years 1923-1933, it will be prominently listed on the shelf. Fortunately, Mr. Uxonger has a very up to date listing of every book in the story, cross referenced in about 100 ways or more. Naturally, book buyers are crazy about this.

Once in a while, you can find a book, etc, that does not come from the same reality that Uxonger & Sons inhabits. These books can range from amusing (Jeeves and the Batman) to very strange (An Anatomists Illustrated Book Of Trolls) to world changing (Do It Yourself Fusion Power). Bibliophiles often spend weeks searching for one of these strange texts.

Uxonger & Sons are open from 8:00 am until 10:00 pm Sunday through Saturday and from 8:00 am until midnight Friday & Saturday.

Mashed Potato Birthday Cake

…with yummies inside

Today is Winker’s 6th Birthday! She will be getting the above mentioned cake for dinner, plus lots of love and bellyrubs.

Thanks to everyone who took the last poll. I’m shooting for the end of January as a launch date for the E-zine.

Grace is off to Oakland to do mystery shops today. I’ll be off to the UVB Barbecue for Middle Aged Gamers later, then to work.

I’m halfway through watching Season One of Sanctuary. It’s a pretty good show, for s Sci Fi Channel series. (note that I do not call it Syfy, mostly because that is an idiotic name)

I’m also within 10 pages of finishing The Two Towers. I’m glad I decided to re-read LOTR.

Ok…time for the Mug O’ Tea. More bloggage later.

The Girl With The Green Nipples Strikes Back

…with body paint

Stuff

1: Halfway through the newest Harry Dresden novel Turn Coat and it’s more solid goodness featuring Chicago’s only wizard for hire.

2: I am really truly sick to death of hearing about that fucking freak, Michael Jackson.

3: Congratulations to Ken Hite for winning an Origins Award for his book, Tour de Lovecraft: The Tales.

4: Hey, remember Walter, whom you voted about super powering? Well, tomorrow, I’ll tell you why the power that won actually gave him more than one power.

More blogging soon.

Mr. Porkwaffle Climbs A Bubblegum Tree

…and ends up a pink sticky mess

HEY! You Dungeon Delving players who have not responded to the last turn had better get with it pronto! I’m very nearly ready to set the rabid opossums on ye!

In other news…

My garden looks verra verra nice. I transplanted the last of the corn seedlings yesterday. I also moved a yellow butterfly bush to a new & better location (right next to the hugeass purple butterfly bush) and planted some daylilies nearby. Oh, and if anyone in the Sacramento area wants to grow some garlic in their garden, I have plenty to give away.

In literary news…

I finished The Lies of Locke Lamora and highly recommend it to anyone who likes a good caper tale set in a mostly fantasy, but with a slight sci-fi element, variation of late medieval Venice. I shall very soon read the next book in the (proposed) series.

In roleplaying news…

After a long dry spell due to the Mystery Shopping Death March, my main group and I shall meet up again on the 28th of this month to resume our bi-weekly fantasy series. This is good, as I am sorely in need of doing my Gamemasterly thing.

Gotta walk The Girls. More bloggage later.