The Warm And Folksy, But Also Somewhat Hip, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Singing Aardvark

…co-starring her moderately wealthy Aunt Olivia

 

CritterCon 11

Trip Day Twelve (By Daisy)

Daisy here again, folks. I figured since I started the actual trip report, I’d finish it.

Our trip home up I-5 was pretty uneventful, especially since the Bus left Gorman at 5 in the morning while we were all asleep. We were passing Fresno when we finally got up.

What can I say to sum this trip up? Our traveling band was huge, the trip was unique, as most of them are, and the con itself was just as fun as ever. We saw friends old & new, ate great food and did fun stuff. I guess you can’t ask for more than that.

I need to sign off now, because I seriously need a nap before Max and I begin packing up to leave for GenCon tonight. Yes, we are crazy.

I hope you enjoyed this year’s report. Next year, Daddy will be back to doing it.

Live long and prosper,

Daisy

CritterCon 11 is over

But we will all be back next year for

CritterCon 12

Billy The Slow Loris Goes To The Beach

…slowly, of course

 

CritterCon 11

Trip Day Eleven (By Misty)

Hello, everybody! Misty here with your trip report for today.

We started the day with an early breakfast at a campground about 50 miles north of Critter City. As always, it was scrummy and we left the table with full bellies.

(Silky: It was a Waddlefest!)

Our first stop was about two hours away, so we all just chilled out with some light filler games. I was unsuccessful in killing Doctor Lucky, but was top of the bean pile at Bohnanza.

(Daisy: I could never get a clear shot at the old bastard.)

(Janet: Some of us played Dino Hunt, which was pretty fun.)

It surprised none of us that The Doctor chose a Giant Jesus as our first stop. What did surprise us was that there were TWO Giant Jesus statues facing each other across the Texas/Oklahoma state line.

(Sasha: It may be time to stage an intervention with Daddy.)

(Luke: Several years too late for that.)

It seems that in 1960, the small towns of Rigley, Oklahoma and Barsonville, Texas, had some sort of row going about who got more business from travelers on the Texas state highway that runs between them. Being firmly in the Bible Belt (or what passes for it here on Earth 1-G), each town decided to build a statue of Jesus. You’ve probably figured out what happened next. Years of design changes and finally, two Giant Jesus statues facing each other across the highway. The one on the Texas side is taller at 110 feet tall, but the one on the Oklahoma side (100 feet tall) is much more detailed and better looking.

(Roxie: They are quite impressive, as these things go.)

(Sasha: Still not as impressive as those humongous toilet paper rolls used to be.)

For a “donation” of $2.00 per statue, you can go up to the observation areas in their heads. The views are pretty good and the tour guides are friendly young local folks who tell you how great their side’s statue is while stopping short of declaring the other statue rubbish. Several of our group never even took the tour, but The Doctor and Auntie Mary always do.

(Leon: They are not right in the head, those two.)

(Sadie: Few Humans are.)

To get to our next and final roadside attraction, The Doctor once again shrank us down to shoebox size and kicked in the booster drives. We cruised along major motorways at up to 200 miles per hour and got to our final destination just as we finished watching the 1959 version of King Kong which has all the stop motion done by Ray Harryhausen. It’s a really great remake.

(Goldie: With added dinosaurs and the spider canyon scene!)

(Max: And a good long scene of Kong being towed back to New York.)

Hanson, Kansas, was our stop for The World Famous Scarecrow Town. While this place was lower on the Creep-O-Meter than Skeleton Town, it is still bloody unnerving. After half an hour among the 500+ scarecrows, we all left. It took another hour for the fur on my back to lie down.

(Daisy: New rule: Only one creepyass stop per trip from now on!)

(Janet: YES! The wind moved one of those scarecrows and I pooped myself.)

(Leon: I’ll be having fucking scarecrow nightmares for a month.)

From there on, it was all about us taking folks home by going back to our world and dropping off the Hildreths, The Joneses, Auntie Avy & Leon, and Auntie Ginie & Roxy. Before returning Uncle Gabriel to Los Angeles, we stopped in New Mexico for an excellent Southwestern Dinner.

(Luke: It was delicious and plentiful.)

We are ending our night in an RV park in Gorman, at the top of the grapevine. We’ll leave very early and be home before noon tomorrow, which is good because I’ll be starting a month long shoot on a film down in Florida and Luke is starting a 3 week run on the Orpheum Circuit with his song & dance act.

(Daisy: Go see him folks, because he is really good!)

With that, Dear Readers, I end my bit of this trip report. Have a wonderful evening or day, depending upon where you are.

Misty

Destination Sign When We Started: El Dorado
Destination Sign When We Stopped: Shangri La

QM Radio Station: 70’s Funk

A History Of Historic Historians

…it’s not hysterical

 

CritterCon 11

Con Day Four (By Penny)

Hi, I’m Penny and I won the writing lottery to post the final day’s report from CritterCon 11.

We had our final breakfast at Waffles From Outer Space this morning. I’ll miss their tuna & sardine waffles.

(Luke: I had the bacon and more bacon waffles, with bacon on the side.)

(Sadie: I had waffles smothered in beef gravy.)

Once breakfast was over, we all went to the main gaming hall and played games. I got in three games of Feline Love Letter, a game of Zombie Dice and a game of Ticket to Ride India before I had to go meet several of the female critters to hit the Dealer’s Room. We spent a couple of hours there and spent quite a bit of money. My AniBank card got seriously overheated.

(Leon: I redlined my AniBank card buying miniatures, dice and terrain.)

(Goldie: I managed to stay well below my card’s limit.)

(Daisy: You guys do know that Silky founded AniBank back in 1984, right?)

(Leon: WHAT?)

(Silky: Yep, it’s true. Started it with only a couple of million bucks.)

After the Dealer’s Room trip, we all joined up with the other NHT and went to watch the finals of the Dungeons & Dogs LARP. It was fun to watch and a group from Colorado won.

(Max: They were a well balanced group and they made sure to check for traps frequently.)

(Janet: Unlike our group at home, where Moose now plays Stumpy, the one legged gnome and Pixie is Ulondra, the elf with a metal hand.)

When that was over, we made one last pass through the Dealer’s Room, then met up with the humans for cold beverages at Mink’s Cold Drinks. About the time we got there, the con ended.

(Silky: It’s always sad when a con ends.)

(Daisy: Unless you were running it, in which case it’s time to tap a keg.)

Dinner was not planned until much later, because the Post-Con Cooldown Party starts 30 minutes after the con closes. As they did last year, the Cross family supplied 50 kinds of ice cream to go with the 50 sorts of pie served at the party. It was all very delicious and we ate too much while saying goodbye to friends.

(Leon: Sweet Mother of Sylvester, can Uncle Doc pack away the pie & ice cream!)

When the party was over, we all got on the Magic Bus and left Critter City, We also left our reality and went back to Earth 1-G in 1980. Apparently, tomorrow we have a couple of roadside stops to make before everyone gets home.

(Sasha: Whoever thinks it won’t involve at least one Giant Jesus, say “aye”. Ah yes, crickets.)

Thank you so much for reading this. I hope to return to this con next year.

Penny

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A Cow With A Plan

…a plan to run straight through a new garden

 

CritterCon 11

Con Day Three (By Roxie)

Greetings everyone! I’m Roxie and here is my Saturday con report.

Most of us had breakfast early at Pancakeville, but those who overdid themselves at the dance last night decided to sleep in a bit until their pain relievers took effect.

(Sasha: I think I threw my back out dancing.)

(Misty: Luke had cramps in three of his legs this morning.)

Rather than go straight to gaming, most of us non-humans went to the Critter City Animal Amusement Park. This is a one acre 5 level park that has all sorts of fun things for animals to do. No humans except for the staff are allowed. It is truly fun for all ages, since there were kittens & puppies playing right alongside elderly critters.

(Daisy: That place is great, especially since the renovated it and added 2 more levels.)

After that bit of fun, we went to the con and played the usual mixed bag of games. I know that Leon, Max, Buster, Moose and Ollie played some sort of big wargame.

(Leon: It was “Battlefront: Central Park 1992”. There were 16 players in the game, which is based on the Neighborhood Wars that dogs & cats fought tn back then.)

Daisy ran two sessions of D&D.

(Daisy: “Tunnels of the Kobold King” and “The Flying Islands”)

Luke & Misty gave a seminar on acting for roleplayers.

(Misty: It went very well and we signed a right gob of photos.)

I’m not sure about everyone else.

(Janet: I spent most of the day playing Arkham Horror.)

(Sadie: I played in a Toon game with Sasha & Chance, then we cruised the Dealer’s Room.)

(Silky: I got into a poker game. Came out $1,500.00 ahead.)

I played a game of Nuns On The Run, which was great. Later, I played Settlers of CATan, which is always fun and challenging. Finally, I got into a game of Blue Rose with Daisy, Snowy and Janet. That lasted until 9:30, after which we went to yet another big party.

This party was also part LARP, since everyone was either a spy, an asset, a liability, an innocent civilian, or any mix of those four. There were alliances, betrayals, double/triple/quadruple crosses, assassinations and plenty of shaken, not stirred vodka martinis. I know my Mom, Ginie, killed two Chinese spies and my Auntie Avis double crossed Uncle Doc (KGB) and Uncle Peter (MI6) before she got double crossed by Silky and some young human lady. The party lasted until 2:00 and we all had big fun.

(Silky: Auntie Avy was laughing at the looks on their faces while I was busy turning her over to S.H.I.E.L.D. Hahaha!)

(Leon: I was just an innocent Senator from New Hampshire who got blackmailed into working for SPECTRE.)

(Daisy: Dude, you volunteered to work for them when the guaranteed you re-election!)

And now I need my beauty sleep, my friends. Come back tomorrow for more reportage.

Roxie

It’s Only A Crazy Scheme If You Fail

…uh, no

 

 

CritterCon 11

Con Day Two (By Goldie)

Hello! I’m Goldie and this is my first time at a con like this one and my first time writing something like this.

I’d like to start by thanking the Fabulous Four for helping Penny and myself get used to being in human bodies part of the time. The whole walking on two legs thing is both hard and terrifying.

(Silky: You’re welcome. Using an android body is weird and scary at first, but you and Penny got the hang of it fast.)

Since I’m a total rookie at this, Sasha suggested that I skip the meal reports and just talk about other stuff, especially gaming, so here goes.

(Sasha: Breakfast at Chez Mom’s, lunches mostly at hotdog ot taco stands, Dinner at Big Slabs O’ Meat.)

This morning, a bunch of us entered The Cursed Necropolis, a LARP for humans and critters. Uncle Doc, Auntie Grace, Auntie Mary and 5 critters entered through the north gate. My Dad & Mom, Auntie Avis and 5 of us critters entered via the west gate. Two other groups of 8 players entered through the east and south gates. The object was to grab loot, kill or avoid the undead, enter the Defiled Cathedral and perform the Ritual of Purification, then leave the city with our loot.

(Luke: That first wave of zombies scared the hell out of me.)

(Penny: A bit later, we heard Uncle Doc yell “Ghouls? I HATE fuckin’ ghouls!” from three blocks away.)

This was a holodeck style LARP and things seemed very real, visually and auditorily. The various smells they piped in seemed to affect the humans, but most of us NHT found that part very weak. The whole think was lots of fun and Our group was first in the cathedral. Sadly, Mom, Penny and Luke’s characters died buying us time to complete the ritual. Even more sadly, Uncle Doc’s team beat us out of the city by 4 minutes and had twice the loot we had. They also had only 3 characters left.

(Daisy: That was Daddy, Ollie and me. Everyone else got done in by either zombie ogres or that goddamn vampire that I finally staked.)

After the LARP, all the humans, all of us dogs, Max, Janet, and Willy all went to soak in mud. Daisy & Silky assured me that I would love it.

Well, I did love it. We all got put in tubs of warm mud where we rested for about 30 minutes. Then we all got cleaned up before getting massages. It was very relaxing and now everybody smells very nice.

(Sasha: I would have liked Dead Raccoon better that Warm Spice. Now I smell like fuckin’ banana bread or some shit.)

Uncle Doc and most of the other humans ran off to do their Old Time Radio Show. This year it was called “Tales of the Weird” and had something to do with vampires and grave robbers. I know that Dad played “Inspector Knox” and Auntie Avis played “Widow Barton”. I’m told it was a hit show. After that one, Uncle Doc, Uncle Gabriel, Auntie Mary, Luke & Misty did a half hour show called “The Adventures of Rocco & Maxie”.

(Silky: It was hilarious! Being an old gal, I had to stop and pee three times due to laughing so hard.)

It’s hard to keep track of what everyone played, but I know what games I played. I was in a D&D 5e + Steampunk game with Daisy & Max, then played in a long Savage Worlds game with Dad, Silky and Pixie. After that, I was getting pretty tired, so I went back to the suite for a nap. I woke up just in time to grab some room service chow with Luke, Misty, Silky and Snowy, then haul tail to the Friday Night Dance Party.

There were about 1,500 humans and 2,000 NHT at that party, most of us dancing up a storm. They had maybe a dozen DJs in rotation, including Silky (she was in a human body). The party went from 10:00 pm until 3:00 in the morning, but I left to crash at 2:15.

(Leon: I was there until the end. Every part of my body aches.)

(Sasha: So was I and I may need a wheelchair for the rest of the con.)

That’s pretty much all I have to report. Thanks for reading, folks!

Goldie

Five Things Not To Tell A Dragon

…#3: “I have a big bag of gold right here!”

 

CritterCon 11

Con Day One (By Max)

Hiya, folks! I’m writing this late and so I’m going to just give a basic rundown of what everyone did. If I leave anything out, I’m sure a commenter will correct me.

Breakfast: was at Waffles From Outer Space. That was the last time all of us were in the same place today.

Gaming: Daisy, myself, Sasha, Silky, Luke, Misty, the rest of our home gaming posse, our critter friends from on the bus and that spaniel named Chance all spent the day gaming in various ways. We plated boardgames, card games, LARPs, RPGs, minis games and video games. There were some quick passes through the Dealer’s room, but it was gaming from about 9:00 am until midnight for most of us.

Grace, Auntie Caroline and Auntie Mary mostly played boardgames and card games. They walked through the dealer’s room, too. Not sure if they played any RPGs. At a couple of points, Auntie Holly joined up with them.

Auntie Avis walked the Dealer’s Room, played some boardgames, played in a 4 hour RPG session and went to at least 2 seminars.

Mr. C, Spike, Gabriel and Brian were all over the place. I know Mr. C and Spike were each on a couple of seminar panels and attended at least one more. All of the guys played an RPG or two. They all walked the dealer’s room. I think Gabriel did some open mic thing in the new Purple Dragon Inn they set up for folks to relax in.

Lunch: I know Mr. C had lunch at Tamalemania and I think Grace ate at Killerburger. Daisy & I grabbed lunch at a new deli, Moe’s Bronx Deli. Most of the rest of the NHT went to a new NHT only place in the underground area. It’s called Wild Style and I hear it’s pretty good. Oh, and Sasha, Buster & Chance ate at Pizza My Heart.

Games Played: I asked around and here are some of the games we all played.

D&D Hillfolk Seventh Sea Dread Fluxx Unfair Gaslands Scythe Elder Sign Terraforming Mars Gorilla City: The Beginning Dungeon Dice Bean Trader Squirrel Invasion Savage Worlds Munchkin Zombie Dice Love Letter Power Grid Gloom Kingdomino Once Upon a Time.

Dinner: The humans all ate at Mistress Diana’s Dungeon Diner. We NHT mostly had food delivered to our games.

The Big Costume Party: The theme this year was Star Power and you had to dress up as somebody from your favorite space based sci fi series or movie. Naturally, Daisy & I and the gang were decked out as Starfleet crew. Mr. & Mrs. C and several of their friends went with Guardians of the Galaxy. Mr.C. Went as Groot and never once said anything other than “I am Groot” all night. Mrs. C went as Rocket. There were also lots of Firefly and Star Wars and Whovians and others. It was a great party and it’s a good thing I did not activate the intoxication subroutine in my body, because Daisy & Janet both did and then got hammered. If you have never tucked two giggling women into bed, it’s quite an experience.

So that’s my rather short report. Goldie is up for tomorrow.

Be seeing you.

Max

Doctor Silkmelon And Mister Porkwaffle Attend A Dance

…nothing at all like hilarity ensued

CritterCon 11

Trip Day Six/Con Day 0 (By Silky)

Hello everyone! It has been a fairly busy day, so let’s dive right into our recap.

Our first and only stop was at The World Famous Monster Cars Of Texas. This place has 205 cars, pickups, big rigs and motorcycles modified to look like monsters, or as Max said “mutant Transformers from Hell”. It’s a pretty interesting place and you can see how the mods on the cars has improved over the years. Some of them are pretty scary looking, but others are just kind of goofy. We were here for 90 minutes, plus another 15 in the gift shop.

(Sasha: I gave serious thought to tossing some nanites around, programmed to rebuild those cars and bring them to life.)

During the hour drive to the con, everyone went to the Slide Room and Daddy set it to Waterslide. It was a cool and refreshing and fun time. It was also during this time that we returned to our world.

(Goldie: Goodbye, alternate 1980!)

As we drove into the Critter City dome we saw video ads for a new restaurant, Tamalemania! And the newest All Goat Review, starring our sisters, Abigail & Beatrice. There were also ads for various con events.

(Misty: Odds of The Doctor eating at that tamale place? Dead certain!)

(Daisy: Yep, Daddy loves his tamales.)

(Sasha: Have to get tix to see Abbie & Bea!)

Our rooms & suites this year are at the brand new Hilton Underground Hotel. Critter City has been putting all new and many old businesses underground for the last three years. This has freed up a good chunk of land inside the dome, most of which is now set up as assorted pet parks.

(Penny: I need to try out that cat park.)

As soon as we NHT got to our spacious suite, Sasha ported in our pals from home. It was great to see Ollie, Snowy, Moose, Happy, Willy, Hector, Suzie, Pixie, Clara and Buster. There is also a new friend, Chance, who Sasha insists is just a springer spaniel, not a young boy in a spaniel body.

(Sasha: Yep, he’s just a nice young dog!)

(Chance: WOOF! Hahahahaha!)

I should note that while we are at the con, the Bus and all the SmartBots went off to BotEarth 3-B for a little vacation of their own.

(Luke: I wonder if the Bus will meet another nice vehicle for some…well, I’m not sure what.)

After an hour of everyone getting settled in, our now huge (34 sapients!) group headed over to grab our badges and swag bags. Turns out this year’s con theme is Spies, so the badges look like badges for MI6, CIA, KGB, and a host of others, including UNIT, IMF and U.N.C.L.E. The swag bag was a heavy duty cardboard briefcase. The con book inside was done up like a training manual and a bunch of dossier files. There were the usual discount cards for local businesses, a Spy vs Spy card game, a couple of spy dog/cat/pig/bunny/ferret minis, a commemorative D20 and a cool ballpoint pen that can fire little Nerf bullets. The wait in line to get this stuff was pretty short and the PA system was playing Bond movie theme songs.

(Leon: Leon Crane, Agent of S.H.E.I.L.D. here, baby!)

(Max: My name is Bunnington, Max Bunnington, of MI6. License to thrill.)

(Daisy: Ooh, baby!)

We left the convention center and walked across the street to our traditional hot dog lunch at Ed’s Big Weenie. We ate chili dogs and corn dogs and all sorts of hot dogs. As always, they were great. You just can’t beat Ed’s Big Weenie!

(Sadie: I love Ed’s Big Weenie.)

The next few hours were spent reading the con book, napping, talking with friends who had just arrived at the con and for a few of our party, getting laid.

(Max: Hey, rabbit here!)

(Luke: Hey, old horndog here!)

Around 6:00 we all went to dinner with about 40 more friends. We went to Curry On Eating! and had some of their excellent Indian food. I had a mild curry, as did Mom and several other folks. Daddy, Uncle Peter and a bunch of other nuts had the hot curry, and it must have been very hot, judging from the sweating.

(Luke: It was two hours before I could feel my tongue again!)

Once dinner was done, we all strolled around town for an hour, then headed for the pre-convention Ice Cream Social/Bourbonfest. Those of us not feeling like partaking of booze ate some ice cream, then returned to our rooms. Sasha, Janet, Buster, Snowy, Sadie, Ollie and Chance the definitely a dog, all played games. I think Mom, Auntie Mary & Auntie Holly sat and chatted a while.

The rest of us showed up about 1:00 am in varied states of inebriation, except Uncle Spike, Moose and Pixie, who don’t drink, and Auntie Avis and Hector, who only drink a little.

(Roxie: Folks, Silky has some great stories to tell after about her third shot of bourbon.)

(Leon: The one about her shitting on Nixon’s shoe was hilarious!)

And now everyone is asleep and I’m finishing this up. Tomorrow, it’s con time!

De beaux rêves, mes amis.
Silky

Destination Sign When We Started: The Little House On The Prairie
Destination Sign When We Stopped: Nehwon