Chapter 511: In Which Little Sally Traps The Countess In The Loo And Escapes With Our Hero, Who Is Forced To Wear A Rather Unbecoming Outfit

…he was slightly mortified

 

The Doclopedia #1,032

For A Good Time, Call…: The Fun Police

Are there grumpy grouches in your neighborhood, citizen? Is there a mean old neighbor who is always yelling at kids? How about some humorless shopkeeper?

Well have no fear, the Fun Police are here! Just call us at 555-FUNN (or dial 199 in an emergency) and we’ll get there ASAP to put a smile on those folks faces!

Your friendly Fun Police use all of the latest technology to help people lighten the hell up and have a laugh or two. If our bottles of seltzer or terrific jokes don’t do it, then our state of the art pharmacological selection will. One shot of some of that stuff and they’ll be giggling like a kid!

So if some glum & gloomy miscreant tries to ruin your day, just call the Fun Police and we’ll get everybody happy!

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The Doclopedia #1,033

For A Good Time, Call…: The House Of 1,000 Pleasures

Look, buddy, I’m tellin’ ya, this is the place. What, you thought it was gonna say “House of 1,000 Pleasures in neon ten feet tall or sumpin’? It’s all about bein’ secret, ain’t it? If the Morality Patrol ever found this place, they’d shut it down and shoot everybody inside.

Yeah, yeah, they can do all of that, pal. Any forbidden perversion ya want. Booze, chocolate, sexy tv shows, rap music, tobacco…yeah, they do it all in there. I got a regular customer who goes in there and listens to rock & roll while drinking beer and playing Dungeons & Dragons. Yeah, he’s a perv alright, but get this: he’s a Reverend Senator’s SON! So much for raisin’ your kid on nothing but the Bible, eh?

Yeah, yeah, there’s liberals in there, too, but let’s not mention that out here. That’s the kinda shit that’ll get you locked up for good.

What? Sex? Oh yeah, I guess they can do that. I mean, I know you can get gay sex, so I guess they have womens, too.

Anyway, you need my cab back here in a few hours, you just give a call. Have a good time, pal!

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The Magic Dog And The Happy Cat Go To The Fair

…and they rode the carousel

 

The Doclopedia #1,030

For A Good Time, Call…: Fillandor The Incredible

Be it known to all citizens of this great city that, for a limited time, the Great Wizard Fillandor the Incredible will be here offering up the use of his amazing powers to one and all for mere pennies!

Fillandor, who is much acclaimed throughout the Eastern Empires and the Land of 10,000 Gods, will spare no effort to magically assist you with problems large and small. Recently, upon request of the Sultan of Panishad, Fillandor journeyed for to the south and not only banished a herd of Demonbulls, but used his fantastic powers to find a beautiful young bride for the Sultan.

A mere fraction of Fillandor’s abilities include: Healing of disease, curing of the troubled mind, insuring the increase of wealth, stimulation of crop growth, banishment of the demonic & undead, predictions of the future, protection from harm by others, alterations to the face & body, revival of faded bedroom abilities and far too many other magicks to list.

As is his humble nature, Fillandor has situated his wagons in the Worker’s Quarter, near the South Gate. Appointments can be made by calling 262-0094 from a Speaking Kiosk. Hours are 8 AM to 6 PM, all days. Payments in cash only.

Make haste, good people! Fillandor will not be in town long!

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The Doclopedia #1,031

For A Good Time, Call…: Eskwif

Females who seek fulfilling fertilization encounters with a healthy and fully furred Alpha Male should call Eskwif with their mating song.

Eskwif sires fine cubs and has all six of his foot-paws. His tail is strong and his kloon is undamaged. His musk will make you swoon into receptive mode.

Call out soon, females! Eskwif is ready to serve you!