The Suspenseful And Thrilling, Yet Oddly Mindblowing, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Milk Cow Boogie

…co-starring her her Uncle Swingy Tompkins

Great googly moogly, Dear Readers, It’s that time of year again!

CritterCon 10

Day Zero

Hi, folks! It is just shy of 11:30 pm, Wednesday, August 2, and I’m the only person awake on the Magic Bus. I’ll be hitting the sack soon and then around five in the morning, Sweetie, as we call the Bus, will drive over to Santa Rosa where, at around seven, we’ll officially begin our tenth trip to the greatest imaginary convention on earth.

Our merry crew for this year includes…







Avis Crane (the original version, this year)

Leon Crane (a cat)

Ginie Murphy

Roxy Murphy (a cat)

Spike Y Jones

Mary Jones

Gabriel Gentile (first timer)

Our route this year is pretty simple: Drive down Highway 101 to San Diego, take a left turn onto interstate 8, follow it to Interstate 10 and then straight on until we hit the middle of Texas, where we turn off to go to Critter City. We are looking at a 5 day trip.

As always, we will stop off at some strange and wonderful roadside attractions, including the tallest Giant Jesus statue on earth! One restriction I placed on us this year was that we could not go more than three miles off the highway to reach an attraction. This only counted out two, the Spider House (which nobody wanted to go to anyway) and Chickenville (which is about 12 mile off the highway), so we are good to go for several places. I might even stop us at a couple we’ve been to in previous years.

Well, I’m done with the nightcap that Jeeves brought to me, so it’s off to bed now. Tune in tomorrow for Day One of our journey.

Destination Sign: Zzzzzzz
QM Radio: Turned off for now

Caring For Your New Pet Yak

…a must for yak lovers

Con Report: DogCon Day Zero

Before I launch into the (pre) con report on our day so far, let’s recap the trip to get here.

Saturday, August 9, 2:00 AM: Car has been packed up since 7:00 PM Thursday. Loaded sleepy wife and sleepy dogs into car. Myself, I’m wide awake thanks to 7 hours of sleep and a mug of tea so strong it was green and wearing purple pants. We hit the road. Next stop, Reno, Nevada.

Saturday, 10:00 AM: Stop several miles outside of Las Vegas to see the World’s Longest Garden Hose (13.25 miles long!). Grace buys garden hose fridge magnet, I buy a t-shirt, Daisy woofs at a coyote in the distance, Winker pees on one of the 428 garden gnomes.

Saturday, 4 PM: We stop for the day in Grimly, Arizona. Apparently, we are just in time for their annual Potato Throwing Days celebration, as I get clocked upside the head by a warm baked tater as I an entering the motel lobby.

Sunday, August 10, 3:00 AM: We leave Grimly, carefully negotiating the streets, which are slippery with potato products. Today will be a marathon drive, taking us the rest of the way across Arizona, all the way across New Mexico and into Texas.

Sunday, 11:00 AM: Lost a bit of time due to stopping at the Gila Monster World roadside attraction. No dogs allowed inside, so The Girls stayed out front in the air conditioned lobby and played Canines & Castles on my laptop.

Sunday, 5:00 PM: We are in Texas! Staying at the Bedbug Motel in the thriving metropolis of Snakebite, Texas (population 200). Ate some great steaks for dinner. Time for bed now.

Monday, 7:00 AM: We overslept! Much panicky running about as we pack up and head out of town.

Monday, 2:00 PM: We are stopping for the day at my great aunt Pearl’s home on her cattle ranch. Altho she calls the ranch “a little retirement spread”, it took 35 minutes to reach her house from the front gate. Gotta admit, the house is impressive. Grace was a bit boggled by having to use a golf cart to get from our bedroom to the living room, but I think it sure beats 15 minutes of walking.

Monday, 9:00 PM: Full of chicken fried steak, gravy, biscuits, okra and pie. Also, several shots of bourbon and at least 3 bottles of Lone Star Beer. Sleep now.

Tuesday, 10:00 AM: Leave great aunt Pearl’s place. Next stop, Wilted Springs, Texas, site of DogCon 1.

Tuesday, 1:00 PM: Another delay because Grace wanted to stop at a gift shop just off the freeway. She ended up buying 139 fridge magnets, we all got t-shirts, I got 9 new bandanas and The Girls each got Texas shaped rawhide chew toys.

Tuesday, 3:00 PM: We are here! Man, oh man, Wilted Springs is some kinda big money Texas resort town. The convention center is huge and it connects to all 5 of the con hotels. We register at the hotel, then meet up with our dogsitter, Sharon, who flew down here this morning. She has a room next to ours and has promised The Girls that they can go to the Houndland Amusement Park tomorrow. And now, Grace and I are off to pick up our badges.

More fictional con reportage later.