Harry Potter And The Horny Hungarian Horntail

…NOT a book for kids

 

Dog Con 7

 

Day 17, Con Day 4: In which critters strut their stuff, games are purchased, games get played, seminars are attended, Daisy has a birthday, critters strut their stuff and pie gets eaten.

8:00 pm

We are all on the bus and getting ready to leave Critter City. As usual, a quick recap of the day.

Breakfast at Pancake-A-Go-Go, a new place in town. Great food, but kind of slow service due to a big Sunday crowd.

We bought the hell out of games! Grace bought several cubic feet of boardgames, Daisy bought, well, she bought all sorts of things.

(Daisy: Phasers! Sonic screwdrivers! D&D stuff! A sword!)

I bought mostly games and t-shirts. Sasha and Silky bought dice and other stuff.

(Silky: I bought some Buffy DVDs.)
(Sasha: I bought a bunch of comics and some steampunk clothes.)

I’m not sure what Flash & Jazz bought, but I know Lulu bought a bunch of swords & knives.

(Lulu: A girl can never be too well armed!)

(Leon: But you’re indestructible, right?)
(Lulu: What’s your point?)


While our group was buying stuff and playing games,. Spike and I once again took part in the panel for “Ask A GM ANYTHING!”. As with every year, it got crazy. Spike balanced a jar of maple syrup on his head, I explained how to kill a werewolf with a butterknife and our moderator (a mother of young twins) sang an impromptu song about dancing through the dungeon. It was a fun time for all.

At noon, many people and critters besides our gang assembled in one of the smaller halls for a celebration of Daisy’s third birthday. There was cake and dog biscuits and ice cream for all.

(All The Other Critters: Happy Birthday, Daisy!)

Immediately following that was the big charity “Pets On Parade” event. It raises money for many rescues and shelters and costs $5.00 per critter to enter it. There were about 6,000 animals in it this year.

(Roxy: That was a whole lot of critters!)

(Jazz: I was surprised to see so many pigs.)


Finally, the big voice in the sky said the con was over, which meant that it was only 30 minutes until the Post Con Cool Down Party & Pie Fest. My goodness, they come up with more new kinds of pies each year. We all ate too much while saying goodbye to folks we won’t see until next year.

Now it’s time to fire this bus up and head to Canada, where we’ll drop off Brian, Caroline, Lauren & Sadie in the morning. More bloggage later.

Destination Sign: The Hundred Acre Wood


Music: 24th Century Classical

Adventure Module Z-1: Secret Of The Pirate’s Tomb

…ooh, spooky!

 

A reminder to you, Gentle Readers, that the 2012 DogCon 5 trip/con report will start up on August 2 (this coming Thursday) right here on this blog. We’ll have 11 folks plus 5 pets (3 of them imaginary and all 5 doing commentary) on the bus this year and we’ll be taking the very very long way to Critter City, Texas and the con. Many roadside attractions, nearly all of them World Famous will be visited, plus there will be a super special musical number performed in Seattle. There may or may not also be…

Slight trip diversions into other times/places
Naughty pets
Elves…real no shit Elves
Squirrels!
Iron Chef: Magic Bus
The Return Of Giant Roadside Jesus
Pie
LARPs for animals
Duplication of a live human being
Lots of Chocolate
Aliens

So tune in here starting Thursday.

NOTE: Some days will have more than one daily report, so check back often.

And now, Doclopedia posts!

 

The Doclopedia #671

Two Characters In Search Of An Adventure: Super Armored Man & Gadget Hero

Horoshi and Gen are childhood friends who have always been obsessed with superheroes. As children and young teens, they would hang out for hours reading comic books. Fortunately, they both had parents who chased them out of the house to go get some exercise, which they mostly did by tramping around the mountains near their rural community. As the grew older, they stayed nerdy, but were also active in sports, with Horoshi doing very well in wrestling and baseball and Gen being captain of the track team.

One day, when the boys were very near to leaving home for university, their final hike through the woods took them near the home of eccentric old Professor Okano, a mad scientist according to local rumor. He had recently died and the house was awaiting his estranged son, an important businessman in Tokyo, to come and take care of selling everything off. Being very curious, Horoshi and Gen decided to go into the place just for a quick look around.

Once inside, they could find no evidence of a laboratory until Gen accidentally pressed a button on what he thought was a television remote control. The next thing they knew, a piece of the floor slid away revealing a stairway that went down 24 steps into a very large high tech laboratory. Naturally, they just had to go check it out.

The wonders that laboratory contained were amazing and the more the boys found, the more they realized that this stuff could not be allowed to fall into the wrong hands. Besides, there was stuff here that a couple of superheroes could use. Armed with this knowledge, they decided to make the lab their secret base. This was made a whole lot easier when they found the rear entrance that lead to a secret door in an ancient and abandoned shrine in the forest.

It’s now four years later and Horoshi & Gen are out of university and working for a big corporation as IT guys. It has also taken them four years to learn about and learn how to use the hundreds of gadgets that the lab contained. This was made much easier once they figured out how to activate Yoki, the super computer AI that runs the lab, including the little Fabricator Bots who build things.

The time has come for Horoshi to don his armored battlesuit and for Gen to put on his costume and select some gadgets. There is crime that needs fighting and Super Armored Man & Gadget Hero are just the heroes to fight it!

.

.

The Doclopedia #672

Two Characters In Search Of An Adventure: Tammi & Val

Tamara Mendez and Valentina Roberts were just two cousins from East L.A. who were off on a road trip to visit their grandparents in Texas after a short detour to Las Vegas to party a bit. They didn’t know that they’d end up meeting and later beating the crap out of a couple of guys that, besides being a bit too damned sexually aggressive, turned out to be aliens. They also weren’t prepared to know that those two aliens were just two of many who want to conquer Earth. They sure as hell weren’t expecting an ultra-secret government agency to offer them training and jobs hunting the Alien Menace.

They almost turned the job down until they were told what they would be payed. That changed everything. Best of all, they could work out of their home neighborhood because Los Angeles was a hotbed of alien activity. Not really surprising, when you think about it.

Now Tammi & Val are trained, geared up and ready to put the Latina Smackdown on any aliens they can find.

 

Mashed Potato Volcano

…it erupts gravy

The Doclopedia #397

The Alphabet, Again
: B is for…Blue Reggie

On Steampunk Earth #6, a dangerous new drug has become popular among the citizens of England and, to a lesser degree, Europe. Going by the slang name of “Blue Reggie”, it unlocks the psychic centers of the brain and produces a euphoric state. The effects of the drug, which must be injected, last 2 to 3 hours. During this time, the user is incapable of moving due to muscle relaxation.

While under the effect of Blue Reggie, the user will unknowingly activate psychic powers. Most common among these are mind reading, telepathy and telekinesis. Telepathy and telekinesis have caused many problems, as exemplified by the Great Shared Nightmare that took place in York and the Flying Cobblestones incident in London on Christmas Day, 1882.

It is unknown where Blue Reggie originated, but it is almost certainly a product of Mad Science.

 

After The Change Came: Series 2

Sin And Old Yellow Eyes VS The Great Weerloo Army

Dear Readers, I meant to post this yesterday (Tuesday) but we got teleported just before I finished writing, as you’ll see by the abrupt ending. Enjoy it and know that the four of us are now clean, refreshed, well fed and at home.

Holy shit! HOLY SHIT! We just defeated 500 Weerloos in a heated battle! And some of them were a crazy Weerloo/Mountain Troll hybrid! My God, it was terrifying and exhilarating and I’m surprised that I don’t need to change my undies. I’m covered in blood and gore and I want to get really drunk, after I bathe for an hour or two.

So here’s the fast version of the story.

Monday morning, 2:00 am: Doc leaps out of bed and tells me that we need to get ready to leave RIGHT NOW! Although I use foul language in my response, a near lifetime of hanging out with him tells me to do as he says.

Monday morning, 2:30 am: While Doc & Rocky gallop off south of town, I arrange for a truck to haul the four of us to Interstate 5, which is 45 miles to the west of Chico. I then drink two cups of strong coffee and eat a sweet roll.

Monday morning, 3:30 am: Doc & Rocky return, winded and looking pissed off. After grabbing the 36 ounce mug of crazy strong oolong tea, Doc says “It’s Weerloos and something new and Weerlooish. Get in the truck.”

Monday morning, 4:30 am: Having paid the truck driver, we are all off of the truck and heading into the foothills of the Coast Range. We are following the very obvious trail of of Weerloos and the same big creatures that we found the tracks of earlier in our trip. They head straight west to where Doc tells me Long Valley lies. There is a lake there, no human habitation and a long flat valley just made for parking an army.

Monday morning, 8:00 am: We reach the top of the hills at the eastern edge of Long Valley. From our vantage point in the bushes, we see about 450 Weerloos, about 50 creatures that look like Weerloos if Weerloos were 7 feet tall and one human. He’s obviously a Mage and he’s obviously in charge. Doc and Rocky both growl. I cannot overstate how eerie and scary it is to hear a mule growl.

Monday morning, 10:00 am: We have retreated downhill to a well concealed spot in some trees. Doc has reached into his Bag of Expanded Capacity and pulled out a real Crystal Ball. In moments, he is in a trance, which means that he’s communicating with at least one Wizard. He’ll be like that for the next two hours,

The rest of Monday: We rest, eat and take turns watching the Weerloos. Sure enough, they are training just like an organized army. Doc identifies 9 different Clans, which makes this the largest Weerloo army ever. We both note that the big UberWeerloos must be part troll. I’m not feeling good about all this.

Today, just after sunrise: We are back on the hill overlooking the army. Doc takes a bunch of stuff out of his bag and gives each of us a small beeswax capsule filed with a blue liquid. One we have them in out mouths, he tells us not to bite them until he says to.

After that, he picks up an egg sized figurine of a wizard, then walks about 100 yards down the hill and yells “Hey, you scaly motherfuckers, listen up!”

Every eye in that army is looking at him. The conversation went like this…

Doc: “Under direction of the Council of Wizards, the United Nations, the North American Union, the United States of America, the State of California and me, the Taker of Tails & Teeth, you will all surrender right fucking now or get killed. Personally, I hope you don’t surrender.”

Mage (who is now only about 100 feet away from Doc): After a hearty laugh, says “I don’t think we’ll surrender. In fact, I think I’ll just fry you and your three friends where you stand.” He begins casting a spell.

Doc: “Not today, you little prick!” Doc then crushes the wizard figurine in his hand. Mage screams, falls down and you can actually see the power exit his body. Looking at the army, Doc asks “No more Mage for you. He’ll be powerless for the next week. Will you surrender, Eaters of Other People’s Fish?”

The response is to scream war cries and come rushing towards us.

Doc (to us): “Bite that wax and get ready to rock & roll!”

Like most magical potions, the liquid inside the wax capsules tasted like whatever it is nasty thinks tastes nasty. Thankfully, the taste only lasted a second and then we all started to change. We got bigger, more muscular and our clothing pretty much ripped apart. It was like turning into the Incredible Hulk, if he were some huge barbarian warrior. Or a Demon Mule from Hell, because Rocky and Belle were now bigger than Clydesdale horses and snorting smoke & fire. And there was bloodlust, oh yes there was! I wanted to lay waste to my enemies, to stand knee deep in their corpses and show them that Sindell the Barbarian was somebody to fear!

Just before the first giant Weerloo/Trolls arrived, Doc pulled a sword and a big ax out of his bag and tossed the sword to me. After that, shit was ON baby!

I won’t go into details, except to say that the Weerloo/Trolls were tough, many Weerloos tried unsuccessfully to run and you never ever want to have a Demon Mule from Hell after you. In the end, we left exactly one member of each Weerloo clan alive. All of them were too scared to move as Doc told them to return to their clans, tell them to expect visits from the Taker of Tails & Teeth and to never even think of grouping up with other clans or working with a human Mage, because if they did, well, Doc got very detailed about what would happen and it’s pretty gross. They all swore they would do as he said, then took off running like the devil was on their trail.

We went back to where the Mage was still passed out and Doc put a small coin on his forehead. In a blink, the Mage was gone, teleported to Wizard Central for punishment.

It took another 15 minutes before we all returned to normal, at which point, we all collapsed from exhaustion until Doc produced some Energy Elixir that revived us enough to start back to the freeway, where we would call for another truck that would take us back to Chico and civilized amenities.

We’re almost back to the freeway now and I must say that this has been a hell of an experience. Not one I ever want to repeat, but still, pretty singular. And now I want a bath, a bed and maybe a few stiff drinks.

Dastardly Bandicoots Trampled My Gooseberries

…no pie for me

A Message Dealing With Things To Come

Changes are afoot here on the Dociverse Blog, Gentle Readers. First off, starting on my birthday (Jan. 29) I’ll be doing more Doclopedia posts. how many more? Well, this year’s theme is 365 Days, 500 Entries. Yeah, I didn’t learn my lesson with 365/365.

Not all of the entries will be long ones. Many will be quite short, and not all will be part of a multi-day theme, although I will be tackling the alphabet again. As before, I will ask for reader submitted theme ideas every once in awhile on Facebook and/or Twitter.

I am also vowing to do at least one non-Doclopedia post per week and I hope to hell y’all will comment on them.

Finally, there may also be the odd bit of collaborative world building, which will benefit from, you know, your collaboration.

I hope y’all enjoy what will, no doubt, be a mind roasting 365 days for me. I can already predict that January 29, 2013 will find me partaking of strong drink and cackling with laughter.

PS: There will be some slight changes at the Fiction Blog, too. More on that later.

 

After The Change Came: Series 2

Sin In The City By The Bay

As you can see by the title of this entry, I’m in San Francisco. I’ve only just arrived a couple of hours ago after yet another day of painting butterflies and flowers for Mage Daphne. About noon, I had made up my mind that I needed some mental health time, so after knocking off work at 3:00, I went home to clean up, pack a few things and gather up Babe for a little jaunt to the Greatest City On Earth! A quick trip on the Sacramento to San Francisco Express and here we were.

Now, although The City is way different looking than it was back before The Change and my untimely death, it’s still a vibrant and exciting place…only greener and more like a bunch of small villages collected in the place where a big city used to be. All of the various neighborhoods are still here (Noe Valley, The Castro, Nob Hill, The Marina, Chinatown, etc) but they’re separated by greenbelts and woods and streams and such. You can still take public transportation just about anywhere 24/7, so you won’t see many cars.

And of course, there are still a zillion great places to eat, drink and meet up with people of your preferred sex. In my case, that person this visit would be Gina Torrance, fellow artist and QuestWorld teammate. Gina works primarily in watercolors and does some of the most beautiful landscapes you’ll ever see.

I’m ending this post because now that we’ve finished eating some fantastic Thai takeout and have Babe and Newton (Gina’s Smart Dog) set up with movies and snacks, we are getting dolled up and going out for dancing and drinks. I’ll be wearing pre-Change Vera Wang and looking good doing it.

More bloggage sometime tomorrow after sleeping in and then shoe shopping!

Madness Takes Its Troll

…insane trolls?

Just a quick post to let y’all know that I’m off to Dundracon in about an hour and the only posts that might pop up here will be if I call Grace (my lovely wife & webmistress) and have her put something up. Actually, you’ll be much more likely to see posts like that on my Facebook page. Have a great weekend and if you are going to Dundracon, look me up and say hello.

Doc Tempest And The Vanishing Children

…from the March, 1939 issue

Yo! Homies! I gotta question…

A spiffy PDF with 70 or so of my 365 entries in it, expanded and maybe revised a bit…divided into sections on People, Places & Things…plus maybe 14 all new entries…no art cos I can’t afford it unless it is totally 100% free (and, of course, not crappy)…humorous notes & stuff in the page margins.

What do ya think? Would you actually pay cash money for it? Assuming at least 1 page per entry and 84 entries, what would be a fair price?

Help me out here, y’all.