… Not even with a really long stick
The Doclopedia #1,022
My Family: Aunt Wren
My Aunt Wren was my favorite aunt. She was always joking around and would take us kids places and she’d read comic books and sing songs. She was a hell of a baker, too, and her coconut chocolate chip cookies were to die for. She and Uncle Oliver traveled often, usually on business. As a kid, I never thought to ask what their business was, but later I asked Mom and she told me they were insurance salespeople.
When I was 22, the truth came out that Aunt Wren and Uncle Oliver were actually professional hitters who specialized in killing important businessmen and politicians, usually in far off countries. Oddly, the family found this easier to believe than if they were in the insurance biz.
Aunt Wren and Uncle Oliver supposedly died in a bloody shootout and big explosion in Russia in 1981, but no bodies were ever found. Most folks say they died, but I and several of my cousins still get two dozen coconut chocolate chip cookies in the mail every Christmas.