Floggy, The S&M Cat

…NOT a story for children


Doc Update

1: A few weeks ago, I straightened up the game room and turned it into a game room/writing room. This weekend, my madness is forcing me to re-do the library so you can actually walk through it and use the treadmill.

2: If you are going to Dundracon in February and want to play in my TOON game, drop by the game and ask about playing. There will be 10 official places in the game, but I might go as high as 14 players total. Preference given to women and folks who have never played before.

3: Healthwise, everybody here at The D&G Cross Home For Wayward Basset Hounds is in goods health, relatively speaking.

4:  Realized last night that this will be the first Xmas in my life without my mother alive. A sad thing, but Mom wouldn’t want anyone “moping around” about it.

5:  Got no writing done last weekend, so I’ll be trying to get a bunch done this weekend.

6:  Only a few days until The Hobbit hits theaters. I may go to a late showing on Saturday night.

The Giant Blog From Inner Space!

…starring John Agar, Kenneth Tobey and John Carradine


No Doclopedia post yesterday or today, but I might squeak one in tonight before midnight. If not, at least three tomorrow.

If you haven’t read my posts on Facebook, my mom’s health has taken a downturn and we aren’t sure how much longer she has to live. She’s at home and getting help for bathing & such, plus she has oxygen. No medical treatment, since she is beyond that point. She’s still alert and on the ball, but her body is giving out.

More bloggage later.





…relax, it’s just a nonsense word

Doc Update!

1: As announced earlier elsewhere, the doctor took the stitches out of my shoulder and told me I’ll be cleared to go back to work as soon as I feel up to it. Given that my arm is a bit weak from lack of use and still has a tiny bit of pain in the shoulder, I reckon I’ll be off work at least another week or two.

2: I finished reading “I Am Half-Sick Of Shadows”, the fourth Flavia de Luce novel by Alan Bradley. It was, as they all have been, a darned good read and a good mystery.

3: I’ve also finished Doc Savage: The Lost Radio Scripts of Lester Dent. It’s a pretty interesting read and look back at how radio scripts were written. Considering that pretty much each episode was a self contained story presented in 15 minutes, they are pretty good tales. It would be great if somebody could produce them again, probably for internet radio.

4: My Sweet Little Pork Tamale Of Love, Grace, is doing very well in her battle against diabetes. She has lowered her numbers significantly in the last month or so. GO GRACE!

5: Lucy and Sasha, AKA The Girls, are fit as canine fiddles and living the good life. Whoever thought that saying “a dog’s life” or “treated like a dog” was a bad thing?

6: I am still about 10 1/2 months and 364 entries away from my goal of 500 Doclopedia entries, but I’m chipping away at it. I’m more than halfway through my repat tackling of the alphabet and I have an idea of what the next couple of themes will be.

7: On another writing front, also mentioned elsewhere, I’m going along nicely on my rewrites of the previous four DogCon/CatCon fictional convention reports. The first one was rather short, so it’s getting some serious beefing up. The second and fourth are getting a smaller dose of love and the third, massive one, is getting only a minor polishing. Seeing as how those four will make up about 90 entries…AND I need to start the fifth one (which I’m writing in advance) by the end of July…I’ll start reposting them on the fiction blog about the end of March.

8:My veggie garden plans are not firmed up yet, but I’m just waiting for the rainy season to pass and then it’s on, baby!

And now, I have chores to to before writing, or my wife and dogs will beat me about the head and shoulders.

I’m Back


That is the third time I have used that subject line. Each time has come after a hiatus following a dog’s death and I’m really hoping not to have that happen again for several years.

As always, we want to thank everybody for the kind words here, on Facebook and elsewhere. They really meant a lot to us.

Grace and I are getting along ok, for the most part. It will be a year or so before the hole in our hearts really begins to close, but we’ll get by.

Lucy and Sasha, being dogs and therefore much better able to handle these things than we mere humans, are doing well and getting much love.

In a few days (on the 7th) I go in for my shoulder surgery, that will put me offline again for at least 3-4 days. Before then, I hope to make up for lost time with a bunch of Doclopedia posts.

Again, thank you, everybody. Y’all rock.

It Was Time For Hot Chocolate And Bourbon

…together in a large mug

Doc Update

1: Dundracon was great. Was going to write a report here, but…

…2: Winker is not feeling well at all. It’s her heart acting up again.

3: Healthwise, I’m doing ok, but I’m back on the Diet Train.

4: I’ll do Doclopedia entries tonight or tomorrow.

More blogging later.

Talking Business With Mom

Around 11:30 this morning, just after returning from breakfast out with Grace, the phone rang and it was my mom calling. In typical fashion for my mother when she wants to talk about something serious, she was very vague, saying only that she needed me to come up to her house in Marysville to discuss “business”. Since we are not actually involved in a business, I knew that it at least in part meant money.

So a couple hours later, I drove up there and got the scoop.

First she told me that she was going to sign her car, which we are buying from her since last june, over to us. I pretty much expected that.

Then she told me that a couple of months ago, she found a lump on her breast. Now, if there is one thing my mom knows about, it’s cancer. Her mother and her mother’s twin sister both died of it. one of my mom’s own sister’s died of it. My dad and stepdad both died of it. And in the early 1960’s, my mom herself fought it and survived it.

So she went a week or so ago to see my sister’s no nonsense doctor, who told her it was almost certainly cancer. But there were no tests done yet.

And there won’t be too many done next week when Mom goes in again. A few blood tests and an x-ray is all that will be done.

Why? Because that is all Mom wants done. She firmly told the doctor that there would be no big needles, no cutting open, no painful tests. Should it prove to be a malignant tumor, there will be no chemotherapy, no surgery, no radiation…in short, no treatment. Pain meds when the pain gets bad, but that is it.

Also no hospice or hospitals.

As Mom told me, she’s nearly 84 and not inclined to suffer all of those tests and treatments only to find out they didn’t work or if they did, just to “hang around a few more years all weak with parts missing”.

Now, I could have argued with her (amazingly, neither of my siblings did) and, given that I have all the legal powers over her that she could give me a few years ago, I could force her to get treatment, but that ain’t gonna happen.

Mom has made her choice and, were I in her place, it would probably be the one I would make. She is opting to go forward on her terms, knowing full well what the end will be. It’s her choice to make.

Some people might think this is crazy and ask why she would not fight for every extra secondminutehourdayweekmonthyear she could get. I’m not sure they would understand, but here’s my (and Grace’s take on it.

Life is not about the destination, because we all end up at the same place in the end. Life is about the journey.

And my mom has had a long, extremely eventful journey full of all those things humans experience. Maybe more than many experience. She’s lived though the Great Depression, many wars, social upheaval, love, childbirth, pain, happiness, loss…everything that happened to her between 1928 and the present.

But the last few years have been a pretty lonely stretch of the journey. Two husbands and all of her siblings gone, along with just about every friend her own age and several who were younger…children and grandchildren all grown up…health pretty good, but a touch less every year…less and less desire to go places she’s been to a million times. Life has become more of a burden and I think Mom is tired of carrying it.

She’s winding down. We all do it sooner or later, but for some people it’s just easier to do. If you know that sort of person, it’s easier to see. I’ve seen it happening to Mom over the past 3-4 years.

Does this bother me? No, not at all. Everybody should be able to check out of this life whenever they truly want to. My mom is no exception. As I said before, it’s her choice

Now, Mom told me that she will stick around as long as she can, and she may well last a good long while. Hell, the lump in her breast could be benign. She’s in a remarkably calm and fatalistic mood about all this and her sense of humor is still sharp.

But being of Irish stock, we’ll go into this thinking Death is just outside waiting in his car, ready to come ring the doorbell anywhere from tomorrow to years from now. We’ll assume Mom is dying. After all the cancer related deaths in our family, it’s how we roll.

I love my mother and when she is gone, I’ll miss her very much, but until then, I’ll play this out by Mom’s rules.

Thanks for listening.

True Tails Of The Winkerdog

…co-starring her sisters, Neurotic Nelly and Speedy McBarksalot

In Which I Prepare To Jump Into The Fire

As I’ve mentioned a few times over the interwebs, I’m going to have outpatient surgery on my fucked up left shoulder on March 7th. This will put me out of work for about 6 weeks, assuming I heal with my usual alacrity. I’d rather not miss the bulk of 6 weeks pay, but I also don’t want the fucked up shoulder, so there ya go.

Now, in the past 2-3 weeks, I’ve felt a slow unrest building. Not the “dump the wife for a sports car and 20 year old hottie” kind of unrest, which I couldn’t afford anyway, but a creative unrest coupled with a growing desire to open yet another chapter of my not lacking in chapters life.

In addition to all that, I recently turned 58 years old. That most likely puts me in the last third of my lifespan, barring some really cool technological advances. I figure with only 30 or so years left, I might as well jump. And this is what I want to do…

I want to do other things to make a living. I want to get away, if only partially, from hourly wage slavery. I want to let my inner artist, who works mostly with words but has in the past worked in clay and other materials, go loose in the world. He has some ideas which may or may not make much money, but would allow for having more fun and maybe make some people happy. Preferably in exchange for cash.

I’ve got a pretty bitchin’, yet not overly complex, idea for a novel told using mostly photographs.

I have an opening to do some game writing for pay, which I haven’t done in a while due to not liking most of the game systems out there.

I’m working out ways to pair some of my writing with some sculpting. This has some pretty good “make my fellow geeks and many women go SQUEE!” potential.

I think I’ve finally cracked how a guy with negative talent at drawing can do a pretty cool webcomic.

I have a shitload of glass jars just begging to be painted up and sold cheap to people who like knickknack.

I’ve got a fuckin’ green thumb that won’t quit and people just love buying fresh herbs.

To name but a few ideas in my head.

This is all pretty risky on several levels. I absolutely cannot risk much cash, but then, I don’t think I’ll need much to start out. I might also be risking a big upheaval of my normal routine, but that’s a risk that almost certainly has a 90% upside.

I may risk some interpersonal things, because when the creative madness grabs hold, I tend to get a bit odd to deal with. No, really, I mean odder than usual. Not surly or mean or anything, just not quite operating totally in this reality. My mind starts racing and I’m not thinking of the sorts of things ordinary humans think of.

The biggest risk is to my ego, which is Godzilla sized. Failure would be pretty damned unpleasant. On the other hand, it’s not like failure and I haven’t taken long hot showers together in the past, so I reckon I’ll just have to dive in and to hell with the outcome.

Anyway, once the first week or two of my post op is past, I’ll be a two armed tool user again and have a few weeks to give this all a shot. Also, the thought of not having to watch daytime television for 6 weeks is pretty fucking motivating if you want to start a new chapter in your life.

There it is, Gentle Readers, a bit of the old opening up. Thank you for indulging me as I got all of that out of my head and into the light of day.

I’ll do a Doclopedia post ASAP as a thank you gift:)


After The Change Came: Series 2


Sin Is Where You Find Him

And today, that means you’ll find me at home being a total lazybones. Babe and I are just hanging out, eating whatever and watching all manner of things on the big screen monitor. Right now, that means the new steampunk series from the BBC “Solomon & Darke”, which is pretty damned great. I am loving those outfits on the Royal Air Service flygirls. Must look into getting one. Outfit, not flygirl. Well, okay, I’d take the flygirl, too.

After the steampunk, I think we’ll watch “Big Trouble In Middle Earth”, which is possibly the funniest movie I’ve ever seen aside from “Blazing Saddles”. Knowing that many of my gaming & fandom pals had bit parts in this low budget cinematic mashup makes it that much funnier.

Dinner tonight will be at Roscoe and GiGi’s house. Their house elf, Koko, is an excellent cook, so I’m looking forward to chowing down on his Jamaican specialties. Of course, playing with the puppies will also be big fun.

Late tonight, it’s going to be Creature Features time. Babe has never seen “Attack of the Mushroom People”, so this should be fun.

Oooh…look, a big bag of cookies! More blogging later.

The Mysterious and Tense, Yet Somewhat Psychedelic, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Meatloaf Of The Damned

…co-starring her best buddy, Orville Sweetcracker

Doc Update

Time for an update about life here at the D&G Cross Home For Wayward Basset Bitches. I haven’t been doing these as regularly as I used to, so maybe this will be the start of renewed personal updatage. Or not.

Healthwise, I’m now taking blood pressure meds due to my previously excellent BP going a bit high recently. I’m only taking half a pill a day, so I guess I’m not in danger of keeling over any time soon. I’ve also been told that my blood sugar is “nearly into the pre-diabetic range”, which pretty much means “lose some weight, fat boy!”.

Grace’s low level diabetes has cranked up a notch, so she is taking pills now and keeping a much closer eye on her numbers with twice daily tests. She has lost something like 75 pounds over the last year or so, but will keep on losing until things improve.

Winker is still taking her blood thinner and her diuretic, so she is doing pretty darned well for a dog who was so close to death just about a year ago.

Lucy and Sasha are as healthy as can be. In fact, our efforts to fatten Sasha up just a bit (she was very skinny when we adopted her) have not been as successful as we hoped. Being a “sporty” basset, she just burns off calories at a hell of a rate. Still, we have gotten her to a point where you can’t see her ribs.

Jobwise, things are still the same, which means we will be on our Adventure In Poverty until we either get fat raises or win the lottery.

One speed bump in our financial road will come when I am off work after my shoulder operation in March. That will be about 6 weeks, depending upon how well my physical therapy goes. Things will be very tight on the money front for awhile.

Gardenwise, I don’t know if we’ll have a veggie garden this year. Between the goofy ass weather (as in NO WINTER!) and my surgery/recovery, we’ll probably just have a couple of tomato plants and maybe some green beans.

In gaming news, I’m looking forward to my annual trek to Dundracon. It will be good to be immersed in geekdom and hang out with my tribe for a few days. Beyond that, I’m planning on getting my gaming group together in late April for some regular roleplaying again. I’m not sure what genre we’ll play in, but some sort of Pulp Era game sounds good.

Hark! I hear certain hounds telling me that it is time for walkies. More bloggage soon!


After The Change Came: Series 2

Sin On Horseback

Once again, I haven’t written in a week. This time, the reason is that Doc and I have been drafted by several Wizards to go off on some cockamamie road trip looking for, as they put it “signs of something troubling”. Did they know what the signs would be? No. Did they know what the troubling thing might be? No. Did they know who the hell was behind these signs of troubling crap that Wizards didn’t know anything about? Hell no! They just told us to head northeast from Sacramento starting at noon on Tuesday, which we did. On horseback. Well, actually, muleback, since Doc prefers mules to horses.

Not that these are just any mules, don’t you know. Sirroco (Rocky) and Bellflower (Belle) are, Smart Mules, born of the first Smart Horse and Smart Donkey. Unlike many brothers and sisters, they get along very well. Unlike most mules, they are both fertile, so one day if they find mates, they could produce more Smart Mules.

So far, our trip has taken us way up into the Sierras, where besides freezing our asses off, we happened upon the remains of an abandoned lakeside village that had burned to the ground some months ago. After a bit of sleuthing, we determined that it had been torched on purpose, almost certainly by magical fire.. Doc, ever the Nature Boy, also noted that there was a very faint trail leading west. We followed it down into the foothills, passing areas that might have been camps last summer. At one of these camps, I found some large footprints in what had been mud, but was now nearly hard as rock due to our dry winter.

The footprints were nearly as large as Doc’s feet (which means long and very wide) and whoever made them probably weighed in excess of 200 pounds and wore soft leather footwear. Doc looked at those footprints a long while, then went to a pond about half a mile away. When he came back, all he would say is that his spider sense was tingling and we needed to pick up the pace.

That was yesterday and this morning we lost the trail after coming to an intersection of two paved roads. After thinking a bit, Doc decided to turn north for a bit, which is why tonight we are staying at a small hotel in Chico. I am so glad to have a hot shower and a real bed to sleep in. Unlike Old Yellow Eyes, I’m a city boy. Camping out is fun about once or twice a year…in the summer. This winter camping and riding all day is nuts. My poor ass feels like it has been hit by a truck after six days in the saddle. I’m also not too happy to have to dress all butch for a week or more.

Unfortunately, my complaints would fall on deaf ears even if I could find a Wizard to bitch at. Doc understands that this isn’t my preferred lifestyle, but we appear to be onto something big and he’s all in thinking mode, so it would be wrong to bother him. I guess I’ll just slip into the nice warm bed and sleep until the inevitable too fucking early o’clock wake up call.

More bloggage soon.

Handsome Joe Catches A Rabbit

…and has no idea what to do with it

Saturday In Review

Aside from starting the diet, today was pretty much a cockup as far as my plans went. First off, the only Home Depot that rents weed whackers rented them all out by the time I got there. That hosed my main gardening plans. I still did some yard work and transplanting, so it wasn’t a total loss.

Didn’t watch movies with Grace due to her being somewhat under the weather. The two filthy bitches are still dirty & stinky, but in a very cute and sweet manner. They will get washed tomorrow for sure.

I did grocery shopping and walked Lucy twice and I finished reading “World War Z”. I highly reccomend it to anybody not put off by the sometimes gory zombie subject matter.

I did no writing, but I do think today was more of a resting day than a writing day. Tomorrow should be more writing friendly.

I may not weed whack the yard until next weekend, since I have to take Grace to the doctor and a couple of other places. I will continue transplanting plants from pots to the driveway garden and I may just dig up a few plants from other garden spots and stick ’em in there for the winter.

Hmmm…I’m getting the urge both eat a snack (yogurt with blueberries) and do some editing/rewriting on older stuff.

I’m outta here. More bloggage soon.

Crazed Ichthyosaurs Terrorized My Sea Hares With Spotted Spurge

…I’ll wait while you google it

Chapter 777: In Which Your Humble Narrator Hits The Wall

Those of you who read my fiction blog will have noticed that I haven’t posted anything there for several days. On Facebook, my comments and posts have slowed to a trickle. It’s been three days since I did any rewriting or editing of anything.

The reasons for all of this are varied. Not sleeping enough or well…not eating properly…worrying about Grace and Winker and their health problems…pissed off that my weight has gone up again…headaches…etc, etc.

I’ve mentioned recently that I’m taking Monday & Tuesday off this coming week to have another little staycation. The way things are shaping up, it should go a long way towards getting me back on the writing path, as well as get me on the diet path. Generally speaking, it’s looking like this will be my schedule…

Saturday: Start strict diet and walking schedule…rent weed whacker and lay waste to my weedy foes all over my property…wash filthy bitches…watch movies with my sweetie

Sunday: Sleep in…walk a mile or two…go shopping with Grace…apply organic herbacides to the remnants of my weedy foes…relax & write…cook & clean…relax some more

Monday: Sleep in…walk…write…clean house…walk…write…cook…relax

Tuesday: Same as Monday, except for a short break for my regular UVB treatment

My goals for this 4 day weekend are: Get the yards ready for some Serious Renovation…Get back in the habit of walking (both on the treadmill and on the road)… Get back to eating right…Catch up on sleep…Resume writing and get at least a week ahead on Doclopedia posts and fiction posts.

We shall see on Wednesday morning how well I did.

The Blatantly Pornographic, Yet Still Somehow Work Safe, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Three Hunky Guys

…co-starring her best friend, Fully Flexible Francine

Doc Update #47,003

READING: World War Z by Max Brooks
EATING: Too damned much. Severe dieting & exercise starts soon
DOING: Removal of summer garden veggies/Planting of the winter garden veggies.
WRITING: As much as possible, but still not enough.
LISTENING: To more Americana and Swing, less Rock and Country
PREPARING: For a bunch of garden digging and Fall Curryfest.
THINKING: About getting a new gaming group together to try out an idea for an adventure series. If you live in or near Sacramento and want to play, leave a comment below. Also: old gaming group will restart soon!
ANTICIPATING: Four day Fall Mini Staycation!
SAVING: Money for 15th Anniversary, DunDraCon, Xmas & my birthday, in that order.
BORED: With politics on all levels. Let’s just move on to the bloody revolution and get it over with.
WANTING: A new laptop, since this one is a dinosaur…an old, sick dinosaur.

And now, the last of the Doclopedia re-posts from the alternate future as detailed last month.


The Doclopedia #384

 When I Ruled The World: Titan Red

 I was built to conquer the world, you know, not rule it. That was to be the job of Professor Grimes and his associates. I would conquer, they would rule. It was a simple enough plan, but like most plans, there was plenty of room for error.

 Not on my part, of course. I was more than able to stride across the civilized countries of the world and lay waste to their armies. It’s quite easy when you are 80 feet tall, indestructible and armed with destructo rays, electro pulses and a wide variety of other weapons. Personally, I always liked the destructo ray. Just look at something, activate the ray and watch it blow up! What could be simpler to use or more demoralizing to your opponent? Did you know that I only had to use the destructo ray once to get the entire French army to surrender? Of course, not every country was such a pushover. The Americans and the Russians in particular fought me until they were practically using their bare hands! I have the greatest respect for them.

 So I held up my end and conquered the world, but shortly before I finished, Professor Grimes, Professor Hartmann and most of the rest of the team were killed by an experiment gone wrong. Something to do with bacteria, I’m told. Anyway, it left only Professors Brinlay and Okobashi to rule the world and they were none too keen on or qualified for the job. They had always assumed that Professor Grimes or Professor Hartmann or one of the other, more aggressive scientists would do the actual ruling and let them pursue their studies of meteorology and marine biology, respectively.

 So they told me to do it.

 I really had very little idea of how to do anything but destroy armies and intimidate humans, so I asked them if they could at least give me a list of demands to issue to the people. They did so and I relayed these to the conqured populace of the world. They were…

 1: Dismantle any remaining militaries.

2: Build more schools of all types.

3: Supply the World Science League (the above mentioned two professors) with whatever they might ask for.

4: Crack down on crime.

5: Go about your business and live good lives.

 This all went exceedingly well for a good number of years. Once in awhile the League (which was recruiting new members on a regular basis) would add something else to the list…I know that lowering the price of chocolate was very popular…but mostly, they let things just go along without much supervision. Of course, that is what eventually undid things for them.

 You see, with nothing to do on the death and destruction front, I was mostly just wandering about giving people a reminder that Titan Red had beaten them once and would do it again if he had to. There was no visible resistance to my rule, so I naturally assumed that everyone was towing the line. Silly me.

In 1925, those pesky Americans and their Russian partners rose up in defiance, killed the members of the League and very nearly destroyed me. They were a creative and cunning lot and had spent the three plus decades of my rule working in secret to build weapons to use against me. The sonic bombs and the plasma guns were just first rate, I’ll tell you. Oh, how we slugged it out! That great big crater where St. Louis used to be? That was created by eight solid days of fighting! It was wonderful!

 Eventually, I was pushed to the point where I had to decide between fight or flight. It’s a testament to my advanced circuitry that I had evolved enough to know that he who fights and runs away lives to fight another day. After sending out a message saying that humans could have the ruling of the world back, I went into hiding in the remote north woods of Canada.

 That was 122 years ago and I changed locations every few decades. Then that United Earth science team located me using a pair of satellites and came to offer me amnesty. It seems that I’m no longer a threat, now that your technology can so easily destroy me. Instead, they’ve offered me a job as a sort of “living history” exhibit in the World Museum of Science. I’m quite looking forward to it, I must say.

The Doclopedia #385

When I Ruled The World: The Green Gangster

1966 was a great year for me, I’ll tell ya. Right off the bat, January 5th, I kick the oh-so-heroic ass of Silver Eagle and goddamn Aussie prick, The Destructor. See, I’d been partnered up with Destructor for a couple of months…robbing various national treasuries and such…and he let me use one of his weapons. He was all “At some point in the fight, I’ll let Silver Eagle knock me back and then you can shoot him with the Destructo Beam” and I’m thinking “yeah, well fuck you, kangaroo dick, I’m gonna shoot you both”. Which I did and it surprised the hell outta all of us when they both fell to the ground. Of course, slamming into the ground surprised them even more, since it friggin’ near killed ’em! That’s when I realized that the Destructo Beam wasn’t working right and instead of fryin’ a superhuman, it removed their powers. Just to be sure, when the Legion Of Justice showed up a few minutes later to help old Silver Eagle out, I zapped the six of them. Then, once they were just normal humans, I slapped ’em all around before I made my exit.

Speakin’ of normal humans, I shot a few of them, too. Nothin’ happened, so I decide to head back to my secret lair and plan out how to best start ridding the world of superhumans. First thing I did was get hold of The Duplicator and have him make about 2 dozen copies of the Destructo Beam. Then I shot him with one of them and then kicked his powerless ass to the curb. After that, it was as easy as letting the superhuman crowd know that I was the one who got rid of Silver Eagle and the rest of them bums.

I’m tellin’ ya, it was like shootin’ fish in a barrel! A gang of supervillains would show up the same time as a bunch of heroes, they’d all start fightin’ and then my gang and I would pick ’em off. Inside of a week, we had eliminated 90% of the superhumans on earth. Huntin’ down that last 10% took another month, but when we were done, I was the last superhuman on the planet. Naturally, I destroyed all the copies of the Destructo Beam and hid the original real good.

Conquering the world…and I mean the who fuckin’ world, Jack…took me 6 months of hard work, but it was worth it. Hey, when yer the only guy on the planet with steel hard skin, super strength and the ability to fly at just under Mach 6, you get shit done when you want it done. My castle, there where downtown Chicago used to be, that place was nice. Always full of good booze, fine food, hot chicks and world leaders just lookin’ to kiss my ass. Hahaha!

Yeah, 1966 was great and so was 1967 through 1969. Then it all went to hell on me. See, I’d figured that I had nothin’ to fear from the non-super powered heroes. I mean, I could swat guys like Dark Hunter and Detective X into an early grave, right? You betcha!

But I didn’t think that they just might infiltrate my gang, go through my personal stuff and figure out where I’d hidden that last Destructo Beam. Fuckin’ detectives! So because I’d misjudged those mooks, I get shot square in the gut on the morning of February 17th, 1969 and lose my powers. My gang starts shooting each other, but they miss the detectives. Meanwhile, I’m running like hell for my secret escape tunnel when Miss Judge clocks me in the head with a sweeping kick. When I wake up, I’m in a cell and I ain’t been out of one in the last 26 years.

The worst thing about the whole friggin’ affair was that I didn’t even get rid of all the superhumans! Seems that many of ’em had secret identities and families and kids. Puberty comes around and suddenly, the world has superheroes and supervillains again.

But ya know, there for awhile, I had the world by the ass, buddy.

The Doclopedia #386

 When I Ruled The World: Queen Elior of Caltria

 When I ruled the world, there was peace and plenty. There were artists working on projects that would last a thousand years. Poets and authors created wonderful works and there was a thriving theater community doing all manner of plays and other stage shows. Women were treated exactly as men under my legal system.

 The study of magic was opened up to anyone with the talent. I ordered the construction of many schools for young wizards & witches. Universities were established so that older and more powerful wizards could collaborate on unlocking the great magical mysteries.

 Children all got an excellent education and there were more than enough jobs to go around for the adults. I set aside vast tracts of land for the preservation of both animals and the non-human races who wished to live there. Great public works minimized the chances of floods and droughts. I ordered the building and maintenance of roads on all continents.

 I promoted sobriety and made gambling illegal. The looting of dungeons and other ancient ruins was very heavily taxed and restricted. War was a thing of the past, along with poverty and most major crime.

 It was a golden age, those fifty three years. A pity that it did not, could not last.

 It seems that my advisors and I seriously underestimated the deep need of most races to wallow in sin, vice, conflict and misfortune. Give people perfection and they rush to it and embrace it lovingly…for awhile. Soon enough, they go looking for trouble and even an army of spirit warriors such as mine cannot stop them from finding it.

 Ah yes, my army of souls, a bit of a miscalculation there, too. The initial war of conquest took 17 years before the entire planet was under my rule. During that time, the spirit army enjoyed their work. Afterwards, however, they found the boring duties of a peacetime force to be stifling. I allowed half the army to leave this plane after the ten year mark, then half of the remainder was let go at the twenty five year point. On the fiftieth anniversary, I let the rest go, sure that I had established a new and educated populace that would be better than their ancestors. How wrong I was.

 Three years later and here I am, living a good life of exile on an island nobody can ever locate. The world, while still better in many ways than it was before my rule, is much as it was before I took it over. There are wars, sneaky dealings, adventurers everywhere, monsters terrorizing the countryside…it pains me to go on.

 I’m told that already there are people, mostly powerful wizards, plotting to conquer the world. To that I can only say “Good luck holding on to it if you do”. 

Sects & Vile Inns

…I have no shame

Doc Update

1: As this post proves, my attempt to do general blogging on a regular schedule is failing miserably.

2: On the other hand, the fiction blog is getting new posts 6 days a week.

3: I’ll be having another 4 day staycation from October 22-25. The theme of this one is “Rearrange and Organize, then Write More”. We’ll see how that goes.

4: Spinach, lettuce & winter veg in the ground this weekend, you bet!

5: Is there anything you, Gentle Readers, whould like to see me blog about? That is, assuming you are even reading this, let alone commenting. Which you are not. Commenting, I mean.

And now, time for some of that fiction writing. More blogging here soon.

Eating Tacos In Freefall

…eat fast, amigo

Ok, no Doclopedia post just yet, but hey, I only have 100 more to go to hit the 365 goal!

I was asked the other day what will become of the Doclopedia posts after the 365 point. Here’s the low down…

I’ll still do Doclopedia posts, but most of them will go up directly on my The Dociverse website. Maybe 1 or 2 a week will go up here, which ain’t bad since I’m only going to do 4 per week.

On the days I don’t do Doclopedia posts, I hope to post short fiction, reviews and other writings here. Again, some of the things I’ll write will be website exclusive.

Finally, I’ll also be working on compiling a PDF or two for sale. First up will be a compilation of characters from the Doclopedia, expanded and with a few all new ones.

And on top of all that, I’ll still be doing regular fiction blog posts, Facebook posts and who knows what else.

Doc Tempest And The Demon On The Radio

…from the December 1930 issue

And the weekend starts off poorly…

Broke a tooth off of my upper dental plate. I won’t be able to see the dentist for about a week, at which time I’ll get a whole new plate made, since I’m way overdue for one.

I’m about to head off for the Sacramento ASPCA Spring Book Sale, which lasts for 9 days and usually nets me some good reading.

Later on, it’s gardening time! I am seriously considering having a plant sale next weekend. I have a ton of extra plants that need new homes.

I’m outta here. More blogging later.



Chicken Pot Spy

…those spies can be anywhere

A few Doc Updates…

  1. I’m getting the gardening jones bad, but the rainy weather keeps me from doing anything but crushing snails on the sidewalk. O Spring, when will thou come in earnest?
  2. I’m formulating plans to start a new series for my gaming group, which has not played in about a year and a half. I think we’ll go with fantasy.
  3. The votes over on my Live Journal blog are running 5 to 1 in favor of me turning it into a total fiction blog.
  4. Winker is still doing very well.
  5. It’s time for me to hit the sack. More bloggage soon.

How To Give A Pedicure To A Mink

…Step one: wear bite proof gloves and a face mask.

Quick Doc Update

Reading: The latest issue of The Mother Earth News
Eating: Cream of Wheat
Drinking: Hot black tea
Watching: The Cooking Channel
Growing: Late summer and fall/winter veggies
Thinking: About selling Doclopedia PDFs
Petting: The Winkerdog
Preparing: To go buy a new kitchen faucet

The Moderately Evil Plan Of Professor Breem

…he’s trying to work up to unspeakably evil

Doc Update

1: Everyone here at the homestead is healthy, altho My Sweet Angel is wearing out after a year and a half of working her job AND doing mystery shops.

2: I appear to be getting a major boost in hours at work, which is good and will help take some of the mystery shopping weight off of Grace and I. Unfortunately, the nes route I’ll be driving means that Grace & I will only see each other early in the morning (if I wake up) and on weekends. Still, we desperately need the $$, sob we’ll dealn with it.

3: Once me new hours kick in (next Monday), I’ll be alerting my regular gaming group about a restart to our roleplaying.

4: Both my game proposal and my seminar proposal were accepted for DunDraCon. If you plan on being at the con, stop by.

More bogging later!

A Song…A Dance…A Fireball In Your Pants

…beware of wacky wizards

My Plans For Today

1: Write/edit stuff for the Coming Real Soon Now website. By “write” I mostly mean write and watch tv and give demanding dogs and wives some attention.

2: Rearrange things in the library. Since this means moving heavy boxes of books & stuff, I can be sure of no interruptions from the above mentioned dogs or wife.

3: Straighten up game room. Possibly with supervision by a certain visually impaired basset hound.

4: Go to the store to buy food, then come home to cook it. Alone at last!

5 Eat dinner and finish watching Season One, Disc One of “Sanctuary”.

That is all.

The Secret Life Of Old T-Shirts

…especially the old convention tees

Fast Doc Update

Keyboard on laptop still fucking up, but Grace has all info to fix it soon.

Everyone here is healthy, altho Grace and I are running an exhaustion marathon due to work, work, work.

The Girls are on a diet. Mostly, it’s Winker (AKA “Little Chub Chub”) who needs to lose some pounds, but they both enjoy eating a 25% veggie stew diet.

I’ve been using Grace’s desktop computer to go online, but since it is nearly a piece of steampunk tech, it is painfully slow.

Gotta run now. Exposure to UVB rays awaits. More bloggage later.

Doc Tempest And The Boy Wizard

…from the December, 2005 issue

Quick Doc Update

Eating: Cream of Wheat

Reading: “The Lies Of Locke Lamora”

Listening To: “Aqualung” by Jethro Tull

Watching: “John Adams”

Planting: Herbs, corn, beans, watermelon

Cooking: Docburgers

Petting: Lucy & Winker

Surfing: Old School Roleplaying Sites

Delaying: Our family trip to the coast

More stuff later.

Spider And His Crew Scored A Grand Slam

…it was all in the planning, really

Doc Update

1: Less than two weeks until Dundracon! Need to finish characters and some other stuff for the game! Aaiiieeee!!!

2: They say we have rain coming this week. I’ll believe it when I see it.

3: I am going to have to do one of my periodic slimming of my Friends List. Please do not be offended if I remove you. There are just too many of you to read every day.

4: So, my little chums, should I plant some of the Gigantic Hawaiian Gourds this year? They go apeshit in this climate, with some vines reaching over 60 feet long. On the other hand, seeing those basketball sized gourds stops sidewalk traffic cold.

5: We have been getting a whole lot of skunk activity in the neighborhood lately. Haven’t actually seen any yet, but man oh man, you can smell ’em.

6: Speaking skunks, a recent episode of “Nature” on PBS was all about them. It also featured my home town, Marysville, California, quite prominently. Apparently, Marysville has both large skunk and feral cat populations and the skunks are chowing down on food left out for the cats.

7: Another Cryptic Message To My Friend In Exile: Discussion forum is now set up and secure. As for the other thing, I’d say 75% or better. Not good, I know, but if you have no other options…

8: Everything here at The Cross Family Resort For One Eyed Basset Hounds goes ok. Health is good, finances suck, work is work, weather is excellent (but very dry) and the above mentioned hound is both sweet and spoiled.

9: Going sorta back up to point 1 on this list…Who among you will be at Dundracon?

Time to walk Winker, eat lunch, then head out to work. More bloggage later.

Linguini With Clown Sauce

…it’s funny, the things we hear incorrectly

Doc Update

1: Not dead, just haven’t been motivated to blog these past couple of days.

2: The Fourth of July was no big deal for us (as with most holidays), except for dealing with poor Daisy, who is terrified by the noise of fireworks. Even after giving her a tranquilizer, she was still shaking and panting for hours. Next year, we’re gonna go camping far away from all the noise.

3: Made Pork Stroganoff Friday night and it was yummy. Why pork, you purists may well ask. Well, pork was on sale and beef was not.

4: Job hunting situation may take a turn for the better soon. Won’t go into detail until I know more.

5: All the work outside in the garden is giving me a pretty nice upper body tan…for a mostly Irish white guy:)

6: Later today, I’ll attempt to make pickles. We shall see how that turns out.

Gotta go. More bloggage soon.

The Eerily Haunting, Yet Laugh Out Loud Funny, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Crazy Cow

…co-starring her new pal, Luther Broadbean

Doc Updates: Fair And Balanced

1: Grace, The Girls and I will be doing pretty much nothing on July 4th. We’ve no money to get out of town and even if we did, most of the state is either on fire or already burnt. Instead, we shall stay home, eat food cooked on a hot grill and then drug Daisy up so that she doesn’t freak out later when the fireworks start.

2: Still no job offers. Next week, I lower my expectations and start applying at fast food joints.

3: Work on the Fall RPG Series maps goes well. So far, I’ve done about 1/2 of 1% of a huge, 5,000 mile wide continent:) But the details are really nice:)

4: The air quality here still sucks, but at least the sky is mostly blue. And temperatures are nice: High 80’s to Low 90’s.

5: Soon, my freezer will explode due to all the zucchini stuffed into it.

6: I have taken to popping up in RPGnet review comment threads and forum discussions again. I use my AgentRoscoe identity for this. Sometimes I post thoughtful comments, sometimes I say shit just to get the AD&D 4E Kool Aid drinkers stirred up:)

7: Must go now and cook some chicken for My Sweet Little Skateboarding Triceratops Of Love. More bloggage, possibly of a gaming related nature, later.

The Secret Room Was Full Of Treasures

…for about 45 minutes

Doc Update

1: Still no job, but I’m applying at every business that uses human labor.

2: Another huge tree limb fell, but it did no real damage and cost us only a couple of hours of our time to deal with.

3: My doctor tells me I do NOT have rhuematoid arthritis in my right wrist.

4: On the other hand (no pun intended) the above mentioned doctor doesn’t know what IS up with my wrist, tho he did rule out an alien embryo when I suggested it.

5: Yesterday was full of running hither and yon. Today will be moreso.

6: Our Heating/AC unit was NOT actually broken, but it could not work due to the intake duct having collapsed. Said ductwork is ok now, but must be replaced soon.

7: A word of warning to dog owners: Dog farts = bad…broccoli farts = bad…farts resulting from feeding your dog a highly nutritous homecooked meal that includes broccoli = outlawed in 243 solar systems.

8: Plant sale in my driveway still on for tomorrow. Mostly daylilies, but also gazanias, mint, dianthus, sedums.

More bloggage later.

Dogs Eating Sweet Potatoes, Cats Eating Turnips, Mice Eating Asparagus

…actually, dogs love sweet potatoes

Doc’s Day Well, going out in the wind today had it’s good points and bad points. Good point: got a fine dining room table and chairs. Bad point: the wind grabbed an allergy hammer and gave me a helluva beatdown. I am SO glad I have an early morning appointment to see an Ear Nose & Throat doctor tomorrow. I’m hoping for some good drugs and a clear answer to what sort of defect I have in my throat.

Once we came home, it was a bit of cleaning, then resting for me. In fact, I’ll be going to bed way early tonight, since I only get about 2 hours of sleep out of every 4 I’m in bed.

We were going to bath the dogs tonight, but that’ll have to wait.

And now, I’m outta here. More bloggage tomorrow.