…from the September, 1897 issue
DogCon 5, Trip Day 12, Con Day Zero, Part 1
When we woke up this morning, Data (our autopilot, if you are just tuning in) had us parked at our final roadside destination: A Trip To Hell. No, it’s not a recreation of my first marriage, it’s a sort of ride created by the Lord’s Church Of Jesus Christ, of Wango, Texas, to show sinners what they can expect after they die unless they straighten up and fly right and get some of that old time religion.
Our youngest traveler, Lauren, stayed on the bus with Sharon and the critters. I’m told they spent the time in the Slide Room. The rest of us laid down two bucks each and got on the little train that was actually being pulled by a converted electric golf cart thingy. To an alternating background of gospel music and scripture quoting, we saw all manner of scenes of hellish torment, with each one geared towards a different sin. Many of these sins had to do with sex of one type or another, which I’m pretty sure was meant to scare local young people into terrified celibacy. The one of a “Chronic Masturbator” getting his genitals fried by demons was pretty funny. Actually, most of the ride was pretty funny because this trip to Hell was done on a tiny budget.
When we were done, we bought the t-shirts, but declined to confess our sins (not NEARLY enough time for that) and accept Jesus. Grace got a good laugh from the group by saying “No thank you, my husband and I are from California”. I’m pretty sure that was enough to convince the preacher that we were doomed to damnation.
Lucy: Of course, you humans spell Dog backwards anyway.
Flash: And they think Ceiling Cat is a joke!
A bit over two hours later we first caught sight of the Critter City Dome (yes, the whole town is now covered by a huge clear dome), which was still 20 miles away! That sucker is 1,500 feet tall at the center and 2 miles across at the base. The website says that it is kept at a balmy 75 degrees with a 30% humidity level all year. Pretty sweet!
We parked the bus in the humongous three level climate controlled parking garage just outside the dome, then got on the electric trolley that serves the town. As usual, our rooms were in the Hyatt, but this year, Grace and I got an adjoining “Pet Room” that connects with our room and the one shared by Sharon and our other petsitter, Arcadia, who lives in Critter City and is a veterinary student. It was a pretty nice room for the pets, with an easy to clean astroturf floor, a nice safe enclosed balcony, several watering spots and plenty of beds and pooping boxes.
Sasha: Holy Hopping Hamsters! You guys weren’t kidding about this place!
Bea: Wow! This town knows how to treat a pet!
Flash: You two ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
After a short time to get our stuff put away, we all met up and headed off to get our swag bags, badges and to meet old friends for lunch. Among these old friends are Lee and Barry Gold, who are this year’s very first Filking Guests of Honor along with our own Mary. Believe me, folks, that right there is a whole lot of filksong creativity.
As always, the line to get con stuff was long, but moved pretty quickly. We met many friends there, including our home gaming group (Arn, Sam & Paul), a contingent from the Madison, Wisconsin area (Brian, Lori & Nibbler, John K) and a ton of Facebook & Twitter friends. A lunch meeting spot was determined, then we grabbed our bags and headed out to JimBob’s Texas Style Pizza.
I’ll skip the info about humans & critters eating huge amounts of pizza and list what was in this year’s swag bag. By the way, our badges this celebratory fifth year? Made of stainless steel and shaped like the critter of your choice. Mine is a Basset Hound.
In the bag, we found…
Hardbound program book that looked like a novel
Assorted commemorative polyhedral dice, which when turned to the high “number” spelled out DogCon 5.
A very snazzy t-shirt
A new card game
A new dice game
Coupons for free food & drink around town
A postcard that showed several of us doing last the Old Time Radio Show last year
A card for “One free dice re-roll in any official con game”
Many adverts for games, businesses, etc.
Once lunch was over, we all went back to our rooms to relax and plan our con schedule. Well, actually, some of us had our con schedule planned out months ago. Later, there will be dinner and then the Pre-Con Party for Guests of Honor and Gaming VIPs. The theme this year is “Girls Will Be Boys And Boy Will Be Girls”. I foresee a dress in my future.
More bloggage later.
DogCon 5, Trip Day 12, Con Day Zero, Part 2
Quick update, since I am being fitted for an ankle length black cocktail dress by Grace & Avis & one of the fitting ladies the con provides. Someday, my nephew Zach will stop laughing, but not tonight. Still trying to decide if I’ll write him out of my will. The ladies look much better, since they can just wear guy clothes. Grace has chosen a truck driver look while Avis has decided to go with a three piece suit.
Dinner, by the way, was at Big Slabs O’ Meat, where you can really unleash your inner or outer carnivore. Well, except for the goats, who ate a selection of veggies and fruits and now both look pregnant.
Abby: Might…explode…soon. Must…rest…now.
Bea: It was like Goat Food Heaven, but I look like a beach ball now.
Ok, time to choose shoes that will fit my huge gunboats. More blogging tomorrow.
The Doclopedia #718
Threesomes!: The Cloak Of Time
While wearing this rather drab looking green cloak, the wearer can speed up or slow down the rate at which time passes in an area up to about 60′ across. Thus, they can slow down time enough to easily dodge even a lightning bolt or speed up time to effectively allow them out wait a monster that has them trapped. A very useful item, which is actually the only thing that will allow an adventurer to make it alive through the dangerfest known as…
The Doclopedia #719
Threesomes!: The Castle On The Rock
…The Castle on the Rock, which lies about 30 miles off the storm ravaged coast of Horgravia. The island it sits on is really just a big rock about a quarter mile on a side. Built by the Wizard Portimius, this huge, 6 story castle is home to many deadly creatures, even more traps, the ghost of Portimius himself and great gobs of treasure. The most sought after of these treasures are…
The Doclopedia #720
Threesomes!: The Bones Of Lorak
…the ancient, yet incredibly preserved bones of the demigod, Lorak the Teacher. It is said that if these bones are laid out in the Valley of the Gods and the proper ritual is performed, Lorak shall arise once more and bestow great wisdom and many skills upon those who helped him to return to our world.