Gandalf Picard VS The Robotic Spice Rebels Of Narnia

…if I can make just one fanboy weep, my job is done

The Doclopedia #1,408

Capes & Cloaks: Cape Fear

Fear is a very powerful emotion, as and soldier or adventurer can tell you. Fear can make you run farther and faster than ever you thought possible, or it can make you leap into danger with deadly intent.

Today, students, we will discuss a cape of terrible power, one that you have probably all heard tales about as children. Today we discuss Cape Fear.

Quiet down! QUIET DOWN! The cape is no danger to us today. As you can plainly see, it is fully enclosed in a case made of Professor Ranik al Haraba’s most wonderful magic proof glass. I give you my word that there will be no leakage today. Unless, of course, some of you wet yourself when I revealed the cape.

Let’s take a look at it here. A rather plain affair made of gray and white wool in a sort of hounds tooth pattern. It attaches below the neck with a short chain and a clasp. I should think it would come down to about the waist on a 6 foot tall person. In all ways it appears totally normal.

But we know differently, don’t we? This cape is over 300 years old and has been worn by at least 10 insane killers that we know of. The Falburgh Ripper, Lady Vezeel, The Gray Headsman, Yogarl of the Swamp Clan, Sir Ansent Bartok…the list goes on and on. Each of them wore the cloak and were driven mad by the need to incite fear and terror. They tortured and dismembered and even cannibalized their victims before finally being brought to justice.

Yes, yes, Miss Broadfoot, how indeed did the cape remain undetected for so long? Was it ineptitude by the authorities? No, although they were more than a little inept at times. Perhaps the crazed killers had an accomplice that spirited the cape away after the killer’s death? None have ever been found.

No, the simple answer it that the cape shuts off it’s curse for a time and is tossed away or put in a pile with the killers other clothes, for later burning. This buys the cape enough time to entice somebody to take it away from any danger of being buried or destroyed. Over a period of a day or two, it causes itself to become clean and new looking. After that, it might be worn by several people, until the day comes when it meets just the right person. Then it turns the curse back on and begins driving them mad.

Take a good long look at Cape Fear, students. In a few days, it will be transported to a secluded locale to be burned into nothingness by magical fire. After that, it will haunt our world no longer.

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New Board Games For Cats

…they mostly lay on them and play with the pieces


The Doclopedia #1,407

Capes & Cloaks: Cloak Of Shadows

Good morning, students! As promised, this week we shall discuss various capes and cloaks, each imbued with strange powers. Now do quiet down so we may get started.

Now, you see before you a very well tailored cloak. It is meant to attach to a shirt or jacket at a point just a couple of inches below the collarbones. The collar of the cloak is quite high, coming up about halfway on one’s ears. The interior is red and the exterior is black. It is made from a light, yet very durable fabric. Our best estimate is that it was made for a person standing at least 6 foot 2 inches tall.

So, a very fine looking cloak, but what of it’s special powers? Ah, well, those are interesting indeed. To begin with, the wearer of the cloak can become extremely hard to see in any sort of darkness or deep shadow. Indeed, after wearing it for a while, one can even cause the minds of those around you to become cloudy, leading to them not being able to see you at all. Most interesting, I think you’ll agree.

Perhaps an even greater power, though one that is a two edged sword, is the ability to know what evil lies in the human or humanoid heart. You know who has evil tendencies just by looking at them. You also know who will act on this evil and who will not act…yet. Trust me when I tell you finding out that an old friend is some sort of evil bastard is not something you will enjoy. This is only made worse by the cloak’s final power.

It wants you to fight evil.

And when I say “fight evil”, I mean going after criminals and evildoers and stopping them in any way necessary, including killing them. It is not an urge that is easily resisted, which is why wearing the cloak is no longer allowed.

Now, off you go to your next class!

Sherlock Potter And The Adventure Of The Vulcan Time Lord Of Bronze

…actually, I would read the fuck out of that

The Doclopedia #1,406

Starships: C’Wi C’Wi Explorer

Like the C’wi C’wi themselves, their exploration ships, are small, efficient and no two look exactly the same. All of them have excellent laboratories and storage areas, as well as plenty of Tri-Dee vid drones, scannerdrones and helperbots. The living quarters are spacious and clean and there is always plenty of fresh food.

The ships come in an endless variety of shapes and color schemes, but they all have J-5 drives, Class 4 Shields and at least 4 shuttlecraft. Most ships are between 600 and 1,200 feet across. Crew size ranges from 200 to 1,500.

It’s All Fun And Games Until Somebody Has To Run From A Big Rolling Boulder

…I’n not naming names, Jones



The Doclopedia #1,405

Starships: Elarissian Miner

The Elarissians are a large, multilimbed humanoid race who specialize in mining on “difficult” planets. Their mining ships are enormous, up to 15 miles long and fully able to land on a planetary surface, even a rough one, due to their segmented nature. They all have J-4 propulsion. Crew quarters are spartan, in keeping with Elarissian culture.

Thanks to Class 12 defensive shields and the ability to seal parts of each ship to the surface, Elarissian mineships can mine on everything from iceworlds to extremely hot worlds to worlds with toxic athmospheres. The ships can mine and smelt metals, refine and store gases or whatever else is needed. They are found in 9 sectors where they are operated by Elarissians and 4 more sectors where they are contracted out to other races.

Not In This Issue: Poison Frogs,Weed Control Or Quilts

…there might be something about frog control

The Doclopedia #1,404

Starships: Prin Tradeship

A Prin tradeship looks very much like two small (5 mile long) worldships connected together and revolving around a central J-9 drive unit. One of the worldships is the home environment for the reptomammalian Prin. The other is a combination warehouse and shopping mall. Fully half of the Prin species (about 3 billion people) live and work on these ships, of which there are about 200,000) zipping from system to system in 26 sectors. Once every 5 years, the Prin all return to Prinworld for a year long celebration of their trade successes.

Although their tradeships are protected by Class 5 defensive shields and quantum cannons, each ship also has a complement of 15 EeeAoon fightercraft flown by EeeAoon mercenaries.

Moon Sandwiches And Chocolate Tea

…Yum Yum



The Doclopedia #1,403

Starships: Kr’Loq Transport

The hardworking Kr’Loq are a quasi-cephalapodian race from three small systems on the border of GalSecs 4509 and 4510. They are notable for two things: their ability to do very precise surgery without robotic assistance and their workhorse transport ships.

Standard Kr’Loq transports are used in over 500 sectors and have been known to last as long as 1,300 years. They are not pretty, being huge rectangular boxes 5 miles long by 2 miles on a side and having six J-3 drives on the rear, but they get the job done. The crew quarters are actually quite spacious compared to other transport ships and every ship is protected by Class 5 defensive shields.

The Kr’Loq build about 300 transports per year and there is a 40 year waiting list.

I Have No Idea Where The Drunken Steer Came From

…honest, officer, no idea at all

The Doclopedia #1,402

Starships: Illurok Worldship

The Illurok race resemble tall, thin and very hairy humans. They are some of the galaxy’s greatest artists and philosophers. All of the Illurok race live on four worldships that are speeding away from their now deserted home system in GalSec 1054-B. Actually, speeding is not quite the word to use, since the ships are only moving at 1.5 times the speed of light. Additionally, each ship is going in a different direction. They are all now 1,500 light years from Illurok Prime.

When a great religious awakening caused the Illurok to leave their home system, they built four enormous cylindrical ships. Each ship is 2,000 miles long and 500 miles in diameter. Inside are dozens of island continents representing many climatic zones and ecosystems. Fully half of the land mass in each ship is uninhabited by the Illurok. The end of each ship is a polar region and the equatorial area in the middle is similar in climate to that of Earth. Light is provided by a long central strip that only glows on one side. The ship revolves around it. A day is 30 hours, 6 minutes and 14 seconds long.

The outer hulls of these ships are made of depleted uranium over a sheet of lead. Class 5 defensive shields can be activated, but never have been needed. There are no known weapons. Operation of the ships are handles by blue level free cybernetic life forms. The Illurok population inside each ship is around 20 million.