Toad Poetry

...it won't give you warts We got home from CatCon2 an hour ago. The Magic Bus is in storage. The dogs are asleep and the wife is nodding off. It is good to be home. Destination Sign reading when we entered California: The Cobalt Club Destination Sign reading when we got home: Somewhere Over The …

The 31 Things You Should Never Say To An Astronaut

...#1 is "that moon landin' was fake, right?" Return From CatCon2: Road Report (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) My oh my, is it ever refreshing and stress free to snooze in a comfy bed while your artificially intelligent bus drives like a bat outta hell down the interstate. Right now, I'm drinking my tea …

Doing The Hot Spider Boogie

...but not with a hot spider CatCon2: Day 4, The Wrap Up (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) Another con is in the bag. Today, aside from the "I Hate..." seminar/bitchfest, I wandered the Dealer's Room, played a few board games, walked The Girls, took Sharon to the airport and generally just relaxed. Grace played …

A Tamandua In The Kitchen

...climbing around, looking for termites CatCon2: Day 3, Part Two (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) Ok, let me just say that putting on an old time radio program (in this case, Adventure Gaming Theater) is pretty fucking cool...and more than a bit nerve wracking and funny. There were 10 of us in the studio, …

Sardine Smoothies For Everyone!

...well, they're popular with dolphins CatCon2: Day 3, Part One (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) Yesterday was hectic and fun. Highlights include... The Toon game in which all 10 players were spies working for different agencies and trying to stop Ernst Stavros Bullfrog. Winker and Daisy appearing as, respectively, Mad Eye Moondog and Minerva …

…And Then They All Ate Fish!

...pity I can't remember the rest of the joke CatCon2: Day 2, Part One (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) The Cross Family Con Schedule For Today... Doc 9:00 - 10:00 am: Great RPG Settings seminar 10:00 - Noon: GMing a Toon session "The Spy Who Boggled Me" Noon - 3:00 pm: Lunch & Dealer's …

Mr. Porkwaffle Buys A Chopper

...and rides it out to L.A. CatCon2: Day 1, Part Three (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) Oh, baby, was the live action dungeon I just finished fun! I played a rogue named Artemis and I was a lockpickin' trap disarmin' badass! There were 6 of us in the party: 2 fighters, one priestess, one …

The Chubby Mud Golem Episode

...not on tv tonight CatCon2: Day 1, Part Two (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) Quick post before going to the spa to be covered in mud and then made all beautiful. The "ask a GM anything" seminar was very interesting. The first half of it was limited to gaming questions. Then our moderator, Penny …

GoGo, The Fastest Kinkajou On Earth

...and he's smart, too CatCon2: Day 1, Part One (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) If this post ends suddenly, it will be because my head has fallen off. Bourbon, I hate you. So anyway, last night was the big dinner/dance/beer bash that starts the con off for Guests of Honor, Featured GMs, Con Staff …

Stalking The Wild Canadian Roleplayer

...in Texas CatCon2: Day 0, Part One (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) Greetings from CatCon2! Well, the con officially starts tomorrow at 9:00 am, but we are here in Wilted Springs now...along with several thousand other gamers. We actually arrived at 10:30, having been too excited to sleep in late. Initially, our plan was …

Pink Lizard Things

...with big red eyes CatCon2: The Trip There, Day 4, Part Two (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) Oy! That was one long honkin' drive! Fortunately, My Sweet Angel was able to drive a bit every couple of hours, so I got some rest. I also got a chance to watch a couple of episodes …

The Rare And Beautiful Varigated Marching Roses Of Potawango Island

...the march in perfect ranks We interrupt our regularly scheduled fictional con trip report for this special message... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SWEET ANGEL, GRACE! YOU GET BETTER EVERY YEAR, BABY! And now, back to the report... CatCon2: The Trip There, Day 4, Part One (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) Those of you who …

My Life Among The Pinecone Throwing Women

...it's an interesting story CatCon2: The Trip There, Day 3, Part One (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) Despite the sign on the bus showing our destination as "Bree", we are indeed way the fuck up in the Rockies. Just got back from a hike along an easy trail. Well, it was easy until the …

Ginger Pork Burritos

...are actually pretty yummy CatCon2: The Trip There, Day 2, Part Two (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) So, after looking around at fossils and such for a couple of hours, our merry band continued on into the depths of wildest Colorado. Mostly, we drove alot, with frequent stops for picture taking and dog walking. …

Modern Slimes

...in designer colors CatCon2: The Trip There, Day 2, Part One (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) Thanks to our canine alarm clocks, I was up at 7:00 am to give them their second breakfast Grace having given them their first breakfast and walkies at 4:00 am. Since I was up anyway, I went and …

The Old Hospital Was Full Of Cannibals

...some of them were even alive CatCon2: The Trip There, Day 1, Part Two (NOTE: The following is all fictional.) Well here we are, 23 hours after I woke up to start this journey, in a KOA Kampground just outside Medusa, Utah. Everyone but me is asleep...and I soon will be. Our drive through Nevada …

Sixth Floor…Lingerie…Ladieswear…Shoes

...Oh, Mr. Cross. Going...down? Ok, ok, so I ripped off Aerosmith. (Note: This con/trip report is dedicated to Daisy ann Cross, who left us far too soon, but is always with us in our hearts. Fuck cancer!) (Note: Comments by our dogs, Lucy & Winker, are presented in italics) The Trip To CatCon2: Day Zero, …

The Heartstopping Adventures Of Doctor Tempest In The City Of The Vampires

...from the August, 1908 issue Imaginary Gaming Convention News So, one week from today is the start of the very real GenCon, which I will be missing because Grace and I cannot afford to miss a beat on our descent into poverty (although we will have a house to live in while we are impoverished). …

My Other Dog Is a Werewolf

...it's a joke, Lucy I must be gettin' old, since in my recent DogCon post, I referred to this years fictional event as "DogCon 2". In fact, this being an alternate year, the con will be called CatCon 2. And speaking of the bigass fictional alternative to GenCon, I shall once again be running a …