Mr. Porkwaffle Tries To Climb A Tree

…with very humorous results

 

CritterCon 10

Day Two

So last night, after watching two movies from Earth 1-D (Fall of a Jedi Knight: A Star Wars Story and Tarzan and the Jewels of Opar), most of us sat around talking until just after one in the morning. This explains why we all slept in until about 8 this morning and didn’t finish breakfast until 10.

(Silky: I crashed about 11:30. I’m getting too old for staying up late.)

(Sasha: I had to go check on some experiments and damned if I didn’t fall asleep in the lab.)

We had been north of Santa Cruz and only had to drive about three miles to the Hippie Museum, which, while not advertised as World Famous, damn well should be. Also, there is no force on Earth that could have kept Spike and Mary out of there.

(Daisy: I can’t think of a better roadside attraction for Auntie Mary & Uncle Spike. Or Silky and Daddy, for that matter.)


The entry fee to this hippie owned and operated establishment is either whatever cash you want to donate or canned food for the local food bank. Since our pantry is roughly the size of a WalMart, we donated a literal ton of food. Not only did this get us into the museum, it got us free t-shirts, free bumper stickers and hugs from the staff.

(Roxy: I thought those people were gonna poop!)

(Leon: They offered Uncle Doc & Uncle Spike some weed, too.)

The museum is chock full of photos, film, videos, writings, posters, clothing and other memorabilia of the late 60s to mid 70s. It was a real blast from the past, even for our younger members.

(Max: Man, I thought humans dressed strangely nowadays, but that’s nothing compared to the hippie attire.)

We spent over two hours there, and liked it so much we gave them another ton of food and bought a bunch more t-shirts and 9 bandanas.

(Leon: One of the ladies tried to give Uncle Doc a plate full of brownies, but he begged off citing a mass diet.)

Santa Cruz being what it is, our next stop was a mere mile away and the Human Roadside Zoo. Part theater, part fundraiser, this is another place that asks only for donations. When we got out of the bus, we saw several right wing groups protesting the place, so we knew we were going to like it, being a big old bus load of liberals. Confrontation was inevitable, I suppose.

(Daisy: Oh, Daddy, you live for shit like this.)

It seems the righties didn’t like how some of their ilk were being portrayed inside. They also didn’t like the big security guards inside, so that’s why the 15 or so of them were out on the sidewalk.

(Silky: So much for the courage of their convictions.)
(Leon: I’d say most of them had convictions for DUI.)

One dickhead in a MAGA hat and NRA t-shirt tried to stand in Grace’s way. This did not sit well with Daisy and when they guy started yelling at Grace about “UnAmerican Liberals”, Daisy told him to shut the fuck up and get out of the way. He turned toward her and poked her in the chest with his finger. He managed to get the words “Listen, little girl” out before 5’2” Daisy jumped up and kicked him square in the face, stretching him out on the pavement. Some woman, probably his wife, came at Daisy from behind and got an elbow in her plentiful stomach before getting slapped about 6 times.

(Roxy: Daisy is my hero!)

(Daisy: Do NOT mess with me or my family.)

Some young guy in neo-nazi attire looked like he might be going for a gun, so I sorta punched him in the throat. Twice. Turns out he was just going for a cell phone, probably to record the nasty old antifa hippies. My bad. I tossed his phone under the tire of a truck driving by.

(Sasha: You just know Daddy wanted to curbstomp that asshole, but the cops were coming.)

To avoid explaining things to the cops, Sasha neuralized the righties to start fighting each other. I reckon all of them got arrested.

(Sasha: Yeah, and I had every one of them assault a cop, too, for extra charges.)


The Human Zoo itself was interesting, with all of the stereotypes represented. You could see how the Trumpistas would have not liked many of them. We donated $50.00 as we were leaving. Outside, all the cops & protesters were gone.

By now it was after 1:30, so we all chowed down at a hotdog place, then wandered around downtown Santa Cruz for about an hour. Around 3:30, we got on the bus and drove about 10 miles to the Giant Jesus of The Coast.

(Luke: Dad was so excited!)

(Silky: Auntie Mary was pretty excited, too. I think Dad has got her hooked on Giant Jesuses.)

On the D. Cross Giant Jesus Rating Scale, this one rated as follows.

Size: 3 It was about 80 feet tall.

Climbability: 3, since you could only go up an outside stairway to a small deck encircling his waist.

Appearance: 8 Very lifelike looking, but with a bit of paint chipping due to the salt air.

Pose: 5 Pretty much your standard arms outspread to embrace the faithful pose

(Luke: I think Dad would faint if he found a Giant Jesus playing air guitar.)

Religiosity: 10 There was a small bible store at the base and about a dozen religious folks milling about there and up on the deck, ready to save souls.

All told, not a bad Giant Jesus, but not the best by along shot.

(Max: But he still took 35 pictures of it.)

It now being near 5 pm, we decided to take the bus to a campground down by Castroville, where we had a fine dinner prepared by Julia, then rested a bit before going to the Slide Room and trying out the new Slide Racing option. It was big fun, but after about an hour, everyone was pretty much tuckered out.

(Daisy: You’d be surprised how tied you get sliding around on your ass in the water at speeds up to 75 mph.)

So now it’s 11:00 and I’m heading to bed. More trip reportage tomorrow.

 

Destination Sign When We Started: Westeros
Destination Sign When We Stopped: Toad Hall

QM Radio Station: Alt. Country Meets Alt. Rock

War Muffins

…they BOOM when you eat them.

(Note: Part Two will go up tomorrow along with the Day 3 entry)

CritterCon 10

Day One, Part One

Hi folks! It is now 2:30 in the afternoon, we have just finished lunch and some spirited rounds of various card games (Sentinels of the Multiverse, Sushi Go, Dominion).

(Daisy: I OWNED Max, Uncle Spike, Auntie Avy and Daddy at Dominion!)


We are leaving Half Moon Bay now, heading south toward our next stop along the coast.

Our day began officially at 7:30 with breakfast at The Santa Rosa Diner, where we all chowed down good & proper.

(Luke: And by “good & proper”, Dad means “at too much”.)
(Silky: It’s a great eatery though. They cook up eggs and ground beef for dogs.)
(Roxy: And kippered herring & eggs for cats!)

Around 8:30, we got back on the bus and drove 4 miles south to the World Famous Giant Maze Garden. As we have said many times in past reports, anything that proclaims itself World Famous is a must stop and this place is actually world famous. They had pix of folks from all over the world who have visited.

(Sasha: They had pictures of Lassie and Roy Rogers’ dog, Bullet.)

Entering the actual maze will set you back $10.00 each if you are human. Dogs & cats on leashes can enter for free.

(Leon: As well we should!)

(Luke: Damned straight!)

The maze is big and the very tight, very dense hedges are all about 12 feet tall. Sound from the other side of the hedge is almost inaudible. Covering 24 acres, the average unassisted time to get out of the maze is 90 minutes. If you need help, there are call boxes at every turn and intersection. The paths are about 8 feet wide. Every so often, the maze opens into a small and beautiful garden.

(Max: They had catnip in the little herb garden and Leon and Roxy got high as kites.)
(Leon: That was wicked strong ‘nip!)

(Daisy: Auntie Ginie had to carry Roxy for a while because she was too stoned to walk properly.)


Naturally, we spent much of our 1 hour, 5 minutes in the maze discussing how great it would be for a dungeon crawl LARP. When we exited it, we all agreed it was worth the ten bucks. Amazingly, they had a gift shop selling t-shirts, fridge magnets and other stuff. Longtime readers know what happened there.

(Sasha: We own so many fridge magnets, Daddy has put sheet steel on the kitchen walls to hold them all. The fridge was fully covered by 2013.)


Our next stop was about 25 minutes down the highway at Mousetown, USA. If you guessed that this was the work of a guy and his wife with WAY too much time & money, you guessed right.

Housed in a big steel barn, Mouseville is indeed a mouse sized town hand built by Lou and Kathy Corrigan. They started it in 1982 and it now measures 12 feet wide by 90 feet long. Originally built to house actual live mice, they proved to be too destructive, stinky and predator attracting, so now it is home to 562 plastic toy mice, including several variants of Mickey & Minnie.

(Leon: Even years later, one can still detect the delicious scent of mouse on the hoof.)


Like most of these sort of places, it was cheap to visit and a quick tour. See one tiny town, you’ve seen them all.

(Sasha: One might say the same about Giant Jesus statues, to no avail.)

(Silky: Yeah, you’ll never end Dad’s obsession with that.)


About a half hour later, we reached San Francisco and our third stop, Robotica. Now this was a cool place to visit, being a big former grocery store (Daisy: It used to be a Ralph’s.) re-purposed to show off a few hundred robots, from the very tiny to one the size of a car.

Amazingly, entry is free, although if the parking lot is full (it will be), parking across the street is $10.00.

(Sasha: Fortunately, once we all disembarked sweetie, we sent her to an early Sunday morning in 1975 when the Ralph’s parking lot was near empty.)

This place is hella cool! The robots doo everything from mimic ant behavior to actually play rock riffs on a Fender Stratocaster. There are plenty of helpful young geeks to explain things to you and a couple actually recognized spike and I by our names, asking “Are you Doc Cross and Spike Y Jones?” From there we moved into about 20 minutes of gaming talk, which ended with Spousal Staring.

(Sasha: Those robots were pretty cute and some were cutting edge for current human science. Still, I would have loved to have shown them a SmartBot.)

We spent an hour at Robotica, leaving just after noon. We jammed down the coast at speeds not usually capable for a bus. (Max: 150 miles an hour! Of course, the Bus was shapeshifted into a Ferrari.) We arrived in Half Moon Bay for a fine lunch at a local burger joint.

And that catches you all up on our day so far. More bloggage later

(Roxy: What happened to all those police cars and helicopters that were chasing us.)
(Sasha: Mass neuralization. I sent them off after a drunk driver.)

Destination Sign When We Started: Green Mars
Destination Sign When We Stopped: Kadath

QM Radio Station: RoboRomance. Songs for young robots in love.

Terror Of The Crocodile Women

…it was double billed with The Walking Slime

Amnesia & Magic

Part Thirteen

Ham, eggs, home fries & toast, I’m looking at you with love in my heart. It’s a big breakfast, but I’m up to it. Dak is plowing through a plate of sausages and eggs, so we aren’t talking too much. The only time we stop eating is to gulp down hot coffee or milk.

After a couple of minutes, I check out the other patrons of this diner. For the most part, they’re just ordinary working folk with a few travelers mixed in. Nobody gives us a second look and that makes me feel good.

Just as I’m paying the check, two mugs walk in that set off all of my alarms. They’re dressed like loggers, but what logger sports a $5.00 haircut and manicured nails? Nope, these boys are hired muscle and from their overall demeanor, I’m thinking they know their job damned well. They look at Dak & I, but the more intelligent looking of the two gets a puzzled look on his face. That means we don’t look like we should. I can’t quite figure that out. I mean, I drank the potion and I’m wearing the ring, not Dak. How can we both look different?

See, that’s me all over, trying to look a gift horse in the mouth.

As we leave the place, I see Honey reflected in the window of a store, only the car I see is not a Hudson and sure isn’t black & yellow. Whatever Magic is at work, it’s covering Honey, too.

As we get in the car, I take a second to look at our reflections in that window. I’m a middle aged white woman about four inches shorter and fifty pounds heavier than reality. My hair is red with gray and I’m wearing a homemade dress. Dak looks like a cute 12 year old girl. I decide not to mention that to him. I have three brothers and I know how 12 year old boys would react to looking like 12 year old girls. Actually, that probably applies to most guys of any age, come to think of it.

We get about five miles out of town when my spirit guide, looking like a white jackrabbit, lets me know that I need to turn off of the highway. I do it and now we’re heading down a narrow two lane road running through the forest. I have no idea where we are or where this road comes out.

Dak starts telling me an old Elvish legend about the first time Elves appeared in our world. It seems that there is another world, just like ours, but without humans. One day, a crazy Elf Wizard tells everybody in his village that there is another world without Magic or Elves or magical creatures. Nobody believes him, so he goes off to learn more. Then he comes back many months later that says the two worlds are sisters who have not seen each other since before Elves walked the earth. Again, nobody believes him, so he goes off again and learns even more. When he returns the third time, he doesn’t say anything, but casts a very powerful spell that causes the Two Sister Worlds to blend together just a bit. This happens every so often, usually when Elves and Humans forget about each other.

I tell him that’s a good story and I’m about to tell him one of the many Native People’s versions of it, when my spirit guide, looking like a white moose, blocks the road and nods towards the road behind us. I turn to look.

Oh shit!

The Rare And Beautiful Varigated Marching Roses Of Potawango Island

…the march in perfect ranks

We interrupt our regularly scheduled fictional con trip report for this special message…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SWEET ANGEL, GRACE! YOU GET BETTER EVERY YEAR, BABY!

And now, back to the report…

CatCon2: The Trip There, Day 4, Part One

(NOTE: The following is all fictional.)

Those of you who possess keen powers of observation will have noticed that there was no “Part Two” to yesterdays posting. That would be because we proceeded from the bear encounter area to Colorado Springs (about 150 miles away) where we spent the night.

Then it was up at 4:00 am for me so I could begin the longass drive to this evenings destination, Big Spring, Texas. Armed with a huge mug of hot tea and the bracing effects of a cold shower, we set off. By “we”, I mean “me”, cos all of the females were asleep until about an hour ago. Now, they are all asking for breakfast. Well, ok, not the dogs. They’ve had two breakfasts already.

Lunch is scheduled for the Big Texan steakhouse in Amarillo. Yum Yum!

Destination Sign reading when we started: Vulcan Science Academy

Destination Sign reading now: Skull Island

Wildlife Sighted: Jackrabbits, a roadrunner, ground squirrels, several hawks and a deer.

More bloggage later.

Modern Slimes

…in designer colors

CatCon2: The Trip There, Day 2, Part One

(NOTE: The following is all fictional.)

Thanks to our canine alarm clocks, I was up at 7:00 am to give them their second breakfast Grace having given them their first breakfast and walkies at 4:00 am. Since I was up anyway, I went and showered, then started cooking the human brekky. Sausage, eggs, toast, jelly, hot caffienated beverages…all were consumed with gusto, once Grace and Sharon rolled outta bed.

After a bit of driving we took a slow cruise through several towns that have big dinosaur sculptures (cos we were very near Dinosaur National Monument), some of which are rather far from realistic. After that, we drove to our present location, the above mentioned National Monument. Sadly, there are no real dinosaurs here, but the fossil viewing is great.

Anyway, we are about to wander off to look at old bones, so the next post will come later today, when we are further into Colorado and, indeed, high up in the Rockies.

Wildlife Sighted: A deer, 7 ducks, 3 squirrels and a pheasant.