The Seriously Funny, But Also Educational, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The League Of Extraordinary Game Designers

…co-starring her trained oyster, Merline


The Doclopedia #1,124

Creature Features: Comrade Dracula

Back in 1966, a group of radical artists with Communist leanings decided to make a horror movie that glorified communism. Why they chose the horror genre is a mystery, but the result was “Comrade Dracula”, a film that was long on strange anti-capitalist rants and soft core sex, but very short on actual horror.

The story, such as it is, finds Dracula hanging out with Lenin and Marx, then turning up in modern day New York to help overthrow the US government while biting the necks of young rich girls. This neck biting somehow turns them not only into vampires, but dedicated commies. They also gogo dance.

The entire movie runs 77 minutes and played in less than a dozen theaters worldwide. It was not allowed into the Soviet Union or Cuba.


The Doclopedia #1,125

Strange Bandanas: The Light Blue One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

The light blue bandana was given to me by a Hindu mystic back in 1902, when I was visiting Calcutta on business. He gave it to me as thanks for helping his village dig a new well.

The bandana seems entirely normal until I place it on my head, at which point it begins to glow with a bright light. For the next five minutes, I gain the ability to speak to one of the Lesser Forces Of Light. This being usually tells me where to shop for the best bargains on meat, fresh produce and cheese. It also gives extraordinarily accurate weather reports. Once the 5 minutes are up, the bandana stops glowing. I can use it once a day.

I often wonder what sort of bandana I would have gotten if I’d helped those villagers build a small dam.


The Doclopedia #1,126

Strange Bandanas: The Yellow & Green One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

I found this bandana in a small, out of the way thrift shop in Cleveland in 1989. The woman who ran the shop told me it was a rascally little bandana, then sold it to me for fifty cents.

She was correct in her assessment, for this bandana soon proved to be quite the little scamp. It loves to hide deep in the bandana pile or climb up on top of bookcases. When it’s really feeling naughty, it will hide in the towel drawer, waiting to leap out and scare me.

Despite all this, it is a gentle and affectionate bandana that loves to be worn out in public, especially when I go to the movies.


Mr. Porkwaffle Joins The Circus

…as a knife thrower.  Hilarity ensued.


The Doclopedia #1,122

Creature Features: It Came From Kansas!

1959, OK Studios

Starring: Rick Munson, David Hall, Annie Early, Rhonda Patterson, Kevin Early, Joe Laswell

Running Time: 102 minutes

Low budget sci-fi movie set in a small town in north central Oklahoma. Road construction in southern Kansas accidentally releases a 10 foot tall lizard man from his eons long sleep and he heads south to terrorize teenagers and, eventually, the entire town. Rick Munson was a former teen idol who thought this film would restart his careen. He was wrong. It did, however, start the career of 12 year old Kevin early, who went on to do many movies over a 40 year career.

The acting is not bad for a film of this nature, with particularly good performances by first timer Early and his older sister. The special effects are good and it is rumored that the lizard man suit alone used up a third of the budget.



The Doclopedia #1,123

Creature Features: Googora Versus Mousra

In 20012, two 16 year old high school students from Chicago decided to make a Japanese style kaiju movie using only their cell phone cameras, computers and cheap off the shelf software. They recruited friends and family, three pet mice and “several jars of grape jelly” as motion capture subjects, then made a quite good animated movie.

Done mostly in a style similar to Japanese animes like Cowboy Bebop, the film runs 74 minutes and features a slime monster battling the giant “dinosaur mouse”, Mousra. The acting by the humans is pretty good and the overall quality of the movie is excellent. After being shown at several geek conventions and film festivals, it was bought by Big Studio Films and the young directors were hired to expand it to two hours. It went on to make $300 million worldwide and spawn two sequels.

The 87 Things That You Need To Know About Crocodiles

…#6: Never pull their tail


The Doclopedia #1,121

Creature Features: The Son In Law Of Frankenstein

Made in 1967 for less than fifty thousand dollars, “The Son In Law of Frankenstein” was written, produced, directed and starred legendary budget movie maker SamRay Wood in the title role. Other money saving casting came in the form of Nancy Olden, Wood’s then wife, as his film wife, Greta Frankenstein, and several friends in other roles. The monster, who only appears in the last 15 minutes of the 90 minute film, was played by a UCLA football player who remains anonymous to this day.

The plot finds earnest young American scientist Sam Brown traveling to Europe where he meets Greta Frankenstein, youngest child of Wolf Frankenstein, from the movie “Son of Frankenstein”. They fall in love, he finds the notes of her father & grandfather and the rest is totally predictable.

The entire movie took 21 days to shoot and, as with other Wood films, used sets that were made up of stuff scrounged from places like old movie sets, thrift stores and the local dump. The lighting is often poor, as is the sound. The acting ranges from poor to terrible and the monster makeup probably cost less than $30.

The film opened in drive ins across the country on June 17th, 1968 and made all of it’s money back in the first three weeks. Unfortunately, it was pulled from theaters after being out a month because of a lawsuit over using the name Wolf Frankenstein. It took two months for Wood to straighten things out by re-dubbing the name “Wolf” to “Walter”, at which point he re-released it to far fewer theaters, but still ended up with profits over thirty thousand dollars. Three years later, he sold the television rights for another fifteen thousand.

Today, “The Son In Law of Frankenstein” is a favorite of bad movie fans and often highlights trash movie festivals.