…for his cornflakes
The Doclopedia #1,168
Murder By…: Books
“Yes, YES, I killed her! I admit it and I’m glad I did she’s dead! It was always “I’m reading blah blah blah” or “So and so is doing a book signing” or “I’ve preordered such and such titles”. All she ever talked about were friggin’ books! 24/7 it was books, books BOOKS! It drove me mad, I tell you! MAD! Hahahahaha!
But I fixed her, yes I did! It was genius! I knew she’d be looking for the next book in her latest series soon, so I used it as the bait in my clever trap. She had thousands of books in that spare room, all stacked up from floor to ceiling. It took me three days to get them all stacked just exactly right. I made sure to put the largest and heaviest on top. Oh, it was a work of art, my trap!
Once it was set, all she had to do was pull out that one book and the rest would collapse on top of her! Even if she didn’t die instantly, she’d be covered up and crushed. Meanwhile, the day before she finished the book, I went out of town on a “business trip”. I was 300 miles away when she died! When I found out she was killed instantly, I was a bit disappointed. But I was FREE! Free of her constant yammering on about books! Hahahahaha!
But I didn’t know she had installed micro cameras all over the house because she was afraid of book thieves. Who the hell worries about book thieves? Oh, of course, SHE DID!