The Journal Of The American Society Of Two Fisted Heroes

…however, it does include several one fisted heroes and one three fisted hero


The Doclopedia #956

Alt. Zombies: Cheese Zombies

It all started when the Bigg Cheese Company, largest cheese maker in the world, began using milk from genetically modified cows who were fed genetically modified grains. The thing that triggered the Cheese Zombie bacteria was the addition of a new chemical preservative to their grated Parmesan cheese and to their cheddar cheese mix in their macaroni & cheese dinners. After eating either of these, the bacteria started changing both the cheese and the human who ate it. In about 12 hours, people started dying and then rising up as Cheese Zombies.

At first, Cheese Zombies are mostly human, but besides eating the flesh of the living, they also seek out milk to drink, which increases the amount of living cheese that replaces their rotting flesh. They can also eat cheese to accomplish this, and many of the first Cheese Zombies took off for grocery stores and cheese shops as soon as they rose up.

Wisconsin and California produced the most Cheese Zombies, but the Canadian love for poutine caused many to thrive in that country. You don’t even want to know how bad it was in France & Italy.

Cheese Zombies ravaged the planet until they were finally destroyed by military forces, civilians with homemade flamethrowers, weather conditions and about 80 zillion rats, mice & other rodents.




The Doclopedia #957

Alt. Zombies: Worm Zombies

So everything was going great on Mars before they built that dome over the Carter Caves. It was going to be a tourist attraction for the 3 million citizens of Mars and the expected million more tourists from Earth and other colonies. There would be a theme park, resorts, lakes and, of course, the 1.5 miles of caves. It would be a goldmine!

Now, to be fair, no investigation in the 75 year history of the caves had ever detected life. A bit of water frozen up in the soil, yes, but no life.

Turns out, the worms were living a very slow existence about two feet deeper down than scientists had ever drilled. They were just burrowing through a wet layer of soil eating bacteria, tiny single celled creatures and, on occasion, each other. Everything was going great until humans started warming Mars up.

By the time construction on the Carter Cave Dome started, the Martian surface was, on average, a balmy 42 degrees most of the year and the oxygen content was about that of the peak of Mount Everest on Earth. In this new warmer, more oxygenated soil, the worms grew from an inch long to a whopping four inches and ventured nearer the surface in search of food. When the dome was finished, it was pressurized to an Earth normal atmosphere mix and warmed to 75 degrees. Down in the soil beneath the caves, the worms had a population explosion and grew to a foot long. It probably took them less than a month to eat all of their natural foods, at which point they went looking for other things to eat. Things like human feces and garbage.

Now, although Martian cities and towns have state of the art recycling of all waste products, construction sites in new domes still use garbage bins and porta potties. The Martian worms found their way into these and had a feeding frenzy. They also absorbed human DNA and the DNA from millions of different bacteria. This combined with their own DNA and new generations of mutant worms were born. By the time they infested the first humans, they were quite unlike their original Martian ancestors.

Anyway, you know the rest: 3,000 construction workers and others in the dome were turned into half human/half worm colony zombies. They escaped the dome and were heading to Marsopolis when the government hit them with a Heat Bomb that killed everything in a 30 mile radius and destroyed the dome.

After that incident, you can bet they did a hell of a lot more checking out of any place they consider building a dome.