The Trouble Sisters Go Looking For The Teflon Bastard

…they wanted to mess him up

 

 

The Doclopedia #1,321

Welcome To The Village: Dragon Point

There are exactly 300 people living in Dragon Point. 150 men and 150 women, all of them looking about 50 years old. Unlike ordinary humans, these folks have strange colored hair. Some have fiery red-orange hair, which isn’t too odd, but others have jet black or green or yellow or blue hair. Some have gold or silver or bronze colored hair and others have hair as white as snow. The Dragon Point citizens don’t think twice about it, but the rare outsider who comes to visit tends to stare.

Those outsiders tend to come in two flavors: wandering wizards who might stay as long as a week, and traders who pull in with their ships, do their business, have a meal & an ale and leave. Still, the ships pull in once a week and news of the far lands gets told, so the Pointers, as outsiders call them, are up on the latest news.

Left to their own devices, the Pointers spend time fishing or gardening or crafting various trade items that the merchant captains pay very good money for. Sometimes, dances are held and every attends. Other than that, life is very slow and pleasant in Dragon Point. Nobody seems to think much about the future or the past, because everyone in town is a Dragon and may well live another 500 years.

The last 300 Dragon’s in the world have chosen to live here, disguised as humans, because the great and terrible Traxontoraz, most evil of all Dragons, still lives and searches for his kin, whom he wants to slay and eat to lengthen his life. So far, he has not found them. Since he is very old and growing weak, the Dragon Point citizens only need to stay hidden another 150-200 years. At that point, either Traxontoraz will be dead or too weak to defend himself against a mass attack.

Until that day, the colorful folks of Dragon Point will keep on leading their simple lives.

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It’s All Fun And Games Until Mr. Kraznisky Starts To Go Blind

…it was temporary, but still,,,

 

The Doclopedia #1,069

Saloons, Bars & Pubs: Dragon Mountain Inn

On Earth 33-F, the world was conquered by China in the year 800 AD. This was helped by the fact that Earth 33-F is a magical world, but Chinese magic was the strongest by far. Now, the world very much Chinese and there are many sacred and magical sites to which pilgrims, scholars and the just plain curious go. One such place is Dragon Mountain, located where Mount Washington, New Hampshire would be in our world. Atop it (or maybe inside it) live the Mother & Father of All Dragons. Why the hell people go see them is a mystery, but those who go always stop at the Dragon Mountain Inn.

The inn is large and built of the granite this area is famous for. Inside are sleeping rooms , dining rooms, a temple, baths, a drinking room and even a library. Next to the inn are stables and a healer’s hut. Just across the road is a shrine full of items left by those who have made the journey.

The owners and staff of the inn are gracious, efficient and skilled at their jobs. Rates are much cheaper in the winter months, when only the desperate or insane go up the mountain.

The inn is located about halfway up the mountain, exactly 100 steps from the line that the dragons burned around the mountain to mark where their territory begins.

Note: Only about 1 in 5 people who go up Dragon Mountain ever come back down. Those who do are often quite different, both physically and mentally, from when they went up.

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The Doclopedia #1,070

Saloons, Bars & Pubs: The Jungle Room

From: Doc Tempest

To: All Agents

Date: June 1, 1936

I am happy to report that renovations to the Jungle Room, located in Los Angeles and formerly owned by the late Angelo “Hammers” Carbone, are completed and it is now under our control. It will have a gala opening on June 10th.

Management of the Jungle Room is being handled by one of our best repurposed former criminals, Salvatore “Icepick Sal” Rosetti. Sal is sparing no expense in making the Jungle Room the place for both the famous and infamous to meet.

The dancers in the nightly “Jungle Drums” review are all Agents, mostly from here in the US, but also including several from our African operation. They are under the direction of Dr. Joshua Franklin, whom many of you know from his work against the Ku Klux Klan. He now goes by the name of “Doozie Hulbert” and appears in the review as a witch doctor. I’m told he is thoroughly enjoying preparing for life on the stage. He will also be handling things in the sub-basement laboratory.

The waitstaff and cigarette girls are all graduates of our Academy and include Miss Polly North, our 1935 Female Shooting Competition winner. Our head chef is non other than retired Colonel Gerard Denis, recently retired from both the La Sûreté Nationale and our European operation. He is an excellent chef.

Agents working the Los Angeles area are urged to visit the Jungle Room on a regular basis, especially those of you with high end cover identities

Attached, please find a list of all secrets entrances, passwords, weapons/equipment stashes and other relevant information.

Good Luck!

James Tempest

How To Teach Your Macaws To Dance

…like Fred & Ginger

 

The Doclopedia #1,036

Moms: The Mother Of All Dragons

On Fantasy Earth 9, all dragons have the same mother and she is one big tough mama. Measuring 300 feet long from nose to tail tip, the Mother of All Dragons lives high up in the Razor Mountains, which thrust up over a mile and a half above the surrounding Skolab Desert. She is tended by several dozen lesser females who measure around 150 feet long. She seldom leaves her lair.

Once every 5 years, hundreds of male dragons arrive to battle one another for the right to mate. These battles are often to the death and in the end, no more that a dozen or so actually get to mate with the Mother. Only 1 or 2 survive that process without being eaten by her, seeing as how adult male dragons are never more than 70 feet long. The survivors go off to live out a long life, never mating again.

Now, you might be thinking that there is terrible inbreeding among dragons, but that is not true, You see, once a dragon is born, their DNA begins to alter their chromosomes so that by the time they are adults, they are not very closely related to the Mother of All Dragons.

Each Mother Dragon lives about 300 years, then dies quite quickly. The lesser females feast on her corpse and grow larger. Once the Mother has been eaten up, the females fight and the winner grows to become the new Mother of All Dragons.

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The Doclopedia #1,037

Moms: Mrs. Mogubontu

Mrs. Omobe Mogubontu was a Class 2 Mutant. Her power was a passive one: everyone who spent much time with her grew to love her and accept her advice. Eventually, this resulted in the United Africa that we know today.

Even without her powers, Mrs. M was an extremely likeable woman. Married at age 13 to her 15 year old sweetheart, she was a mother at 15 and the leader of her village by age 17. She was pretty, smart, hard working and a good friend. At age 20, she was elected to the Senate of her home country, Longuto.

After only a few weeks in the capital city, Omobe had managed to charm most of the politicians, including the corrupt President Victor Abatonde. Many laws were passed that helped women and children and the poor. Free elections were announced and across the country, the word was that Mrs. M would be the next president.

The powerful military, however, had other ideas. Not based in the capital, the generals were unaffected by her powers and shortly after her election, they marched on the capital to stage a coupe. It was a very successful coupe for about a day, at which point the guards who surrounded Mrs. M followed her advice to take her before the generals. Outraged by this, the generals ranted and threatened her with death. In a firm Mom voice, Mrs. M told them to sit down and be quiet, which they did. An hour later, the generals told the army to lay down it’s weapons. From that day on Longuto was a peaceful and prosperous country.

As President, Omobe met with many African leaders and, during her second term, hosted a meeting of the African National Congress. History tells us how that turned out, because five years later, after much touring and speaking to millions of people, United Africa became a reality and one of the most powerful forces on the planet.

Mrs. Mogubontu retired from active politics at age 40, but continued to travel the world giving speeches that, if you think about them, sound pretty much like the good advice mothers have always given. The world is a better place because of it.

How To Conquer The World With Simple Household Items

…third edition, revised and expanded

 

WOOHOO! FOUR (4) Doclopedia entries today! Can I get an “Amen!”?

 

The Doclopedia #968

Dinner Menu: Robot World        Genre: Robots, Science Fiction, Humor

Chateau de Chevron 40 weight oil…Zinc shavings served on silicon slices…Gold, Silver & Platinum leaf Salad dressed with a light mineral oil…Filet of Steel, thinly sliced and coated with a crust of various trace minerals…Assorted plastics simmered in graphite sauce…Crunchy Glass Cookies

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The Doclopedia #969

Dinner Menu: Dragon World        Genre: Fantasy, Humor

Fresh mountain spring water…Chewy Halfling Appetizer…Fire Roasted Dwarf…Mixed Grill of Humans & Elves…Gnome Sushi…Assorted Henchmen in a light Sweat & Blood Glaze

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The Doclopedia #970

Dinner Menu: Zombie World        Genre: Horror, Humor

Brain Juice…Hair, Skin And Skullbone…Braaaaiiiins!…More Braaaaiiins!…Assorted bits of flesh

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The Doclopedia #971

Dinner Menu: Dog World        Genre: Dogs, Alternate Worlds, Humor

Toilet Bowl Water…Appetizer of Shoes, Ladies Undies and Children’s Toys…Used Facial Tissue Salad…Road Kill Tartare…Mixed Garbage Surprise…Cat Poop Nuggets…Grass…More Garbage

Handsome Joe And His Pals Watch TV

…mostly, Animal Planet

 

The Doclopedia #964

Weights & Measures: 5 Pounds Genre: Fantasy

Yes, my apprentice, this Sword of Dragon Slaying does weigh exactly five pounds. A full pound of that is the golden inlay of runes that impart an Eversharp Blade to it, while the Jewels of Enhanced Speed in the pommel weigh a quarter pound all by themselves. Oh, no, the actual Dwarven Steel weighs much less than you would think. It seems the Gnomes, after many explosions and several non fatal maimings, devised a process by which the Dwarves could make the steel twice as strong with half the weight. Amazing stuff, really, as I was telling One Eyed Lefty Gnomingomer the other day.

The customer? Oh, that would be Duke Ringust Lantero of Lantieri. If ever there were a man and sword that had a chance at killing the Great Dragon of Tuuv, it is he and this sword. Even so, I give him a 50/50 chance at best. Have you ever heard that dragon described? 200 feet long from nose to tail and breathes White Fire! No, my shillings are on the dragon, lass.”

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The Doclopedia #965

Weights & Measures: 10 Cubic Centimeters Genre: Pulp

It wasn’t much to look at, being a mere cube of metal with a few wires protruding, but Doc Tempest, Sally Smithfield and the rest of the crew knew that it had been the “brains” of the giant robot ape that Hurricane Hampstead had used to terrorize Govunga while he had been going after the diamonds in the lost temple.

Boy,” Sally said, “I’d sure like to get a look inside that to see how it works.” She was intensely interested in how Professor Grave had packed so much information into such a small space.

Doc nodded. “So would I, Sally, but I’m pretty sure trying to cut it open would destroy it. Still, we can x-ray it and run it through a few other processes. Maybe that will tell us something.”

It’s a shame Professor Grove chose to die with Hampstead, trying to get those diamonds.” Sally would never understand people who placed greed above science.

Doc placed the small cube into a padded case, which he then shut and locked.

Greed is a sickness of the mind, Sally. It has cost countless lives through the ages. That’s why we must fight to conquer it.”

With that, the seven of them walked back to their airship and set to getting it ready for the trip back to San Francisco.

Buy Whore Bonds

……wait, what?

The Doclopedia #476

Seven Questions About…: Dragons

How many types of Dragon are there?

Dragons come in four basic types: the Woodland Dragon, the Sea Dragon, the Mountain Dragon and the God Dragon. There are some variations among the four types, but these variations are not great enough to be called new types.

The Woodland Dragons, which are never more than about 8 feet long and are the only Dragons that can actually fly, have Marsh and Desert variants, which differ mostly in coloring and what they feed upon. Woodland Dragons are the least likely Dragons to harm a human or other sentient race.

Sea Dragons grow to lengths of 50 feet or better and live an amphibious life. They are totally able to breath air or water and mainly come ashore to breed, rear their young and hunt for land animals. Variations are the River and Lake Dragons, which grow slightly smaller, but come onto land more often.

Most people who see a large Dragon are seeing a Mountain Dragon. They can reach lengths of up to 120 feet and are able to glide, but not actually fly. They also have both poisonous breath and the deadly flame breath. Variations include the Hill Dragon, the Cave Dragon and the Glacier Dragon.

Nobody has seen a God Dragon in over 260 years, but they are out there. At lengths nearing 500 feet, they are terrible engines of destruction, when angry, which they often are. Since every God Dragon is very distinctive looking, there are no variants.

Where do Dragons live?

Dragons can be found in all parts of the world except the polar regions and the Great Red Desert. On the island of Glebniar, the only Dragons you’ll find are a small form of Woodland Dragon that seldom grows to more than 4 feet long.

Are Dragons intelligent?

Yes, but how intelligent depends upon the type. Woodland Dragons are at least as intelligent as an ape, while Sea Dragons are probably no smarter than dogs. Mountain Dragons are as intelligent as humans and can speak our languages. God Dragons are exceptionally intelligent and it is only their anger and inability to work with others of their kind that have kept them from ruling the world.

Do Dragons really eat people?

Mountain and God Dragons enjoy the taste of sentient flesh and have been known to kill thousands of people in some areas. Sea Dragons often kill sentients, but almost never eat them. Woodland Dragons have never been known to kill or eat sentients.

Are Dragons resistant to magic?

Only God Dragons are truly resistant to magic, although Mountain Dragons can be tough enough that it takes powerful spells to hurt them.

Do Dragons have any natural enemies?

Yes, they do! Many creatures have been known to eat Woodland Dragons when they can catch them. Sea Dragons that stray into deep waters are often eaten by giant sharks, killer whales and krakens. The main foe of the Mountain Dragon is the Mountain Giant, who enjoy Dragon meat. God Dragons have only two enemies: Sentients in large enough numbers to kill them and other God Dragons.

What should I do if I encounter a Dragon?

If it is a Woodland Dragon, just stand still and allow it to go away. Sea Dragons will usually not attack you if you run away or, if in the water, you just float and do not cause a commotion. If you encounter a Mountain Dragon, try to run into a very thickly grown over section of forest. If you meet up with a God Dragon, then just kiss your ass goodbye.