A Mink On The Brink Begins To Drink And Think

…and yes, stink.

CatCon 8

Day 12: In which we head home, but only after hitting a brand new roadside attraction.

So, we interrupted out trip home (actually, our trip to Spike & Mary’s) with a stop at the, you guessed it, World Famous Sex Toy Museum. As museums go, this one is both fascinating and a bit repetitive. I mean, you see one dildo, you’ve seen them all, right? Well, except for the one from ancient Egypt and the solid gold one and the one that looked less like a dick and more like a snake.

One thing you learn is that not only has vibrator technology improved, but sex toy technology in general has improved. One look at a blow up sex doll from 1980 next to one from today will prove that.

So we bought the t-shirts and stuff and took pictures standing next to the 30 FOOT TALL DILDO in the lobby. Quite a way to remember our visit.

After we took Spike & Mary home, we started back toward California. About 10 minutes later, Avis popped out of our universe and we used some gadget of Sasha’s to send Leon home.

(Sasha: It was a goddamn TELEPORTER, Daddy! You knew that. “Gadget”…HRUMPH!”)

We are all home now and relaxing, another trip to Critter City on the books. We hope you enjoyed this years report, even if it was a bit shorter than in past years.

Doc out.

CatCon 8 is over

but the Cross Family & Friends will be back next year for…

DogCon 9

The Almost Certainly True, But Still Damned Hard To Believe, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Singing Dugongs

…co-starring her mom, Mostly Green Josephine

CatCon 8

Day 11, Con Day 4: It’s all about the pie!

The convention is almost over and, as we do every year, we had big fun. Last night’s Old Time Radio shows went of without a hitch and were very well received. Next year, the con staff wants to do Old Time Radio broadcasts all 4 days of the con, from noon to midnight. AND, they want to do a different decade every day. I volunteered to do a late 60’s freeform FM show.

(Silky: I’m looking forward to that.)

As we do every year, Spike & I (this year joined by Peter, Brian and 4 others) took part in the two hour “Ask A GM ANYTHING event. This year was another treasure trove of questions ranging from goofy to well thought out. Most fun question? “Can you read from a rulebook like a preacher reads from the Bible?” We used the first edition AD&D books, mostly quoting Gary Gygax at his most verbose and, dare I say, preachy. I gave my reading a real old fashioned fire & brimstone treatment.

(Daisy: Daddy got several “Amens” and even healed three people of their addiction to house rules.)

We also did the “I Love It/I Hate It” event. As one might expect with a room full of over 500 geeks, there was a wide variety of things to hate or love.

And now, Gentle Readers, we are about to head into the Post-Con Cooldown Party, which many of you will remember is a huge pie eating festival. This year, they have 50 different kinds of pie. Since we have an ever full ice creal locker, we supplied 50 kinds of ice cream. I predict many full tummies.

(Sasha: One of which will be mine.)

After going comatose from pie eating, we will get on the bus and head to the “Oklatexas RV Park”, up on the state line. Tomorrow, everyone goes home and this trip is a wrap.

Blog ya later, alligators!

The Pastry Goblins Attack The Ice Cream Dwarves!

…it’s war!

CatCon 8

Day 10, Con Day 3: It’s all about the Old Time Radio!

Very quick report today, kids!

Breakfast: Ate at Mistress Diana’s Breakfast Dungeon. Great food and the décor is quite eye opening.

(Daisy: WOAH! WTF?)

(Leon: And humans laugh at us because we lick our butts?)


Seminars: Went to two. Sasha went to one. Daisy moderated one on “Gming for a Human Group”

(Daisy: I had a full house for mine!)


Games: I played in one, Sasha in one, Silky in three, Daisy in two.

(Silky: To be fair, mine were all short demos.)


Other Fun: The girls and Sadie & Leon are going to the Pets Only Amusement Park tonight.

(Daisy: Sasha has a date with a foxhound!)


Lunch: Hot Dogs from Ed’s Big Weenie

(Silky: Mom & Auntie Mary giggled the whole time.)

Buying: Too much to list.

(Sasha: Because you know we don’t own enough games already.)

(Silky: Says the dog that owns 8 Cadillacs.)

Rehearsing: TWO Old Time Radio shows. “The Adventures of Doc Mystery” and “At Home With The Geekmans”

Dinner: Ate with a big group at Taco The Town.

(Leon: Fish tacos = love.)

Leaving now for the big broadcast. Afterward, it’s the Game & Dance Party.

More blog-o-rama tomorrow.

Bucky & Squint Take A Goose To The Movies

…not their best idea

CatCon 8

Day 9, Con Day 2: It’s all about the warm mud!

This morning, a great number of us had breakfast at Waffles From Outer Space!, which I may have mentioned in the past has BACON & BUTTER FLAVORED SYRUP.

(Sasha: Every year, Daddy buys a 5 gallon jug of it to take home. It seldom lasts beyond January.)

After loading up on some crazy good waffles, we all went off to do various con stuff until it was time to meet up for out annual outing to the Mud In Your Eye Spa.

This year our group of spa goers numbered 20 and with the exception of Leon, we all slid into our tubs of warm mud.

(Leon: HELL NO! You humans & dogs have lost your damned minds.)

As always, laying in very warm mud for 45 minutes drinking mimosas is pretty darned relaxing. We chatted about all sorts of things, including the 24 hour Killer Dungeon that started at 10:00 am.

(Silky: I was so relaxed, I dozed off.)

(Daisy: So did Mom, Auntie Avis and Uncle Peter.)

After the mud soak came the massages and we all pretty much fell asleep. When we were awakened, we got dressed and, relaxed and full of energy, hit the con again.

(Silky: Mom, Sasha, Auntie Holly & I walked around the Dealer’s room.)

(Sasha: Notice how nobody called me Doctor Octopus?)

(Silky: Well duh! After you slapped that 350 pound, 6’2” guy around yesterday, they all fear you.)

(Sasha: Mmmm…tasty human fear!)

Spike, Brian, Peter & I had a seminar panel (Alarums & Excursions: The Monthly History of Roleplaying) to be on. Avis & Mary sat in the audience, which was pretty big.

(Daisy: Leon & I went to play in the Dogs & Cats Team Up For Charity arena game.)

(Leon: We played a Barbarian Swordsbitch and Wizcat!)

(Daisy: We finished second. A Doberman and a Tonkinese won the event.)

(Leon: $4,600 raised for the SPCA, baby!)

Later, we all had dinner at Chez Mom’s. I ate about half of a large meatloaf. Grace had a slab of catfish filet that was bigger than Daisy.

(Sasha: I am SO FULL!)

(Leon: Yeah, full of…)

(Sasha: I will skin you out and make a rug out of you, catboy!)

(Leon: GULP!)

Now it’s time to go play in that killer dungeon, then go to the Midnight Dance & Ice Cream Social.

More thrilling stories tomorrow.

To Grill A Mockingbird

…first, get your grill nice and clean

CatCon 8

Day 8, Con Day 1: It’s all about the LARPing!

Note: For info on the new names that appear below, see previous con reports.

On top of the gaming, seminars (two for me, three for Spike), GMing (me, Brian, Peter, Daisy),

(Daisy: I ran a dogs only Paranoia game. It was hilarious.)

eating (Pancaketown, Big Slabs O’ Meat, Ring of Fire)

(Sasha: I love Big Slabs O’ Meat! I want to live there.)

(Sadie: Oh yeah, love that meaty goodness!)

and other frivolity, we joined about 200 other folks, human & otherwise, for a village adventure LARP entitled “The Secret of Winkleville”. We all played villagers, with the exception of myself, Avis, Silky and a goat named Reggie, who played agents of the King. Unbeknownst to us, Grace, one other woman, a cat and a pig were playing agents of the Queen.

(Sasha: I played Sookie Fullbottom, a halfling artist.)

(Daisy: I was Wurfee, the ghost hound. I pretty much scared the crap out of everybody.)

(Leon: I was Rudolfo, the wizard’s familiar.)

(Sadie: I played Mrs. Junkins, a cranky old woman.)


It was a fun three hour LARP and mysteries were solved, love was declared, evildoers were vanquished and a Belgian Malinois was elected mayor. I should also add that at one point, the agents of the King & Queen got into a duel. Grace was about to run me through with her sword when we all sighted our mutual enemy, Baron Thugg and gave chase. We eventually caught him and hauled him off to jail.

(Daisy: Mom is still giggling about beating daddy in a sword fight.)

After the LARP, we all went off to do other stuff. Right now, we are resting up before attending the First Annual CatCon Film Festival.

More bloggage tomorrow.

White Drunks On Pope

…Irish Catholics, no doubt

CatCon 8

Day 7, Con Day 0: It’s all about the goodie bag!

We arrived in Critter City about 10 am this morning, after stopping for a hearty breakfast at Chuckwagon Jim’s, a pretty darned good place to eat.

(Silky: Biscuits & gravy for dogs!)

(Leon: Fried catfish for me!)


Our rooms were ready for us at the Hilton, so we were able to unpack and get set up in record time. After that, we started off for the convention center to get our badges and goodie bags.

When we saw the con center, we all stopped dead in our tracks. There, above the entrance, was a big mural depicting Lulu (back when she was still Lucy) & Flash winning the big Dog Race. Under it were the words “Goodbye, Lucy/Lulu & Flash. We will miss you.” Several of us cried.

(Daisy: It was beautiful!)

(Sasha: I bawled like a puppy.)

Once we composed ourselves, we went in and got our stuff, then went over to Mink’s Cold Drinks (run by Ed & Georgia Mink) for refreshments and to check out the swag. The inventory was…

A great looking con t-shirt

(Silky: I got a red one.)

(Daisy: Mine was orange.)

The con book, which looked like a 1930’s Popular Mechanics magazine

A deck of “Muskrats: The Gathering” cards

Coupons for many businesses in town and in the dealer’s room.

(Sasha: Including one for dinner at Chez Mom’s! Yum!)

A comic book about the adventures of Captain CatCon

A miniature. Mine was a pig wizard.

(Daisy: I got a rabbit barbarian.)

A snack box containing a chocolate chip cookie, a bag of M&Ms, a bag of Critter City Chili & Lime potato chips.

(Daisy: The snacks were different for critters. Venison chews! YUM!)

A “Make The GM Re-Roll Once” ticket, usable in any game at the con.

(Daisy: I predict these will see much use.)

Assorted fliers for Various old & new games

A token for one free beer (human or animal approved) at Moses & Jeff’s Texas Brewpub.

(Leon: Non-alcoholic beer for cats? A Sadine IPA? I’m in!)

A small booklet of photos from the previous seven cons.

(Silky: Lots of pics of us and those no longer with us. Very nice.

While we sat and checked that stuff out, many friends found us. We made dinner arrangements to all meet up at Thai One On! For dinner.

Now we’re all heading back to our rooms for a short nap and then some goofing off before dinner.

More blogging tomorrow

Luis Gato And His All Cat Mariachi Band

…they were pretty good for, you know, being cats

CatCon 8

Day 6: In which we travel through a jungle in North Dakota, then pretty much kill a joke in Fargo

A quick introduction for today’s stop on our trip: The World Famous Amazon Jungle Of The North.

The short story on this one is that Eric Gunderson, son of a very wealthy railroad baron, inherited lots of money in 1924 and went on a world tour of the great wilderness areas. Apparently, old Eric fell in love with the Amazon rain forests and decided to replicate them back home in North Dakota.

(Sasha: North Dakota used to smell like farms. Now it smells like natural gas wells.)

By 1928, he had built four connected buildings totaling 300,000 square feet and containing a real rain forest full of Brazilian plants & animals. It now covers 4.75 million square feet and is the home to 115 species of mammals, 160 species of reptiles & amphibians, 139 species of fish, 3,238 species of insects & invertebrates and 4,401 species of plants.

(Silky: Wow! This place totally smells of LIFE!)

(Leon: Yeah, and some of it is life that will eat you!)

My friends, this place is TOTALLY COOL! A river runs through the jungle, which now includes some hilly areas. You float along on rafts with guides as birds fly overhead, monkeys watch you from the trees and all sorts of fish (and large caimans) swim next to you.

(Leon: See my above statement.)

We all really enjoyed ourselves and took lots of pictures. It was thrilling and at one point, I had to stop Sasha from leaping off the raft to go swinging through the trees.

(Sasha: “I’m an ape dog, I’m an ape ape dog, yes I’m an ape dog! I’m a King Kong dog, I’m a voodoo dog, yes I’m an ape dog!”)

(Sasha: With apologies to the Kinks.)

We learned that species are breeding so well in this indoor jungle that the excess is being sold to zoos & sanctuaries or actually being returned to the ever shrinking Amazon. Pretty cool.

After the tour, we ate at the attached restaurant and then bought about a million bucks worth of touristy stuff.

(Daisy: Including cool jungle print dog & cat collars!)

Before we left the Great Northern Prairie, Sasha and I played a little joke on the city of Fargo. We’d been planning it for months. Using a bit of time manipulation, we went in at 3:00 in the morning and placed 500 large wood chippers, all painted in neon colors, around the town. We thought it was hilarious. The rest of our traveling companions were less amused.

Oh, relax, Fargo. They’ll all disappear in about 24 hours.

Right now, the bus is parked at the Pearl Cross West Texas Nature Preserve, named for Great Aunt Pearl who left this life back in March at the age of 110. The RV park here is a nice little 30 acre place. Aunt Pearl would have liked it.

(Sasha: I’ll miss Aunt Pearl and her biscuits & gravy.)

(Daisy: And chicken fried steak!)

Tonight, we dine on Texas barbecue and then get our shit together for the con. More blogstuff tomorrow!

Destination Sign when we started: Opar

Destination Sign when we ended: Riverdale

Radio Station of the Day: YRKO, Dolvarion Blues Station, circa 2468

The Rare & Beautiful Hopping Red Barrel Cactus Of Potawango Island

…try to stay out of their way

CatCon 8

Day 5: In which we recreate a hair raising ride, experience nature & Stupid Tourist Tricks and then just eat the hell out of ice cream

Glacier National Park, so far: To start with, I need to point out that on our first trip here (DogCon 3, in 2010), our Magic Bus was 32 feet long. This meant that it could’t traverse the Going To The Sun Road, the only road that bisects the park. This is because, due to the narrowness of the road and the steep dropoffs and the lack of guardrails along much of it (due to winter avalanches), no vehicle over 21 feet may go all the way through the park. To solve that problem, we simply made the bus into a shorter, 19 foot bus.

Now, the Going To The Sun road is cut right into the sides of the mountains, with steep hills on one side and steep drops on the other. Many of our party back then were a bit put off by this.

(Sasha: Having heard Mom, Auntie Sharon, Lucy & Flash recount the ride, I’d say “terrified” is the proper word.)

So as to prep everyone for this year’s drive, I ran us all through a cool virtual reality version. The results were less than great.

Grace hid in our bedroom. Silky joined her.

(Silky: NOT a fan of long drops!)

Leon disappeared for the whole trip.

(Leon: I was hiding in a cupboard. Flash was right, Uncle Doc is insane.)

Avis read a book and only looked out the window twice.

(Daisy: Auntie Avy is not insane.)

Spike seemed unfazed.

(Sasha: He even brought us drinks.)


Daisy buried her head under a pillow next to Avis

(Daisy: When my death comes, I don’t want to see it.)

Mary & Sasha sat right up front next to me and made ghoulish jokes about crashing off the mountainside.

(Sasha: And we sang a couple of songs, like “She’ll Be Crashing Off The Mountain When She Comes” and “Sixteen Pieces” (to the tune of Sixteen Candles).)

(Sasha: I’ll also not that in a rare showing of common sense, Daddy barely broke the speed limit throughout the entire trip.)

Things are indeed scenic and wonderful and natural and fucking near glacier free here. Thanks a bunch, global warming. We saw a fair amount of wildlife on the way up (we are now at about 8,200 feet altitude). When we got to the scenic viewing area at the top of the road, everyone left the bus (some faster than others) and we took in Nature’s Splendor. We also took in, as with last time…

Stupid Tourist Tricks!

Trick #1 was some dipstick trying to take a selfie with a couple of bighorn sheep in the background. The sheep did not find that amusing. Seconds later, they were chasing the doofus down the mountain. He escaped them by rolling and bouncing about a mile.

(Silky: Several of us who have either given birth or are just old laughed so hard we peed ourselves a bit.)


Trick #2 involved yet another dummy, this time a hipster guy, feeding marmots. Allow me to recount how this went in 2010.

There was the woman who was feeding peanuts to the marmots. After a few minutes, there were about 50 peanut jonesing marmots around her. Then she ran out of peanuts. You’d be surprised how fast a chubby middle aged woman can run when pursued by a seething horde of high altitude rodents.

When the hipster ran out of nuts, the marmots were on him like zombies on a slow runner. Luckily for him, he panicked and ran right off the side of the mountain. He rolled almost as far as the bighorn sheep annoyer, shedding marmots the entire way.

(Leon: I will still laugh about that when I’m old and dying. What a maroon!)

(Sasha: Talk about saying “Fuck you, hipster!”)

Trick #3 was the big finale as a teenaged girl, pissed off because there was no cellular coverage way up there, threw her iPhone way out into the open air off the mountainside. I’m guessing it went 2-3 miles before hitting a big rock. She realized what she’d done almost immediately and started to cry. Her parents & two younger brothers were no help, doubled over with laughter as they were. Then, to really ice the cake, a ranger told her she’s be fined $1,000.00 for littering unless she walked down and picked up all the pieces. As we were leaving, she was just passing Marmot Boy and Sheep Guy as they were staggering uphill.

(Daisy: I think her parents might have laughed themselves sick.)

(Leon: Bet your tail that her brothers will never let her live that down.)

After all that fun, everyone went back into hiding/whatever on the bus for the ride down to St. Mary’s, which was pretty much all on fire, necessitating us to make a jump to western North Dakota, where we decided to have a Pig Out On Ice Cream And Play Boardgames night. I think we must have eaten 40 kinds of ice cream.

(Leon: Tuna flavored ice cream? Hell yes!)

(Daisy: I like how Auntie Avy kept saying “well, maybe I’ll just have a bit more of this non-dairy ice cream”. That Fresh Peach had her hooked.)

(Sasha: Some day, I shall do a monograph on how much ice cream Daddy can eat. I think it defies laws of physics and biology.)

Now, it is time for bed. More thrilling trip reportage tomorrow!

Destination Sign when we started: The Sea Of Green

Destination Sign when we ended: The Motara Nebula

Radio Station of the Day: MERB, Martian Rock & Roll Radio, circa 2109

FOOOOD FOOOORRRR DOGGGGSSSSS! With Extra Stinky Sauce.

…dogs love the stinky sauce

CatCon 8

Day 4: In which we revisit a legendary roadside attraction and a tear or two of joy is shed.

It was in Dufur, Oregon, in 2010 that we went to see the World’s Largest Toilet paper roll, which was actually TWO huge competing rolls that were destroyed minutes later when their creators went batshit crazy. We all shed tears of sadness

(Sasha: I heard from Lucy that only Daddy shed any tears.)

For three years, the world was bereft of a giant toilet paper roll, but folks, I’m very happy to report that there is now an All New World’s Largest Toilet Paper Roll! HUZZAH!

Created by grandsons of the two original loonies, with help from several of their Cal Tech buddies, this roll was made in only 3 years and is twice the size of the other two COMBINED! No kidding, folks, it’s like 110 feet tall and set up in a weatherproof, climate controlled building. It’s beautiful!

(Daisy: Can you guess which of us chose this place to stop at?)

(Silky: Our Daddy is “special”.)

We paid our $25.00 group rate and went in to see things up close. There is a really nice presentation on the original rolls, with pictures and home movies. Then you see the story of how they were unraveled (much like the two old farts who did the unraveling) and how the grandsons vowed to rebuild this World Famous Roadside Attraction. There is an in depth explanation of the robotic toilet paper roll switcher that they built, as well as the rolling mechanism. It is inspiring.

(Sasha: Mom said it nearly inspired her into falling asleep.)

(Daisy: Auntie Mary wondered how many butts you could wipe with that huge roll.)

(Leon: I’ll never understand the human butt wiping thing.)

The place also has a well stocked gift shop, where we bought bumper stickers, fridge magnets, t-shirts, etc. I will wear my “I saw the World’s Largest Toilet Paper Roll in Dufur, Oregon” t-shirt with pride.

After seeing that attraction, we pretty much just hung out in the bus the rest of the day. Really, what could top what we had seen?

(Sasha: Ok, folks, here’s the real lowdown on Daddy. See, he REALLY likes goofy shit and that goddamn bigass toilet paper roll seems to hold a special place in his heart. So when we all got back on the bus and we all saw how satisfied Daddy was, we just didn’t have the heart to suggest going on to another place. Instead, we all went sliding in the Slide Room, explored the Warehouse, played games and had dinner at the Cobalt Club in an alternate New York, circa 1933.)

Destination Sign when we started: Mystara

Destination Sign when we ended: Frostbite Falls

Radio Station of the Day: WNYC, New York City, circa 1933

Mr. Feathers, Private Duck

…quack quack, tough guy!

CatCon 8

Day 3: In which have encounters of the canine kind and, late at night, there is a dog party.

A few years back, we were near Boise City, Oklahoma, when we saw a sign advertising the Dog Days Festival and we knew we’d have to stop. Turns out that Dog Days is a big gathering of dogs and their humans and it was hella fun.

We stopped there again today and it was just as much fun as before, except maybe for Leon, who is a cat and therefore not the target audience. Still, even he had some good times, what with being the only kitty for maybe 5 miles and people wanting to pet him.

(Leon: Yeah, it wasn’t so bad, especially with The Girls telling other dogs to shut up and show some respect.)

There were hundreds of dogs present, including at least 22 other bassets. We wandered all around eating snacks, listening to music and talking with dog owners.

(Silky: One booth had venison jerky snacks for humans and dogs. They were great!)

(Daisy: I only came in fifth in the Longest Ears Contest. Some Bloodhound from Tulsa won first place.)

We got t-shirts and dog collars and all manner of chotzkies. I even picked up 2 new bandanas. The big finale of Day One was a bluegrass concert and a barbecue.

Well, that’s not quite true.

(Sasha: Here it comes, folks.)

Since I am a member of the Frequent Urination Society, I had to get up about 2:30 am to take a leak. During that time, I could faintly hear music and other noise coming from somewhere in the bus. I went to take a look and when I got to the Meadow Room, I saw that a full on dog party was going on. Must have been 80 dogs in there. They were dancing to some dogpunk tune and barking and chasing each other and rolling around in fresh compost.

(Sasha: The song was “Hot Piss On a Cops Leg” by The Leghumpers.)

I saw Silky talking with a couple of black Labs, Daisy dancing with a Beagle and Sasha acting as DJ. I stood in the door for about 10 seconds, at which point they all smelled me, then saw me. Except fot The Girls, everyone was out of there in under 30 seconds. I then just said “BED!” and the three party hosts trotted off to bed while showing various levels of guilt.

(Daisy: It was Silky’s idea!)

(Silky: I said “let’s invite a couple of dogs over to talk for a bit”.)

(Sasha: I regret nothing!)

The next morning I told Grace about it and, in a moment that dropped all of our jaws, she merely said “Oh well, girls will be girls!”.

(Daisy: Daddy asked her if she was a pod person.)

More bloggage later.


Destination Sign when we started: Kandor

Destination Sign when we ended: Highway 61

Radio Station of the Day: KFRC “The Big 610” circa 1968

Zany Bullfinches Pestered My Hoopoes

…google it

CatCon 8

Day 2: In which we check out some monsters, the cheekiness of jackrabbits is discussed and Auntie Avis bakes pies.

Day 2 of our trip found us in Kingman, Arizona, where we visited the newly renamed and upgraded “Monsters Of The Desert!” Years ago, desert sculptors with time on their hands built something goofy and big, a kind of octopoid looking alien creature with three eyes. But in the last couple of years, they’ve added 5 new Monsters, so naturally we had to check it out.

(Silky: This was my pick of where to visit, folks.)


One of these monsters looks sort of like a giant praying mantis made out of stainless steel, crushed glass, plaster and about 15 colors of paint. It stands across from two 30 foot tall creatures made of old plastic milk jugs, flattened tin cans and some sort of plastic foam. They look like crazed yetis.

(Daisy: Real yetis are much scarier. Flash & Leon once poked one with a stick It was not amused.)

(Leon: No shit! That damned thing chased us 3 miles! It was wicked pissed off.)

Then there is the winged triceratops creature that uses an old school bus as the basis for it’s body, then added on tons of plumbing fixtures. Finally, there is “Ograntor!”, a 75 foot tall giant ape/ant/platypus thing built out of concrete, steel and what looks like about 6 months worth of the empty booze bottles from Las Vegas.

(Sasha: Hmmm…giant apes…hmmm.)

(Leon: You are crazy, Sasha!)

(Sasha: What part of “mad scientist” confuses you, cathead?)

We wandered around for about 90 minutes, because what the signs along the highway don’t tell you is that while there are only 6 giant monsters, there are over 150 smaller ones scattered about, some no bigger than my fist. Some can move a bit and have motion detectors built in, so they only move when you get close. This startled some of our group.

(Daisy: HAHAHA! One of them scared Sasha so much, she pooped!)

The whole place is surrounded by high chainlink fence, too keep out vandals. Our critters discovered that the local jackrabbits like to hang out just on the other side of the fence. They do not seem to fear human, yowling cats or barking dogs.

(Leon: Open up that fence and we’ll see who’s laughing.)

(Silky: One of those cheeky little bastards peed in front of Sasha and I when we barked at him.)

(Daisy: They called us rude names!)

(Sasha: We’ll see how fuckin’ smug they are when my flying monkeys come for them.)

Before leaving, we stopped off at the concession stand for Desert Monster Dogs, which were delicious foot long hot dogs. I had two with chili. We also drank Monster Shakes, which were both tasty and large.

(Daisy: Oh, baby, those were tasty hot dogs!)

We got back on the bus and dimension hopped over to a Hawaii that never had humans settle there. Most likely, this was because it is a popular place with the Megalodons, Giant Octopi and the Rocs that live up in the mountains and prey upon the Megalodons & Giant Octopi. It’s a peaceful place, if you’re not one of those three species.

(Leon: Humans pick insane places to go! Those Rocs were enormous!)

(Daisy: I know, right? They had like a 400 foot wingspan!)

(Silky: One of them grabbed a 65 foot shark like it was a goldfish!)

(Sasha: Eh, could have been worse. Could have been dragons.)

Anyway, being way too small to eat, we mostly hung out on the beach or wandered around in the bus. It was while wandering through the greenhouse that Avis and Silky found several blueberry bushes loaded with ripe fruit. After picking a bunch of them, Avis told us all that we’d be having blueberry pie for dessert tonight.

(Silky: we may have eaten a pound or so as we were picking.)

Sure enough, when the rest of us came in, the bus was filled with the delicious smell of fresh baked pies. After a dinner of steak, potatoes, spinach and rolls, I got a gallon of French Vanilla ice cream out of the Ice Cream Closet and we had blueberry pie ala mode. Totally yummy! You did well, Auntie Avy.

(Daisy: Auntie Avy, Queen of Pie!)

Once we were all stuffed with pie & ice cream, we got out the dice and I ran Grace, Avis, Spike, Mary, Daisy & Silky through “The Megadungeon of Horrible Doom!” Much fun was had, even when Spike rolled two critical fumbles and fell into a pit full of Snot Goblins.

While we played D&D, Sasha & Leon were playing a new video game called “Assault Of The Robodemons”, which is part RPG, part shooter. Judging from all the yelling, they enjoyed it.

Now it’s time for bed, Gentle Readers. More fun & frivolity tomorrow.

Destination Sign when we started: Mirkwood

Destination Sign when we ended: Camelot

Radio Station of the Day: Duck Rock Live From DuckEarth 5

The Adventures Of Meerkat-Man

…a very alert and upright superhero

CatCon 8

Day 1: In which a wide variety of potato products are thrown about and we watch movies

In Grimly, Arizona, Potato Throwing Days started in 1886 when the “damned near all male” population of this mountain logging and mining town got tired of eating the potatoes that local merchant Joe Sitwell had gotten cheap from his cousin up in Idaho. Old Joe had got those taters cheap, but he had gone overboard and bought 5 tons of them. For a town whose population at the time was 50, that’s a shitload of spuds.

(Daisy: I love potatoes, but DAMN!)


So one day, as legend has it, a fellow named Dan Purdy was sitting on the front porch of the Grimly Arms Hotel, contemplating a big dish of mashed potatoes when he just up and yelled “To hell with this!” and threw those mashers out into the busy (for Grimly) main street, hitting several people. One of those people was local logger Armando Cruz, who just happened to have his lunch, a baked potato in his pocket. He threw it at Dan and before you knew it, potatoes were flying everywhere. It took the best part of an hour before things calmed down and then folks just laughed and laughed. A year later, damned if they didn’t relive the day with more tater tossing. After that, and despite Grimly eventually evolving into a popular mountain resort, Potato Throwing Days became a tradition.

There are only a few rules about Potato Throwing Days: No raw spuds may be thrown, no hot items may be thrown, no artificial potato launching devices may be used, anybody wearing a green “NOT A TARGET” t-shirt cannot be attacked and all spud throwing starts at dawn and ends at sunset on Friday & Saturday. Other than that, the potatoes will fly.

We arrived in Grimly about two hours before sunrise and got a space at the Happy Acres RV Park. After a light breakfast of coffee or tea and donuts for us humans and dog or cat food for the critters, we got dressed properly for the day.

(Silky: No donut love for the poor critters.)

Proper dress” is old clothes you don’t care about, a hat if you don’t want taters in your hair and a pair of goggles. Throwing potatoes are provided by the Chamber of Commerce on tables all along the street. Thus clad, we ventured out for the 3 mile long stroll up and down main street.

(Leon: Flash warned me about this place! Humans are insane!)

(Daisy: I’ve been practicing dodging all week.)

As the sun rose over the mountains, we had just loaded up on throwing supplies (The critters were all wearing Ottopuses, so they could throw spuds too) when a guy on a roof started chucking mashed potato snowballs at us. I took one to the leg, Silky took one to the tail and Spike got hit square in the middle of his back.

(Silky: And then I turned the wrong way and got hit in the ear!)


Meanwhile, three teenage girls were throwing tater tots at us from the other side of the street. Grace, Mary, Avis and Sasha all got hit, but Daisy & Leon managed to stay clean. Unfortunately for those teens, besides the womenfolk chucking small roasted red potatoes at them, they had Sasha hurling hash brown patties at them four at a time. Her accuracy was impressive.

(Sasha: I pretended they were shuriken.)

By the time we reached the end of main street, we looked like victims of the wrath of some potato god. Spike and I alone must have had 2-3 pounds of potato products in our hair & beards. The surface of the street looked like some unholy potato salad demon.

After having some tasty beverages provided by the Grimly Women’s Association, we loaded up with tuberous ammo and started the trek back to the bus. We teamed up with other RVers in what one old WWII vet described as “like storming a goddamn beach during World War Potato”. He had a pretty good throwing arm for an 86 year old.

(Daisy: That old dude was badass! No wonder we won the war.)


Back at the bus, we hit first the sonic showers, then the regular showers, then the hot tub. Poor Leon was convinced he’d never bee clean again and actually fell asleep in mid cleaning lick AFTER two full showers.

(Leon: Not clean enough! Must get cle…..ZZZZZZZZZZZZ!)

Once we were all relaxed and had eaten a light lunch, there was much napping, then we all mostly sat around talking until it was time to grill Docburgers for dinner.

(Silky: Mmmmm…Docburgers!)

After dinner, it was movie night! We had a double feature of “The Amazing Colossal Man” and it’s sequel, “War Of The Colossal Beast”. After that, there was some more sitting around talking and then bedtime.

Destination Sign when we started: Sesame Street

Destination Sign when we ended: The Hall Of The Mountain King

Radio Station of the Day: Elven Folk Music

The So Late We Almost Skipped A Month, But Still Very Cute, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Golem Made Of Stinky Cheese

…co-starring her pet skunk, Limburger

It’s that time of year again, folks!

CatCon 8

Day Zero: In which Your Humble Narrator explains this years trip and we bid a goodbye to absent friends.

Once again we are about to depart Sacramento for our annual imaginary trip to Critter City, Texas for CatCon 8. The bus is packed up and ready and we will all be sleeping on it tonight. Our departure time is the ever popular 3:00 am. Not sure who that hour is popular with. Owls, maybe.

(Silky: And old dads & old dogs who wake up around then to pee.)


As most of you know, we are making this years trip without Flash, Jasmine or Lulu because they are off in another reality fighting to save CatWorld #44 from imminent invasion by Alien Space Weasels. Sadly, they will never be able to return to our reality, but we remember them and are proud of what they are doing.

(Sasha: What they are doing is seriously kicking alien ass!)

Since the above has cast a bit of a pall on things, this year our trip to the con will be made up of stops at some of the roadside attractions and events we enjoyed. Each of us (Grace, the Girls & I) chose one, plus we chose an extra one for Flash & company. So, six stops will be made. Sadly, one of those will not be Uncle Ferdy’s Trained Squirrel Revue, which has closed down completely. It would seem that Uncle Ferdy is living quietly out of the public eye in a small town in Idaho with his wife and his remaining squirrels. From what I heard, he has a tall chain link fence around his property so as to keep out dogs & cats, which cause his nervous tics to go into overdrive. We’ll miss you, Uncle Ferdy. Sorry about causing you so much trouble.

(Daisy: That totally blows! I was hoping we’d get another crack at it.)
(Leon: Yeah, so was I.)


The bus crew this year is relatively small, just myself, Grace, Sasha, Silky, Daisy, our friend Avis (actually, her duplicate that popped up two days ago), her cat Leon, our friend Spike and his wife Mary. Many other friends will be meeting up with us at the convention. We’ll be doing one stop per day, so the trip will take us 6 days.

(Sasha: Thanks to using the old timey wimey, spacey wacey manipulation.)

And now, Gentle Reader, I’m off to bed. More reportage tomorrow.