…love was in the New Jersey air
Trip Day Five (By Sasha)
Hello, Dear Readers. Sasha here with all the trip news of the day. Before we get started, I’m going to answer the question that at least some of you long time readers might have: If it’s Tuesday and we are starting in Yuma Arizona and we need to be in Critter City around noon on Wednesday AND we want to stop and visit at least another dozen places, not counting lunches, HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO IT?
Simple answer: Time travel!
Somewhat more detailed answer: While we were sleeping last night, the Sweetie (the Bus) drove from Yuma to Lordsburg, New Mexico. We woke up there, started our day and stopped when we got to Aunt Pearl’s ranch (it being 1980 here, she’s still alive here and only 75 years old), near Van Horn, Texas. But then, two minutes after we got to Aunt Pearl’s front gate, which is 15 miles from the house. At that point, I gave everybody a Renewal Smoothie (new product from SJC Enterprises) to drink and we went back in time and space to Yuma at the same time we left Lordsburg. We stopped at several roadside attractions, ate Second Lunch, then, just before we got to Lordsburg, Daddy brought us back to Aunt Pearls and the two versions of us merged. Easy peasy!
Anyway, that’s why you’ll see the New Mexico and Texas stops before you see the Arizona stops. It was a fun day.
By now you all know that any meal on the bus rocks, so I won’t go into detail about breakfast, aside from saying that Daddy & Uncle Gabriel had us cracking up with another round of their Rocco and Maxie routine. Those two are some funny ass humans.
Since we hit so many stops today, I’m going to be rather brief describing them all.
New Mexico Stops
1: The Invisible House: Isn’t really invisible, but the outside is really well painted to blend in with the background and you can’t tell there is a house there until you damned near run into it.
2: The Robot Battlefield: This place is big, like, 200 acres big. The “robots” are made out of welded together pieces of junk and scrap metal. They come in a dizzying variety of sizes and shapes, all posed to simulate the aftereffects of a huge battle. You see all of this from a thankfully air conditioned bus. A very earnest young man told us the story of the war and the various areas of battle you see. It was really fun, took an hour and is well worth the $5.00 each we paid. The gift store has cold drinks, which we all partook of.
3: The Mountain Of The Lord: The Giant Jesus here is only 25 feet tall and made of pieces of old car bodies, but the mountain he stands on is a trip and a half. As usual, a guy and his twin brother got a message from God that they were sinners and better get their shit together by coming out here in the middle of the desert and building bunch of shit on a hill for the glory of the LORD! The only thing that differs them from the other religious wackos we’ve seen over the years is that Gordon and Landon Hall are African American. Kinda nice to see that white dudes have not cornered the market.
The mountain (a big hill, really) is covered in 283 scenes from the Bible. They range in quality from pretty well done to rather slapdash. They don’t charge to drive up to see old JC, but they do have a gift shop and they do take “offerings”.
4: Andrade’s General Store: This is just a humongous general store and cafe in the middle of nowhere, but damn, the food is great. They also sell lots of stuff from Mexico, which is why Daddy & Daisy now have so much Dia de Los Muertas stuff and a bunch of luchadore collectibles.
5: Monsters of the Desert #2: This is very much like the one on our world, but much newer and a second location (#1 is in northern Arizona). There are way fewer monsters, but the 7 they have are very well done and mostly from the movies, including giant ants from “Them”, the giant tarantula from “Tarantula” and a giant scorpion from “The Black Scorpion”
1: Movie Town: This is a famous bunch of sets built for westerns and late 19th century movies. About half of it is Western Town and the other half is 1900 town. Both are still used for movies and television.
2: Big Bob’s Deadly Texas Museum: Big Bob must love murder, because this fair sized museum has exhibits for over 200 sensational Lone Star State homicides. Each one is presented in gory detail and several of our group never even went it. Those of us who did bought t-shirts and cowboy hats, both decorated with fake blood splatters. Mom has forbidden us to wear them in her presence.
1: The Thing?: We have this on our Earth, but it is at the other end of the state and a pretty tacky and dusty place. Actually, it’s still tacky & dusty, but the various exhibits are better and in some cases a tad less creepy. The Thing itself is different from our world and, like ours, is hard for most folks to identify. Of the 23 people in our group, 9 of us knew what it was when we saw it. Best of all, since it is 1980 here, admission is only 75 cents.
2: The Airplane House: No, not a passenger jet converted into a house, but THREE 707 jets, one stacked on top of the other two. No engines, but three planes making a surprisingly roomy house. The tour costs $2.00 a pop and the old hippies living there are very nice folks.
3: Miracle Lake: It’s actually more like a big pond, but it’s pretty cool. In 1941, some dude was blasting away hunting for uranium and he cracked open an underground aquifer. The surrounding low area filled with water in less than 24 hours and the overflow created a seasonal creek that runs just over a mile. The lake was low when we were there, but fills to overflowing in the winter and spring. No charge to see it and we bought t-shirts.
4: Giant Elvis: He’s 100 feet tall and stands straddling a little burger joint in the VERY small town of Presley. You can’t go up inside him, but the statue of Elvis in his Vegas Comeback outfit is pretty good. Makes a nice change from a Giant Jesus. Oh, and the burgers & shakes were pretty good, too.
5: The Desert Garden: This is a very nice state owned and operated botanical display. It’s a walking tour. I kitted everyone out with personal cooling units, so as not to see folks from milder temperatured states die. This place is worth seeing.
6: The Mysterious Thing: This world’s Arizona has battling Things at each end. This one is newer, cleaner, less tacky and more creepy. You pay a buck to go in, wander around looking at shit that makes you think “WTF?”, then finally come to the Other Thing, which will make you both laugh and lose faith in humans, if you still have any. The gift shop is nice and sells cold beer, which some of us partook of.
And now we are at Aunt Pearl’s house and all the humans are in twenty something bodies or they won’t look right and we NHT are just ourselves and damn if Aunt Pearl can’t cook up some great grub.
I’m signing off here, folks. Tomorrow we will be at the con around noon.
Buenas noches, amigos!
Destination Sign When We Started: Altair 4
Destination Sign When We Stopped: Toontown
QM Radio Station: PolkaPunk!
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