Fantastic Breasts And Where To Find Them

…What? Oh, it’s BEASTS! My bad.

The Doclopedia #1,313

Modern Magical Items: Garden Tool Golem

The first thing you need to know about Garden Tool Golems is that nobody knows who the hell is making them. They just appear one day, walking through the suburbs wearing a sign saying “Do you need help in the garden?” If you tell them yes, they ask you what you need done, then do it.

Another thing about these strange magical creations is that none of them look like any of the others. Every Garden Tool Golem is made of different garden tools and implements and they aren’t even all humanoid shaped. One of the most famous looked like a giant scorpion. His “stinger” on the tail was an electric hedge trimmer.

Garden Tool Golems will often spend years in one town, then leave late at night for another town. Nobody knows why they do it.

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Invasion Of The Sausage Men

…old movie titles misheard #1

The Doclopedias #93

Alt. Rocks: George The Stone Golem


In Fantasy Universe 4, the Godmages were constantly trying to kill one another with everything from exotic poisons (the Liquor of Internal Dissolving) to armies of magical creatures (Cyclopazons) to bizarre weather (the Godmage Elvoon was killed in his nightly bath by a miniature storm of freezing swamp mud). Everybody is looking for the Next Big Deadly Thing.

Enter George, a Stone Golem of amazing proportions and skills. He stood 24 feet tall and seemed to be made of rare Blue Marble. Unlike many stone golems, he was finely detailed and noble looking. Additionally, he was nearly indestructible and able to store up the raw power of most forms of attack, releasing them as a shockwave that can knock a house down.

It was quite unfortunate for George’s creator (the Godmage known as Ilbraan the Superior) that every time he absorbed raw power, it made the golem just a but smarter. After a couple of years, George was smart enough to kill his creator and then escape into the wider world. The common folk were afraid of him at first, but after he did several good deeds, they began to like him.

His status among the common folk really rose when he decided to start killing off the Godmages. Every time he would kill one of the terrible wizards, he would find himself not only smarter, but more resistant to the effects of magic. By the time he crushed the vampire snake hordes of Godmage Yityot, he was pretty much unstoppable. Within two more years, George had killed the last of the Godmages and the common folk loved him for it.

Nowadays, George continues to roam the land and offer help where it is needed. From time to time, he will sit down and think. During these times, which can last several weeks, he does not move at all. Nobody knows what he is thinking about and he has never told anyone.