…how else can you get fresh squeezed pixie juice?
The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 11, Part 1, In which we set out to see a chunk of Route 66, meet a bunch of the original hippies, have REAL second thoughts about the TARDIS unit and sing “Bohemian Rhapsody” for a large audience of mostly cattle.
(Note: All comments in italics are by non-humans)
Another of the great things about driving an RV (and that is what the Magic Bus is) is that not everyone needs to be fully awake to start out in the morning. Indeed, this morning, the only ones awake at all were Spike, myself and the usual hungry critter suspects…and the critters went back to sleep after they ate.
(Lucy:Mmmm…leftover human food for breakfast!)
Spike and I chatted as I drove through St. Louis at dawn. (the Jonesmobile is being towed behind the bus now) We talked about games, tourist attractions, goats, dogs & cats, teenagers and food. a few miles outside the city, we stopped at Pancake Palace and, after rousing everyone else, went in to eat. The chow was first rate and our waitress, Flora, was a barrel of laughs.
(Flash:Man, did they ever smell good when they came back onto the bus! Mmmm…sausage!)
(Winker:I licked Dad’s mustache cos it had jelly on it!)
(Abby:Mom snuck me a biscuit!
Full up on pancakes and related breakfast fare, we drove a bit farther on so as to find a cheap gas station. The bus gets 75 miles to the gallon, but every so often we do like to top off the 50 gallon tank.
While we were at the gas station, a pickup load of hippie farmer pulled up. They were all wearing tie dye overalls and the head hippie came over to me, took a look at our tie dye bus and offered me ten grand for her. I politely declined, seeing as how we needed the bus and it is one of a kind. The farmer introduced himself as Herb Freelove, head honcho & owner of Tie Dye Farm. Did I mention that their pickup was tie dyed, too?
He told me about how he and his wife had been among the first hippies in San Francisco during the Summer of Love, but had later came home to Missouri to get back to the land. They did this by buying 300 acres of land and getting about 30 of their hippie friends to form a commune. Now, 40+ years later, it’s a thriving organic farm.
Herb invited us out to look the place over, so we went. I think it would have been pretty hard to keep Spike & Mary away anyway, since anybody who knows them will tell you that they are all about the tie dyed clothing. Also, not much chance of me passing up a visit to an organic farm.
Sure enough, the whole place is painted in bright tie dye style. Barns, sheds, tractors, trucks, houses, chicken coops…all looking like Haight Ashbury barfed ’em up.
The farm itself has totally got the organic sustainable agriculture thing going on. I had a great time looking everything over. Meanwhile, Herb and his family had a mindwarping time looking around inside the Magic Bus. In fact, we had thought one of his grandkids had gotten lost in the room that resembles the Palace of Versailles if it were done by a gay Klingon with a Lego fetish, but it turned out that she was sitting behind the sofa petting Winker.
(Abby:They had lots of goats there. I talked to them and they were very friendly.)
(Flash:Great Felix! I could smell about 5 billion rodents!
(Winker:I liked that little girl. She petted me and I licked her face.)
Before we could get back on the road, Herb and his wife, Marigold, loaded us up with organic fruits & veggies. In return, I hit their house with the same nano tech based paint that we used on the bus. They were overjoyed as it spread across their home.
Our first roadside stop of the day was at the Forest Of Tin Can Trees. While we all agreed that they are doing s good thing by recycling cans and steel rebar into 20-40 foot tall treelike sculptures, we also thought that the rusty can color got a bit boring.
Continuing along the Mother Road, we had to pull over outside Waynesville when Sharon said there was “some kind of robot” in one of the rooms. While Grace called Joe, Spike, Mary, Miranda, Flash & I went investigate.
It was a Dalek! He/it was all “Exterminate! Exterminate!” and I grabbed a 5 foot length of steel pipe and was all “Fuck you, you toilet plunger waving motherfucker!”
(Flash:Holy Fucking Shit! Dad went into Asswhip Overdrive on that thing! He was all “Exterminate this, bitch!” and “This one is for Gallifrey!”.
Turns out that if you beat the shit out of a Dalek with a steel pipe for a couple of minutes, they go all to pieces. We were just tossing the busted ass bits of it into the recycling chute when Joe showed up. He apologized and said something about quantum fluctuations and goddamn Gallifreyan redundancy and mice chewing on wires. He then opened a wall panel and messed around with some stuff for a bit.
(Flash:Am I the only one who notices that Joe smells like a tuna sandwich?)
(Lucy:No, he smells like a rib eye steak, medium rare.)
(Abby:Wrong! He smells like new growth on a blackberry vine.
(Winker:You guys are on drugs. Joe smells like Foooooddddd Fooorrrr Dooooggggssss. With gravy on it.
Once he was done, Joe assured us that from now on, the only extra rooms we have would be the 6 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, walk in refrigerator/freezer, hot tub & sauna, workout room, library, theater and closet full of chocolate. I’m cool with that.
About 90 minutes from that stop, we visted The World Famous (there are a lot of world famous roadside attractions out there) Teddy Bear Town. This would be exactly what you think, a complete (and pretty large) town built inside a bigass warehouse and populated by teddy bears dating back to the 1890’s. I even went back to the bus and got our mascot, Owsley the purple with yellow polka dots teddy bear, so he could spend some time with his peeps. We spent nearly an hour there.
By the way, for those of you who are wondering if we stopped buying fridge magnets, postcards & t-shirts, I can only reply: “As if!”
We were about half an hour outside Tulsa, Oklahoma, when Mary asked if we could pull over for a group photo. We found a field full of cattle and ranchers to stop next to and she took several pictures of all of usa in varied poses. I was telling Miranda about singing “Bohemian Rhapsody” with a panel of folks at a seminar last year at DogCon, when, before you know it, we all started singing it. Mary and I alternated on the lead and the others did very well on backing vocals. There was also dramatic dancing about. When we were done we realized that the cattle, the ranchers and about 7 cars on the road had stopped to watch us…so we all took a bow, got back on the bus and drove away.
(Flash:I love Mom & Dad, but seriously, humans do some really goofy shit.)
We have stopped in the Tulsa KOA for the night. Dinner was porkchops, mashed potatos, corn, gravy & biscuits. We had peach ice cream for afters. We then wandered over to the campground theater to watch a talent show. Now, everybody but myself and Lucy has hit the sack.
(Lucy:I’ve gotta pee!
Tomorrow: We explore the Oklahoma & Texas roadside attractions and get ever closer to Wilted Springs & DogCon 3.
Destination Sign: The Forgotten Realms